Tag Archives: madonna

Actors Claiming Nations

Celebrities Claiming Nations

Actors Claiming NationsIt seems to be, in order to be a successful celebrity, you must join the elite ranks of other celebrities and start claiming nations.  You are not considered a gifted celebrity unless you do so and you are certainly not part of the ‘special club.’

Sean Penn has claimed Haiti.  Ben Afflek has since claimed the Congo.  Angelina scoops up and claims any UN mission areas.  Leonardo DiCaprio has claimed Mozambique.  Madonna has claimed Malawi.

Just recently there was one of those high-roller poker games and they all put the various causes in a hat and each elite actor picked one. Sean Penn was pissed and tried to trade Haiti for Thailand but the group voted no.

Brad Pitt, Angelia Jolie, and Sean Penn have have been in a ruffle and tuffle as of late.  Sean Penn looks to claim all land including oceans outside of the United States.  Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie sees this as Penn intruding on their territory and would not want to have to pay Penn a ‘finders fee’ for any child they may adopt in the future.

A phone call to Penn has gone unanswered but we believe the dispute has not been resolved as of yet.

Pop singer Madonna extremely satisfied with penis arm implants

madonnaarmsLos Angeles, CA – World-renowned pop music singer and diva Madonna was recently asked in an interview about the satisfaction and comfort of her penis arm implants:

“I absolutely love them. They fit me so well. They were donated from a pair of twin boys who sadly perished in a car accident a few years ago. When I heard about the accident, my first thought was ‘are their peepees ok?’

“Then, when the doctors gave me the go-ahead for surgery, I had to get a buy-off from the next of kin. I knew i’d have to purchase the fleshrods off of the boys’ dead bodies. The family was reluctant to donate their flaccid organs at first, but when they saw the cash I was willing to put up they said ‘The dongs are yours, take them!’ and i’m soooo glad I did!”

The Observer seems to think that the singer’s body is rejecting the surgically implanted male members. They look like they’re trying to escape. Come on, Madonna. Iggy Pop thinks that’s a tired look. This is just a thought, but maybe instead of faking it with wang-arms, Madonna could maybe lift some weights? Inject a little protein in the diet? I dunno. Maybe i’m old-fashioned. Maybe dong-insertion is the wave of the future.