Tag Archives: infection

First Machine To Catch Corona Virus From A Human Is Now “Acting Funny”

This is the first machine to allegedly get the Corona Virus from a human being.

Corona, California – The first documented case of the Corona Virus being passed from a human to a machine has now been confirmed.

The machine, whose identity is being kept confidential for now, keeps on saying the same message over and over:

The server encountered an internal error or misconfiguration and was unable to complete your request.

Luckily, the machine in question has been quarantined but authorities are trying to see if it possibly shared data with any other machines within the past two weeks.

Signs that a machine might have the Corona Virus include: 1. repeating weird messages, and 2. just plain “acting funny” in a general sort of way.

If you suspect that any of your machines fall into this category, immediately place them in a large container such as a garbage can with the top lid securely fastened.

Weeping Christ Statue Feared To Have Ebola Virus

weeping1791Milaria, Italy—As the ebola pandemic continues to build steam, countries across the globe are showing concern. The Observer has learned that a recent discovery of a weeping-blood statue of Jesus is feared to contain the deadly infection.

A small village in Italy is in an uproar as a masterpiece statue hanging within their local church was recently seen weeping tears of red. “Gesu Di Galilea” (Jesus of Galilee), Milarian locals fear, has contracted the ebola virus.

Worshippers won’t go into or near the church for fear of catching ebola and blood-crying their own eyes out. “We make effort to stay away. Christ possessed…very deadly…infection may occur,” says local priest Mario Bamatomelli. “Why must God give infection to Christ?? Why we must live in fear of asshole blood? Gesu Di Galilea, ti prego, eliminare questo germe mortale!!