Tag Archives: octomom

Heidi Heitkamp And Kevin Cramer Agree To Three UFC-Style Octagon Fights

Will octagon fighting between candidates become the new normal? Tune in to find out.

Bismarck, ND – Heidi Heitkamp and Kevin Cramer, who are both fighting for the same Senate seat, will meet three times prior to the election in order to help undecided voters make their choice.

Their campaigns have agreed that these three meetings will each be a UFC-style fight held within a fenced octagon in which there basically are no rules.

North Dakota is possibly the first state to have their candidates engage in octagon fighting, instead of the normal (and boring) debate setting where they answer questions whilst standing at a podium and sip water for an hour.

These three exciting octagon fights between Heidi Heitkamp and Kevin Cramer are expected to be watched by people all across the country, not only because of the importance of the race but also because of the uniqueness of their encounters.

BREAKING: Doctors find 9th unborn fetus inside Octomom

4063689470_7789d77f11_bLos Angeles, CA – During a routine check-up at the local OBGYN, excavators discovered a lifeless unborn fetus stuck inside famously inseminated degenerate Nadya Suleman, also known as Octomom. A visit to the gyno is no picnic for Octomom, as a team of doctors wearing HAZMAT suits and spelunking gear is needed to perform even the most simple and routine Octomaintenance.

Doctors went exploring recently and made a shocking discovery: a 9th baby. It appears that not all the children were harvested from the Octocave! Miss Suleman was, needless to say, shocked and dismayed at the discovery.

We caught up with one of the fearless spelunkers/Doctors to get some insight as to what went on:

“The vaginal walls were very dry. It was rank. The HAZMAT suit I wore was an older one, so some of the stench made its way in almost immediately, but I pressed on. We needed to check the ovaries and such. After about a half hour of exploration, the 3 other doctors and I caught a glimpse of something highly unorthodox in the deepest corner of the uterus. That’s when we knew…”

This has all the makings of a terrifying sequel to the smash hit movie The Abyss. Never before has the Observer heard such a shocking tale of discovery. This has to be an emotional time for Suleman, who is now rumored to be changing her nickname to Nonomom. We wish Nonomom all the best.