West Fargo, ND – If a new couple has just moved into your neighborhood, within the first two weeks after they’ve arrived, you should definitely show up unannounced at their front door during normal visiting hours, with a few nice house-warming presents.
This will not only satisfy all your curiosities about what your new neighbors are like, but will also allow them to get a good first impression of you and some of your idiosyncrasies.
Showing up without any sort of present is very gauche! Because you are expecting your new neighbors to invite you in for snacks and coffee or beer, having some sort of gift is certainly mandatory.
Specifically for the Fargo and West Fargo area, here are some great ideas for good house-warming gifts:
☺ A Trump-scented candle to make America smell great again
☺ Any animal about to be euthanized at the Humane Society
☺ A list of all your phone numbers and email addresses
☺ A box of doggy treats for canine family members
☺ A partially redacted copy of the Mueller Report
☺ A variety pack of different colored duct tapes
☺ A framed autographed picture of yourself
☺ An extra-large (unopened) bottle of booze
☺ An old Bible from any second-hand store
☺ A living, breeding pair of Sugar Gliders
☺ A brand new submersible sump pump
☺ A few of your favorite hotdish recipes
☺ Season tickets to Bison football
☺ Any Michael Bolton CDs
☺ A few memory lanterns
Large banks of speakers blasting Michael Bolton songs to be used to minimize illegal immigration.
Rio Grande, TX – Border patrol enforcement officers will soon be using an effective new weapon in their fight against illegal immigration across the southern border of the United States.
Very loud Michael Bolton songs have proven quite successful in preventing lab animals from climbing over fences and walls.
U.S. Border Agents believe this new strategery will work well in preventing thousands of undocumented Democrats from entering our country illegally.
The following list of Michael Bolton songs will be played loudly from large banks of speakers all along the southern border since they have shown to be especially effective at driving people away:
◘ When A Man Loves A Woman
◘ If You Don’t Know Me By Now
◘ How Am I Supposed To Live Without You
◘ Said I Loved You But I Lied
◘ How Can We Be Lovers
◘ Can I Touch You There?
◘ Sexual Healing
◘ I’ll Never Love This Way Again
◘ Ain’t Got Nothing If You Ain’t Got Love
◘ I’m Your Puppet