Mister Wabbit, before you die, you can have one wast wish!” – Elmer Fudd
Here at FM Observer we like to take input from the “common folk” of the FM area. Their biggest complaint is that the rabbit population has been hare-balling out of control and let me tell you, people are furiously fed up. As a result, the city has hastily issued a new program that will: 1. take care of the excessive rabbit population and 2. Let disgruntled citizens blow off some steam.
The City of Fargo announced today that a new rabbit bounty program will take effect this weekend appropriately on Friday the 13th.
The guidelines of the program include:
- Bounty will pay $5 per rabbit, $3 per bunny
- Rewards can be traded for a deduction against your yearly city taxes or free beer
- First 100 rabbits you are able to bag will get you a seat at the city’s Rabbit Stew Banquet Dinner including free beer
- Shoot to kill; there are no limits
One might ask what exactly is the city going to do with all these rabbits? Rumors are being spread that the city is starting a huge municipal fur company. Or, perhaps the meat will find its way to your local farmer’s market.
Germany imports $40 million worth of rabbits every year! This could put Fargo on the map as a renowned animal trader, so get out there and start shooting up.
Brave turtle hunters will soon begin their quest to kill a large turtle to make turtle soup.
Turtle River, MN – It’s almost that exciting time of year again when turtle hunters of all shapes and sizes come out of their shells and gear up to go turtle hunting.
Minnesota reports that a record number of turtle hunting licenses have been sold this year.
Last year nearly 90,000 turtles were harvested from Minnesota lakes, rivers, and swamps.
Mondo Chafley is the president of Turtles Unlimited: “Yah, me ready to go turtle huntin. Me wana make turtle soup for dah hole family.”
By participating in Minnesota’s annual turtle hunt, people can re-enact American history going way back to 1805:
The story goes that a popular British rock band named Lewis & Clark was on tour in Minnesota with their families. They enjoyed the sport of turtle hunting so much that their sons eventually went on the form the band “The Turtles” who topped the charts with their smash hit: “Happy Together”.
I tried to shoot a goose. Instead, I shot a moose.
Knife Lake, MN – A young boy named Bruce had just finished drinking some juice when he saw in the air a goose which lately had a tendency to overproduce.
So young Bruce decided to try and shoot the goose on the loose. He ran and quickly found his sling shot and Bowie knife.
As the loose goose flew closer, young Bruce pulled his Bowie knife back in his sling shot and then let it loose.
After it missed the Canadian goose, the flying knife unfortunately found a large moose named Zeus, who was hiding behind a blue spruce.
It just so happened that a Game and Fish officer who was out looking for abuse was watching the whole thing. After seeing Zeus the moose get shot, the Game Warden decided to go down and introduce himself to young Bruce.
By threatening young Bruce with life in prison, the Game Warden scared the juice out of Bruce. In the end, they reached a truce by having the youngster become a junior Game Warden where Bruce will peruse the spruce for moose abuse.
The moral of the story: Don’t let loose on a goose because you might kill a moose behind a spruce. Instead, just stay home and drink your apple juice.