Tag Archives: meeting

Moorhead’s Turkey Mitigation Program Getting High Marks

Let’s Talk Turkey!

Moorhead, MN – The City of Moorhead is having a special all-city meeting to talk turkey.

With a problematic over-abundance of wild turkeys, all options are on the table.

Option #1: Turkey Adoption Program (TAP) would ask Moorhead residents to adopt one (1) wild turkey and keep it in the confines of their fenced back yard with the idea that if kept apart, there would be less wild turkeys in the future.

Option #2: Slingshot some of Moorhead’s wild turkeys into Fargo with the idea being: Out of sight. Out of mind. Out of Moorhead!

Option #3: Market Moorhead Turkey Jerky at all the local convenience stores with the idea that if you can’t beat them, then just eat them. (Another variation here would be for Moorhead to celebrate Thanksgiving monthly.)

Option #4: Gather up all the wild turkeys and turn them into Wild Turkey Bourbon to be used as the centerpiece of Moorhead’s Annual Wild Turkey Bourbon Fest.

FMO Hiring Day Will Be A Week From Next Month

We want to hire you but can only hire a few to add to our great crew and bring some blood that’s new.

West Fargo, ND – Yes, once again it’s almost Hiring Day at the FM Observer!

Because we’ve lost some impotent associates during this last hectically wonderful year, we’ll be looking to fill some key vacancies in our team line-up, including:

Assistant Vice President, Assistant to the Vice President, Rogue Reporter #2, Field Reporter #3, Head Sous Chef, Numerologist, Executive Psychic, Domestic Engineer, Drone Specialist, Press Secretariat, Safety Council Chairman, Assistant Paralegologist, Research Coordinator, Verbal Judo Bouncer, and Dog Whisperer.

Benefits of joining the FMO Team:
1. Free doggy daycare.
2. No pay and no bonuses.
3. Non-flexible schedules.
4. Team meeting inclusion.
5. No healthcare insurance.
6. Self Esteem booster shots.
7. Free coffee from 5:30-6:00 AM.
8. Focus and Purpose to your life.
9. English as a first language classes.
10. Joy from having found your Last Job.

Fargo Skool Board Reveals Its List Of Lofty Goals For The Upcoming Year

caption here

Fargo Skool Board members wear their red choir robes to sing in unison on critical issues affecting future generations of tax payers.

Fargo, ND – It is that exciting time of year again when the Fargo Skool Board announces its list of goals for the upcoming skool year.

Not only is it important to set easily understandable and attainable goals but it has been shown that sharing these goals with parents and students at the outset of the year also creates accountability.

Plus, providing Fargo Skool Board members a good exercise in well-defined goal setting demonstrates for others how to properly function in a post-industrialized society for future generations to come during good times and bad times regardless of one’s fiscal propensities.

Here are the Fargo Skool Board’s Top Ten goals for the upcoming year listed in order of how long they are:

1. Implement classroom-based enrichment through experiential-based learning processes.
2. Seize standards-based mastery learning within professional learning communities.
3. Revolutionize over-arching risk-takers through a collaborative process.
4. Exemplify real-time schemas through authentic, real-world scenarios.
5. Pool bottom-up experiences across cognitive and affective domains.
6. Embrace assessment-driven critical learning via self-reflection.
7. Operationalize real-world models for our 21st century learners.
8. Engineer inquiry-centered styles within the core curriculums.
9. Triangulate over-arching student success via introspection.
10. Deliver intuitive schemas through cognitive disequilibrium.
11. Grow critical guiding coalitions in data-driven schools.
12. Enable dynamic living documents across content areas.
13. Amalgamate dynamic experiences through “Big Ideas”.

When asked to list them in priority order with the most important first, here is the order we were given: 10, 12, 7, 8, 5, 13, 11, 3, 6, 1, 9, 2, 4.

When asked to list them in order of the most challenging down to the least challenging, here is that order: 12, 4, 8, 6, 5, 13, 1, 7, 11, 9, 3, 2, 10.

When asked to list them in order of the most cost-effective if achieved within a set timeframe, here is that order: 6, 8, 2, 9, 11, 1, 3, 10, 4, 5, 13, 7, 12.

Finally, when asked to list them in numerical order based on their randomly assigned goal numbers, here is that order: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13.

Local Idiot Support Group Has Standing Room Only During First Meeting

caption here

Moorhead’s Idiot Support Group

Moorhead, MN – After receiving an overwhelming number of requests, the City of Moorhead’s Idiot Support Group had its big kick-off meeting this week.

It was scheduled to take place in a meeting room at the Public Liberry but probably should have been located in a much larger school gymnasium.

Anonymous moronic idiots from the entire region converged to share idiotic stories about themselves.

Group leader Blanche Muggler commented after the meeting: “I have never seen so many idiots in one place at the same time in my entire life. It was truly a sight to behold.”

Upcoming day-long gatherings of the Idiot Support Group will be held at the Concordia College gymnasium on the 6th Tuesday and 7th Thursday of every month.