Tag Archives: new year’s eve

FMO’s Suggested List For Your 2018 New Year’s Resolutions

caption here

Another chance to start a new chapter!

Fargo, ND – It’s that unfortunate time of year again when everyone is frantically trying to come up with their list of New Year’s Resolutions. And once again, FMO to the rescue!

After many hours of intense focus group studies and eating glazed donuts, we have come up with our suggested list for your 2018 New Year’s Resolutions:

10. Lose more weight than you gain in 2018, unless you’re bulimic, then just the opposite.

9. Spend less time on FaceBook and more time with your face-in-a-book, perhaps @ the local library, to basically people-watch people who don’t have anywhere else to go, and nothing else to do, except look at you.

8. Periodically call the front desk of a large hotel and order room service directly to your home. When they object, then say you strenuously object to their tone of voice, and threaten to not pay your room bill.

7. Start doing some serious Christmas shopping in June and have everything wrapped up by Halloween (using a secret code system to remember what’s inside each present.)

6. Win more often when attending casinos and vow to only pick winning stocks to invest in with your monthly grocery money.

5. Take more stay-cations @ home and spend them bingeing out on the next season of all those Netflix series.

4. Learn a new hobby, such as: making weird animal sounds, start a ukulele support group, gather one-ingredient recipes into a cookbook for dummies, collect old mirrors from garage sales and strategically place them to maximize the amount of sun coming into your home.

3. At home, re-organize everything you own alphabetically and then in order by size, or vice versa.

2. Spend more time with strangers by doing volunteer work @ random places in random towns @ random times.

1. Express anger immediately so it doesn’t build up into a giant pressure cooker that blows during “fun” family getogethers.

0. Read FMObserver religiously and pray for the FMObserver writers to produce more viral content.

HAPPY NEW YEAR from the FMObserver!

Previous FMO New Year’s Resolution Guidance

Area Man Wants To Tell You All About Epic New Year’s Eve Party

19161226_3de09088ef_bFargo, ND—Below-zero temps never stopped one area man from having a good time on New Year’s Eve! Vince Noisewater of Fargo had a rockin’ good time on New Year’s Eve, and now you’re gonna hear about it.

“What’d you do for new year’s, bro?” Vince asked, baiting you with an open-ended question just so he could fire back with intimate details of his Dec 31st exploits. “Yeah, I was at this rager. Shit, bro, you should’ve seen all the tail. Chicks were dressed up all fancy and junk. Man, it was epic.”

Vince went on to explain how much he drank and who he failed to get with at midnight. He even went as far as to depict what color his vomit was later that night. “Was crushing 99 Bananas shots all night, dog! It looked like I was peeing out my mouth!”