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travis beck ndsu bison fargo

New Police Video. NDSU linebacker Travis Beck Had Dirty Hands.

travis beck ndsu bison fargoFargo, ND – North Dakota State University star linebacker Travis Beck has been all over the news lately.  He recently had his aggravated assault charge dropped but a new video has surfaced.

Police have obtained the security bathroom video which shows Travis Beck before the alleged assault incident.  The video depicts Travis Beck not washing his hands after going number two.

These new developments are astonishing because that means Travis Beck more then likely had poopy hands during the alleged assault/self defense incident.  The other individual had no idea poopy hands were being used against him.

Travis Beck has been taken into custody again and will be charged with using poopy hands in a self defense situation.  We will make sure to report these new police findings to all news stations and government agencies including the White House.  Travis Beck deserves punishment for this.

Hopefully he learns to wash his hands properly before the NDSU Bison take the field.  Nobody wants to play with poopy hand guy.

North Dakota State University Bison

Whole Lot of Boner At The Summit League Women’s Golf Championship

North Dakota State University BisonKELLER, Texas  – The first round of the Summit League women’s championship took place on Monday.

North Dakota State University had four golfers finish in the top ten.  Senior Amy Anderson and freshman Hailey Boner are tied for second place.  They both managed to shoot a 76.

Currently there is a three-way tie for second place with Anderson and Boner while Knutson is part of a three-way tie for fifth place.

Women’s second round play is scheduled to begin at 8 a.m. Tuesday, April 23, and the final round is slated for a 10:15 a.m. start Wednesday, April 24.

Expect to see Boner awake and ready for action bright and early Tuesday morning.  I would expect to see an even more erect and pumped Boner during the final round Wednesday, April 24th.

Boner has nothing to lose.  Boner must get the swing down if she is going to impress her competitors.  Boner should expect to put fear into her opponents by the power and accuracy of her swing.

If Boner’s swing is strong and accurate, it may just intimidate her opponents enough to forfeit.  If Boner is tired and feeling limpy then it may be a long day of golf as her competitors look to pull ahead of her.

If Boner is looking to win, Boner must not forget to wash her balls.  Boner does not want her balls dirty if she is to put them in multiple holes throughout the competition.

We are really rooting for Boner and we wish her the best.  Keep that swing strong Boner!

What Year Is It? Is That The NDSU Bison Football Team On TV?

Fargo, ND – Another weekend of NDSU football is here.  People all over the Fargo-Moorhead area are hunkering down in their warm homes to watch the NDSU Bison try and win another football game.

So here you are.  You probably got two pounds of chili to tear through, five varieties of chip dips to eat, and other things cooking on the grill.  Your friends are all over, mom and dad stopped by, hell even grandma and grandpa came back down from heaven to watch the game with you.  Everything is looking like it’s going to be a great day to watch Bison football.  That is, until you turn on the television.  You look over to see grandma squinting at the television as she asks, “Is that bull riding on the television?  I can’t…..really……..see anything.”

“Are we about to play Tecmo Bowl?” my brother asks.

It is then you realize that you are staring straight into the year 1990.  Did you slip into a vortex and time travel back to 1990?  Likely not.  The broadcast is being beamed to you in standard definition and there is not a damn thing you can do about it.  Now instead of sitting around the room with your legs sprawled out and nacho cheese on your pregnant looking belly, everyone in the room has to huddle in front of the television to see what is actually going on.  Goodbye eyes.  Didn’t need you anyways.

Maybe next time you should just just show up at the dome and demand to be let in.  State that you are the Bison Thunder God and are here to bring happiness, joy, and pixels for everyone.  Or, drive on over to the head office at NDSU and hand them your bill from the eye doctor.


Amanda Smock Having A Hard Time Finding A Job After Recent News Coverage

Fargo, ND – Former North Dakota State University Amanda Smock won the triple jump at the U.S. Olympic Trials last Monday, June 25th.

This great achievement has produced North Dakota State’s first United States Olympic track and field athlete.  However, it hasn’t all been good news.

Since all the recent news coverage last week, Amanda Smock has stated that she has had a very hard time landing a job.  Her recent pictures plastered all over the internet have fooled potential employers into thinking that she may not all be right in the head.  She could possibly have a mental disorder or brain damage and unable to fulfill all required job requirements.

One employer, after seeing Amanda’s job application, searched the internet to creep and get some dirt on her.  What he found were pictures of her running such as the ones below.

amanda smock

“After seeing these I said to myself, there is no way this women can fulfill all the job requirements.  Not with that face.  Nope.  No way.  Something isn’t right there” the employer stated.

Another employer saw her job application as well and did as the previous creepy employer did, searched the internet.  He unfortunately found the picture below.

Amanda Smock Funny Face

Amanda Smock posing for the camera.

Immediately after seeing the picture above he threw her application into the garbage.  “There is no way I can hire a women who looks to be shitting themselves while running.  It just isn’t going to work.  Not gonna happen” the other employer stated.

We wish Amanda Smock the best of luck at the Olympics.  After a win there, hopefully future potential employers will disregard her pictures on the internet and consider hiring her.


North Dakota State University (NDSU) Bison

Cuts are coming to North Dakota State University. Dean Bresciani Faces Tough Decisions.

Fargo, ND – North Dakota State University Head Mafia Boss President Dean Bresciani is facing very VERY tough decisions these days.  This comes after the State Board Of Higher Education denied a request for a half-percent hike in NDSU’S tuition. ” Waa Waa Waa” was heard from people who actually have a door to enter their office on the NDSU campus.  They were last seen crawling out of their offices, opening the door, and peeing on everyone in a cubicle.

In another example of “We can’t make this up” the President Dean Bresciani said, “there’s nothing left to cut.”  With President Deans ridiculous salary of over 300k, we at the FM Observer know exactly where to cut it.  Instead of cutting heads off mafia style Bresciani, let’s cut your salary.  What do you actually do that warrants 300k a year when your “subordinates” probably do all the work anyways?  Not to mention last year, the top dogs, which included you, were given pay raises approved via North Dakota’s Board of Higher Fuck You In Your Ass.  Even with that kind of money you couldn’t buy a hooker hot enough to give your ugly faces a lap dance.

More common sense from the common folk Bresciani, had this to say, “”We’ll try to shave that bone versus cutting that bone.” “We want to do everything possible to preserve the educational environment here.”  He left out “cutting that bone” to include him and his cronies salary.  That means doing everything necessary to GIVE ME RAISE he meant.  One year ago the board of higher education approved a nearly 9% tuition increase at NDSU but yet earlier that year approved a raise to the d bags who don’t even deserve it.

Good job higher education.  Take all the money you can.  Your bubble will soon BUST and then your left with Karma.  This Karma gal is a complete bitch we heard.