Tag Archives: marijuana

The Pot Now Legal In Four ND Counties

4 ND counties pass Measure 3

With all the votes now in from the 2018 midterm elections, Measure 3 was successfully passed by a majority of voters in four North Dakota counties.

So now, it will be legal for North Dakotans over the age of 20 who live in Rolette, Benson, Sioux, and Cass counties to legally possess and grow the pot for recreational purposes.

The remainder of counties in North Dakota will be destined to live in the dark ages until such time as they see fit to join with the four heretofore previously mentioned counties, where it is now legal to recreationally possess and grow the pot.

Former President Jimmy Carter Says Jesus Would Drink Heineken And Vote To Legalize Recreational Marijuana

Jimmy Carter knows what Jesus would think.

Plains, GA – Former President Jimmy Carter declared this week that Jesus Christ would drink Heineken and approve of recreational marijuana.

The 39th president, who describes himself as a two-time born-again Christian, says that after his second rebirth, he believes that Jesus would drink Heineken beer and also vote to make recreational marijuana legal in all states, except for Utah.

He went on to say he thought Jesus would think that President Carter was one of the best presidents in the history of our country, ranked right up there with President Obama and Woodrow Wilson.

When asked how he knows what Jesus Christ would think, he simply answered with a big smile: “Besides having the same initials, we were both carpenters.”

Area Police Setting Up Four Hundred Twenty 420 Checkpoints

Don’t let this be you today.

Fargo, ND – Via a confidentially anonymous series of trusted fake news sources, the Observer has learned that area police will be staging 420 “420 checkpoints” around the region today.

Four hundred and twenty strategically-placed traffic interventions will take place on four hundred and twenty throughways and byways–perhaps even a few highways–during and shortly after 4:20PM today, April 20th, or 4/20 as it is more affectionately known.

Four hundred twenty law officers will be seeking out suspicious activity, especially that which contains a certain numerical value. Fargo, Moorhead, West Fargo, County, State, DEA, ATF, Marshall, Guard. You name it, they’ll be there. There will be 420 of them out looking for 420 at 4:20 on 4/20.

Police are gently asking the concerned public: If you see any 420 at 4:20 on 4/20, please dial 911 then get the 411.

Marijuana-Scented Candles Frustrating Police

Wacky Wax

Wacky Wax

Fargo, ND – Police in Fargo say a recent uptick in disturbance calls can be attributed to the growing popularity of marijuana-scented candles.

Dispatchers estimate they have received approximately 420 complaints about strong marijuana odors in the last 6 months.

“There’s virtually no difference between the scent of marijuana smoke and the aroma of a marijuana candle,” explains Officer Bud Potter. “Because it’s our duty to investigate anything that smells suspicious in the area, you can imagine the time we’re wasting sniffing out these false alarms. The K-9 unit is totally confused, and we’re all just sort of dazed.”

The candles, which can slow burn for hours, are believed to have filtered in as gifts from Colorado hipsters who have roots in the area. Since the initial introduction, sources indicate that most of Fargo’s import shops now stock these ganja glowers, making the inflow of product nearly impossible to stem.

To complicate matters, area potheads have begun using the candles as smokescreens, taking advantage of their camouflaging effect.

Says Potter, “A typical night on patrol now includes the inevitable pie-eyed groups of weedies laughing hysterically as we stand in their flickering dope dens, unable to make any arrests. If I have to hear ‘The candle cops are here!’ one more time…Well, you get the picture.”

There is one upside to this Mary Jane drain on the police force, however. Potter begrudgingly admits, “I have to say, as much as I despise the dreaded cannabis call, it’s a heckuva lot better than dealing with the Downtown Barf Brigade. Given the choice between skunk and chunk, I gotta tell ya, I’ll take the skunk.”

Fargo Mom Thought Marijuana Legalization Would Have Destroyed Colorado By Now

Stop lying to us, Obama.

Stop lying to us, Obama!

Fargo,ND−Area mother Cynthia Lincoln-Baxter finds herself utterly perplexed at the fact that Colorado hasn’t devolved into an absolute wasteland full of crime, poverty and despair since the state’s decriminalization of marijuana last year.

“With pots as dangerous as they are I just don’t understand how cities like Denver haven’t succumbed to all the pots-fueled crime,” hissed Lincoln-Baxter, in between bites of string cheese that she wasn’t even taking apart—just chomping into it like some kind of rage-fueled monster. “Especially if you consider the proven notion that pots leads to heroin addiction. That alone should have killed off half the city’s population by now,” she said.

Lincoln-Baxter also seemed visibly distraught at the media’s lack of pot-related crime coverage. “Why hasn’t Brian Williams been telling us about the pot suicides and driving while high deaths?” she asked, quizzically. “Obama is blocking these reports!! I’ve been reading the Denver Post and not ONE mention of pot suicide or pot driving deaths like I know there has been.”

If you’ve seen any legitimate reports of “pot suicides” or “pot-induced coma” or “pot driving deaths” or “pot riots” or “pots murder” or “bong-related assaults” or “pot-fueled domestic disputes” or “pot on pot crime”, please, let us know in the comment section.

Recreational Use of Alcohol Now Legal In Colorado

A happy Colorado citizen, drunk off of legally-purchased alcohol

A happy Colorado citizen, “drunk” off legally-purchased alcohol

Denver, CO—At the turn of the new year, legislation passed in the state of Colorado permitted  “liquor stores” to begin selling alcoholic beverages over-the-counter directly to citizens. This has infuriated MAID (Mothers Against Impaired Driving), who think that this move will open the floodgates to thousands upon thousands of alcohol-related deaths due to over-consumption of the drug, not to mention the increase in motor-vehicle casualties caused by intoxicated driving.

MAID has been fighting the good fight against stoned driving ever since its founder’s son was killed by a stoned driver, a driver who obtained the drug legally via one of the thousands of pot shops where marijuana is and has been legal to buy since prohibition ended in 1933. On a yearly basis, the nation does experience a handful of marijuana-related vehicle fatalities, but as of press time, there have been zero cases of overdose.

Alcohol, if illegally consumed at too high a quantity over a short period of time, can be fatal. It can also severely impair one’s hand-eye coordination. It is said that a mere 2 drinks consumed in under one hour can hinder one’s ability to safely operate a motor vehicle. Now, with easy accessibility of tasty alcoholic beverages, cases of alcohol poisoning and driving while intoxicated in Colorado are set to skyrocket.

Political analysts cannot even fathom how Colorado was able to pass this legislation. They say that even with no proven medicinal purpose, demand for legal recreational use of alcohol has increased substantially over the years leaving state lawmakers no choice but to decriminalize.

Meet the Press’s Gregory David:

“This new legislation will turn disastrous for Colorado. Its roads will become a haven for vehicular manslaughter and its people will start dying at insane numbers due to overconsumption. Colorado will become the most ridiculously dangerous state in the union now that alcohol is legal.”

Oscar The Grouch

Oscar The Grouch Admits He Is Made Of Marijuana

Oscar The Grouch
Oscar The Grouch, a muppet character from the ever so popular kids show Sesame Street, has finally come clean about himself.

Today on Good Morning America, Oscar has revealed to the world that he is actually made out of Marijuana.

“I feel it was time to finally come clean about myself.  I am indeed, one big nug of weed.”

Parents Television Council have been in a huff since this revelation as Sesame Street is a childrens television show.

Concerned parents are afraid Oscar The Grouch will endanger their children, turn them into murderers, and become a gateway to more hardcore drugs.  However, after speaking with some current and former children on the show, they stated that they have been smoking Oscar The Grouch for quite sometime now which explains why they always seem so happy on the show.

oscar the grouch smoking weed

Oscar states that he does not put pressure on any children to smoke him but does admit it helps him, as well as the children, deal with the fact that there is a big yellow talking bird on the show.  It also calms his nerves due to the stress of living in a garbage can all his life.

Fargo Man Arrested for Marijuana Instead of Concealed Deadly Weapon

420timeshandcuffs_weed_small11Fargo, ND—The Observer has learned that a Fargo man was caught in possession of marijuana and a concealed weapon last night. Kenneth Noisewater was pulled over for running a red light on south University drive at about 9:45, according to a police report.

The officer noticed the odor of what he suspected was marijuana (a relatively harmless-but-illegal weed) and ordered a search of the vehicle. The vehicle search revealed a baggie containing marijuana, (a plant that, if smoked, gets you kind of high but has never ever killed anybody but can get you into a lifetime of trouble with the law, your family and your employer or future employer if you are caught in possession of it) a misdemeanor offense and a 9mm semi-automatic handgun (a highly dangerous weapon, responsible for literally thousands of violent deaths per year which is totally legal to carry if you have a permit).

The officer was then able to arrest Kenneth for possession of marijuana (a drug that Kenneth and millions upon millions of other humans use to feel good, relax, even relieve chronic pain and again, is responsible for ZERO deaths. A person could argue that a concealed handgun is 10x more dangerous than a concealed sack of hippie lettuce and that person would be correct 100% of the time) but there were no charges filed for the licensed 9mm handgun (a brutal instrument manufactured specifically for the purpose of inflicting severe physical harm, most often resulting in death. If a criminal were to hold a loaded gun in one hand and a loaded ganja pipe in the other, i’m guessing he could do far more damage with the gun than the pot but please, let me know if you ever see a masked man use a loaded water bong to rob a 7-11 and I will gladly retract that statement).

Law enforcement proudly removed another bag of grass from the streets while the deadly weapon remained in circulation.

Colorado: Violent Crime Down 400% Since Marijuana Legalization

pipes not knives!

Pipes, not knives! Bongs, not guns!

Denver, CO – First quarter 2013 crime statistics are officially in from the Mile High City, and things are looking up. Violent crime has taken a nose dive compared to past years. Crimes of passion and hate have seen a record downturn, plummeting more than 400% during the first 3 months of this year.

It would appear that Denver county is making a peaceful name for itself after legalizing personal amounts of Sticky Green Leaf.

Dude, woah, like, nobody has been robbing or hurting anybody for like ever (or at least since everybody’s been puffing tough). With the ease of access to buds, more and more would-be criminals are kicking back, trading in their guns for pipes. They’re busy snacking on pot brownies instead of stabbing for crack rocks.

Maaaan, the sitch in D-town has gotten, like, so chill. It’s rad. Peace and love, yo! Peeps are buying bongs instead of guns and filling them full of hippie lettuce instead of bullets. Word. Flower power! The proliferation of pipes has led to the sudden reduction in crime, stoner statistics say. Did you just see that, maaaan? Like, the numbers went waaaaay down all of a sudden! Whoooaaaa.

If these trends continue, Denver police are going to gain a serious advantage over violent crime. Hey bro, they might even, like, completely stop it from, like, happening and junk. Far out!