Tag Archives: living

Doctors Believe If You Can Live Long Enough You Might Be Able To Live Forever

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Live long enough to live forever.

Stanford, CA – Would you like to live forever? What if you had the option of not aging?

Medical researchers now think that if you can live another 30–50 years, you might be able to live as long as you want without ever growing old.

Recent exciting advances in the two areas of Telomere Extension and Genomic Editing are coming together to suggest that the aging process may be able to be controlled enough to never die.

However, once we reach that point, you will still have to worry about getting shot by a person who should not have a gun, and also the more likely scenario of getting hit by a distracted driver.

Thin Man Found Living Inside Fargo Family’s Chair

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A thin man had been living in this chair for 30 years. Police asking folks to check their furniture.

A thin man had been living in this chair for 30 years. Police asking folks to check their furniture.

Fargo, ND – In what police are calling a “very bizarre situation”, a thin elderly man was recently discovered to be living inside a Fargo family’s large comfy chair, which had been in the middle of their living room.

Apparently, after delivering the large, over-stuffed chair to their home thirty years ago, the man decided to crawl inside the chair and stay for awhile.

The man would sneak out at night to get food from the fridge, perhaps stop in the bathroom, and then crawl back inside the chair.

He admits: “During the last thirty years, I sometimes did get rather bored, but then someone would come and sit in the chair, which was always fun for me.”

The Police are now referring to the man as the Chairman of the Bored.

Police are also requesting that everyone in the community please check all your furniture for any unexpected inhabitants who may be living inside.

Swiss woman attempts to live on sunlight; dies

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Switzerland (AP) – A Swiss newspaper is reporting that a woman who recently attempted a sort of “spiritual journey” that requires fasting both food AND water while only to live off the incredibly harmful rays of the sun, has died.

The woman, in her fifties at the time of her death, apparently got the idea from an Austrian documentary which detailed the life of an Indian guru. The guru claimed to have lived this way for upwards of 70 years. Hmmm… not providing the body actual nutrition & sustenance while forcing it to thrive off of the cancer-causing, skin-searing ultraviolet rays of an incredibly massive burning star is not what we’d call a “spiritual” journey. The sun feels great, but do you know what’s better? A drink of water after you’ve been thirsty for 3 days. It’s invigorating, let me tell you.

Let’s lament the untimely loss of a spiritual patriot and at the same time, look on the bright side: she’ll have a fantastic-looking tan at the funeral.