Tag Archives: language

The White House’s Twelve Days Of Impeachment Calendar Is The Latest Trending Christmas Gift

Gradually open twelve White House windows to mark the twelve days of impeachment.

Washington, DC – First lady Melania is offering a superbly wonderful gift idea for the holidays.

Melania’s Twelve Days Of Impeachment Calendar is an impeccably designed likeness of the White House with twelve adorable little windows that can be opened one per day.

Share the magic of the impeachment process with your family as more and more windows light up.

Since the First Lady fluently speaks six languages, the twelve impeachment windows when opened each announce a different special message in all six of Melania’s spoken languages: English, French, German, Italian, Slovenian, and Serbo-Croatian.

If you’re looking to give the latest hotly trending gift for Christmas, consider Melania’s Twelve Days Of Impeachment Calendar.

Melania in her own words:
French: Ce calendrier de destitution est précieusement divin.
German: Dieser Amtsenthebungskalender ist von unschätzbarem Wert.
Italian: Questo calendario dell’impeachment è preziosamente divino.
Slovenian: Ta koledar obstoja je dragoceno božanski.
Serbo-Croatian: Ovaj kalendar imepmenta je dragocjen božanski.
English: This impeachment calendar is preciously divine.

Profanity OK At Holy Crap Church

At Holy Crap Church you can swear on a stack of Bibles.

Holyoke, Colorado – At Holy Crap Church, members and guests are encouraged to just be themselves.

If you like to swear a lot, then Holy Crap Church is for you.

The head pastor at Holy Crap Church is Rev. Ralph Coy.

Reverend Ralph believes the Church should accept us for who we are, exactly as is, just like you are when you’re not at Church.

“If profanity is apart of how you express yourself, then that’s fine here,” preaches Pastor Coy.

“Just because you swear your head off at Church doesn’t mean you’re going to hell in a hand basket.”

Ironically, all the letters in Ralph Coy can be re-arranged to spell: Holy Crap!

New Fargo Religious Radio Station To Broadcast Only In Tongues

New Fargo religious radio station is WHAT AM1770

Fargo, ND – Soon to hit the airwaves of the Fargo-Moorhead area will be a new religious radio station which might be rather difficult to understand for some.

All of the on-air personalities will be speaking in tongues, which is believed to be a divine religious language of yesteryear that is completely foreign to the speaker.

Some people supposedly have the gift of speaking in tongues while others have the complimentary gift of being able to understand these vocalized speech-like syllables.

For the rest of us, listening to someone speaking in tongues may simply sound like the Tower Of Babble from which most cannot derive any readily comprehensible meaning.

The man who had the brilliant idea for this new radio station is Dr. Peter Glossolalia, a lifelong member of the Pentecostal church.

We caught up with Peter to ask him about this new radio station. Here is Dr. Peter Glossolalia in his own words: “Oldah ugal fafa ni nas baas uk oon ahd oob usuc de e miid adda ca adi aanye ba allib!”

The new radio station’s call letters are WHAT?! which can soon be heard (but perhaps not understood) at AM 1770.

Some Useful Phrases When Travelling To Norway

When in Norway, have fun speaking some Norwegian!

Oslo, Norway – It seems like everyone is travelling to Norway these days.

Perhaps this is the reason why the FM Observer has been repeatedly asked to provide a quick tutorial on speaking Norwegian, which is the language of the people that live there!

Since we never disappoint, here are fifteen (15) key phrases we strongly suggest that you memorize prior to landing in Oslo (it really helps to make flashcards before boarding your flight):

Where is the beer? = der er øl?
My mother will fight your father = min mor vil kjempe din far
What time is it on the moon? = hva er klokka på månen?
I would like to apply for an easy job = Jeg ønsker å søke om en enkel jobb
What colors can I wear here? = hvilke farger kan jeg bruke her?
I like when you rub my back = Jeg liker når du gni ryggen min
Could you bring me to your leader? = kan du gi meg din leder?
Back home, people treat me like a king = hjem, folk behandler meg som en konge
Could you please not stand so close to me? = Kan du ikke stå så nær meg?
I have a good recipe for making biscuits = Jeg har en god oppskrift for å lage kjeks
Why is your family so short? = hvorfor er din familie så kort?
My daughter wants to meet your son = min datter ønsker å møte din sønn
Can you buy me a car for my birthday? = kan du kjøpe meg en bil til bursdagen min?
I need to find some mayonnaise very quickly = Jeg trenger å finne noen majones svært raskt
Do you have a telescope in your bedroom? = har du et teleskop på soverommet?

Twelve New Words Being Added To FMO’s Dictionary

The FMO Dictionary keeps growing just like our national debt.

The FMO Dictionary keeps growing just like our national debt.

West Fargo, ND – As you know, at the end of each year we look back and decide what words should be added to our FMO Lexicon.

Since its first publication back in 1879, our dictionary has grown into quite a load especially if being carried to skool in a backpack.

So, without any further ado, here are the new entries being added to the FMO Lexicon for 2016:

1. FM Observer + veranda = FM observeranda… The place at our corporate headquarters from whence we look down upon the entire Fargo-Moorhead area and society in general.

2. FM Observer + verb = FM observerb… These are action words that help keep us motivated and moving forward to bring you the latest in true fake news. Some of our posts may be fake but at least they’re true fake.

3. FM Observer + verbal = FM observerbal… This is the type of communication that we yell at other drivers when they’re testing our inclination for road rage.

4. FM Observer + verbose = FM observerbose… This is when we get too many words stuck in our mouth at once when trying to express a complicated thought like Obamacare.

5. FM Observer + verdict = FM observerdict… This is what the judge hands down which decides whether we go home or get to stay for free at the county’s hotel for wayward citizens.

6. FM Observer + verge = FM observerge… This is when we are on the cusp of a major announcement such as: We just once again won the best website on the internet award for the third time in a row!

7. FM Observer + verify = FM observerify… This is what we do with all facts gathered prior to deciding whether or not to write a truly fake news story.

8. FM Observer + vermin = FM observermin… Is what we call problematic animals to society. Also, it was the original name for what Hillary recently referred to as a basket of deplorables.

9.FM Observer + versatile = FM observersatile… This is how we describe ourselves when we have to wear many hats in order to not be recognized by those who may be looking for us in a crowd.

The more words we add, the more colorful it gets.

The more words we add, the more colorful it gets.

10. FM Observer + verse = FM observerse… This is the style that we sometimes try to write in to make it sound like we graduated from college with honors.

11. FM Observer + vertebrate = FM observertebrate… This is something that (or someone who) has a backbone in order to stand tall during times of distress such as an IRS audit.

12. FM Observer + vertical = FM observertical… This is the direction the rocket carrying our FMO satellite into space will hopefully go so that worldwide readers can easily follow what’s truly happening on the FM Observer.

Boy Gets Suspended From Skool For Saying ‘Shih Tzu’

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If it walks like a Shih Tzu and barks like a Shih Tzu, it’s probably safer to call it a Chinese Lion Dog.

Moorhead, MN – The day did not go the way young Raven Tufano was expecting. After doing his normal early morning routine which included taking his dog for a walk, he then headed off to school.

The teacher asked Raven’s class what different kinds of dogs they could think of. She started off by mentioning a German Shepherd since her husband was a police officer.

Raven raised his hand and said his dog named Skipper was a Shih Tzu.

After the class stopped laughing, the teacher asked “What did you say, young man?!” Raven repeated the fact that their dog was a Shih Tzu.

The next thing Raven knew was he was sitting in the principal’s office who was calling the boy’s parents discussing a possible one week suspension from school for swearing and class disruption.

Lesson to be learned: When in proper company, refer to a Shih Tzu as either a Chrysanthemum Dog or a Chinese Lion Dog.

Moral of the story: There’s a difference between being honest and being tactful.

How To Say A Useful Phrase In 10 Languages

OMG! My hovercraft is full of eels!

OMG! My hovercraft is full of eels!

Eel River, Indiana – In the FM Observer’s on-going effort to bring you free, cutting-edge, continuing adult educational trainings, we take you to Eel River, Indiana where we’ve been invited to take a vicarious ride with Bob Scarponi on his air-cushioned hovercraft. There, wasn’t that fun?

Mr. Scarponi, who used to work in the Peace Corps, because he couldn’t find a real job, is fairly fluent in 10 languages and he has agreed to teach us all how to say a common and useful English phrase in all 10 languages.

{Tip: Being able to put on your résumé that you can speak 10 different languages can be a major plus when applying for a job.}

Growing up in Eel River, Bob says that finding fresh-water peacock eels on-board his watercraft has been a perennial problem, especially during the eel mating season when the little devils become much more aggressive.

So, without much more further ado, here are Mr. Bob Scarponi’s personal notes on how to say: “My hovercraft is full of eels!” in 10 different languages:

Cornish: Leun a sylli yw ow skath bargesi!
Dutch: Mijn luchtkussenboot zit vol paling!
German: Mein Luftkissenfahrzeug ist voller Aale!
Korean: Nae hoebuhkeurapeuteuneun changuhro kadeuk cha isseyo!
Latin: Mea navis volitans anguillis plena est!
Shona: Hovercraft yangu yakazara nemikunga!
Somali: Huufarkarafkayga waxaa ka buuxa eels!
Swahili: Gari langu linaloangama limejaa na mikunga!
Welsh: Mae fy hofrenfad yn llawn llyswennod!
Zulu: Umkhumbi wami ugcwele ngenyoka zemanzini!

Look for more up-coming educational trainings offered to you free-of-charge by the FM Observer. Some possible future topics may include: 1. How to defend yourself in court, 2. Painting rocks to look like candy, and 3. Joining a cult to enrich your personal confidence.

New Flashcards Make Learning Chinese Easy


Learning to speak Chinese has never been so easy!

China Town, CA – Have you always wanted to be able to speak fluent conversational Chinese, but thought it was too difficult to learn? When eating at a Chinese restaurant, have you often wondered what the owners are saying?

Now, because of a new break-through in learning the Chinese language, you too can be speaking perfect Chinese in a matter of weeks. The Flash-Learn Company has put together a new set of language flashcards that make it possible for anyone to easily learn how to speak and understand Chinese.

Most Americans already know that the Chinese way of saying Table Tennis is “Ping Pong”. Many know how to order some favorite Chinese dishes such as “Egg Foo Young” in the native Chinese tongue. But beyond that, Chinese has been almost impossible to learn…until now!

Chinese characters are known as pictographs. Each flashcard has a picture of the word, along with its associated English term, and finally the actual authentic Chinese pictographs. (Click on the above picture to zoom in on an actual example flashcard!)

Scientific studies have shown that a basic functional literacy of the Chinese language requires a knowledge of between three and four thousand characters. Mandarin Chinese has 21 consonants and 16 vowels. They can be combined together to create more than 400 mono-syllabic sounds. The Flash-Learn company has done all the work for you by putting together one complete set of flashcards to make learning Chinese easy peasy.

Quiz yourself or team up with a partner. Start team competitions for some real fun!

Here’s what some real people are saying about these amazing flashcards:

  • Morton Philips: “I had no idea that learning to speak Chinese could be so easy.”
  • Lori Lingle: “Not only can I now speak fluent Chinese, but I understand all that chatter at the Chinese restaurants.”
  • Dick McScott: “These flashcards helped me land my dream job of being a translator for multiple government agencies.”

Order now, and you will get all of the Flash-Learn flashcards for only $19.99, plus shipping and handling.

But wait…if you order one full set of flashcards for the price of two, the Flash-Learn Company will give you one extra set for free!

Go ahead and order now, and don’t be the last comrade on your block who can speak fluent Chinese.