Tag Archives: hot

Woman Suing Hot Sauce For Being Too Hot

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How hot is too hot?

Hot Springs, SD – An angry elderly woman is suing the makers of a hot sauce called The Ghost for being too darn hot!

Ms. Osucha Hogsett claims that after putting just a small portion of The Ghost hot sauce on her enchilada, she burned her mouth quite badly.

Her litigious attorney, whose name is Bhut Jolokia, says that Osucha now cannot taste anything besides the hot sauce, and her mouth is swollen up like a partially deflated basketball.

Ms. Hogsett and Mr. Jolokia are seeking $4.3 million for both pain and suffering, along with some punitive damages just for good measure.

How does this make you feel? Hot and bothered? Boiling mad? Does it hit your hot button? Should Osucha Hosett strike while the iron’s hot?

Ironically, all the letters in Osucha Hogsett can hotly be re-arranged to spell: Ghost Hot Sauce!

Hawaiian Officials Warning People That Hot Lava Is Very Hot

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Don’t touch the hot lava to feel how hot it is.

Hawaii, HI – Governmental leaders are trying to remind residents and visitors on Hawaii’s Big Island that hot lava is nothing with which to play around.

“Even though it looks so mesmerizingly beautiful, please do not attempt to touch the hot lava or even go near it as it can sometimes bubble up and the spattered little drops could ruin your nice new Hawaiian shirt,” says Kiko Kimona, Hawaii’s top lavologist.

One angry vacationer visiting from Moorhead, Minnesota was considering filing a lawsuit because the lava was so hot that it completed melted her can of Beef Ravioli that she was trying to cook for her family (not to mention what it did to their rental car).

Trump Names Bali Volcano, Mt. Agung, As New Top Advisor

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Mt. Agung: nice ash!

Washington, D.C. – After losing a number of top advisors in recent weeks, President Trump filled one of the vacant slots with a highly unusual appointment today. Mt. Agung, the active volcano currently erupting in Bali, has been named as his newest high-ranking cabinet member.

“I have a wonderful, beautiful, special relationship with Mt. Agung. That volcano is really, really smart, it’s got amazing ideas, you’ve never heard ideas like these…the best…and it’s going to be a great thing for our country, America, which is a great country, but it could be better, but now it will be better, like way way better,” Trump exclaimed earlier today.

Asked what he was thinking by naming a volcano as a top advisor, President Trump said, “Mt. Agung is yuge and strong, like really strong, and really yuge. Plus it’s a volcano, which is amazing…it’s got the best eruptions in the world, the hottest lava, its ash is the best ash I’ve ever seen…everyone is going to love it, and I mean love it bigly.”

White House staffers had no comment, but insiders tell the FM Observer that they are “drinking heavily” and “mostly just praying”.

Google’s New 3-D Printer Can Print An Edible Roasted Turkey

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If eating is believing, then try this!

Turkeyfoot, PA – Leave it to Google to take 3-D printing to the next level.

After some Germans were able to first print edible gummy bears with a 3-D printer, Google has now perfected the ability to 3-D print a ready-to-eat, hot, roasted turkey, just like the one grandma used to pull out of the oven for Thanksgiving.

University of Pennsylvania’s Senior Fellow, Dr. Walter Vonderpluke has been heading up the turkey testing for Google’s 3-D Printing Division: “In my opinion, this Google turkey is very succulent and quite delectable. In a word, ambrosia! To be honest, I cannot believe it was printed with a 3-D printer.”

For those who already own a 3-D printer, simply download the free Google Turkey App and hit the Start button. You and your family will have a beautiful, ready-to-carve, 16 pound Thanksgiving turkey in about 18 minutes.

For those who do not already own a 3-D printer, Santa has been notified.