Don’t let your kids play outside because it’s probably the worst thing they can do.
Fair Play, TX – The American Safety Society is warning parents to warn their children to not play outside this summer.
“Inside the house is where you should play, for sure at night and also during the day,” raps Dr. Daisy Eplin, who currently presides over the American Safety Society.
Dr. Eplin goes on: “Research shows that going outside to play, on a beautiful summery day, is tantamount to eating sugary snacks, while sitting on railroad tracks.”
According to American Safety Society documentation, the many benefits of keeping your kids indoors include: higher IQ, increased tech savviness, fewer broken bones, less chance of bug bites and getting kidnapped, less bullying, improved self esteem, and better social networking skills.
Ironically, all the letters in Daisy Eplin can safely be re-arranged to spell: Play Inside!
A thin man had been living in this chair for 30 years. Police asking folks to check their furniture.
Fargo, ND – In what police are calling a “very bizarre situation”, a thin elderly man was recently discovered to be living inside a Fargo family’s large comfy chair, which had been in the middle of their living room.
Apparently, after delivering the large, over-stuffed chair to their home thirty years ago, the man decided to crawl inside the chair and stay for awhile.
The man would sneak out at night to get food from the fridge, perhaps stop in the bathroom, and then crawl back inside the chair.
He admits: “During the last thirty years, I sometimes did get rather bored, but then someone would come and sit in the chair, which was always fun for me.”
The Police are now referring to the man as the Chairman of the Bored.
Police are also requesting that everyone in the community please check all your furniture for any unexpected inhabitants who may be living inside.