Tag Archives: office

FMO Hiring Senior Retro-Tech Position To Service All Our Older Equipment

Knowledge of older equipment is a plus.

Eastern West Fargo, in Southeastern North Dakota – The FM Observer is proud to announce that we are interested in hiring a Senior Retro-Tech to our staff of Information Technologists.

Candidates must be willing to work in a slow-paced environment and be able to handle extreme pressure well.

Must be willing and able to work days and nights and also weekends and holidays for little or no compensation.

You should be able to take things apart and then put them back together.

Successful applicants would be expected to respectfully stand at attention with hand on heart during the national anthem and our daily pledge of allegiance.

Willingness to participant in office sports betting pools and bring in cookies would be a big plus.

Knowledge of all older types of retro-equipment which has a lot of knobs and buttons would be helpful since that it pretty much your main responsibility.

Candidate should be able to zoom in and zoom out when needed.

Language skills preferably would include English and Spanish as a first or second language, profanity, and also a basic understanding of office notes written in Tamil.

Must be willing to relocate if we ever decide to move or take the entire company on an “extended vacation” due to Global Cooling or problems with local law enforcement.

We are looking for a team player who is willing to be proactive and approachable.

You should be able to set positive goals that are achievable.

Having good time management skills is welcome as is being able to quickly respond to an emergency situation of any kind.

We are looking for someone who can prioritize many tasks as to their urgency and importance, re-think existing processes, educate yourself on the latest retro-technology, and ask questions when the answers may not be right in front of you.

If you feel your particular skill set is what the FM Observer is looking for, print multiple copies of your one-page resume in Tamil (using Google Translate if needed), and put one copy in each of our In-Box folders on our desks when we’re out to lunch (which is pretty much the whole day).

Sales Exec Serves As Lookout During Illicit Video Playback


Picture courtesy of Getty Images and FOX’s new movie, Unfinished Business, in theaters March 6th

If you want to have childish fun at work, you better make sure you don’t get caught. That’s the risk you take when you watch fail vids and barf vids during business hours.

In order to combat this risk, you need to take the proper precautions.

Sales executive Dan Trunkman was given the hefty responsibility of keeping an eye on the hallway as they all watched a hilarious barf video on YouTube. “One of us needs to serve as lookout while we watch. Dan, it’s your turn,” said lead marketing analyst Shalli McSkeetle.

“There’s a lot on the line here. If anyone catches us watching this video, we’re in deep shit,” Dan says. “I can keep my right eye on the barf vid and at the same time, keep my left eye on the hallway. It’s an invaluable skill, my man.”

Dan went on to say that he’s honing his lookout skills for this year’s March Madness tournament. He’s expected to be on hallway lookout for two straight days while the gang watches basketball online.

Phone Call Bails Area Man Out Of Face-to-Face Conversation


Picture courtesy of Getty Images and FOX’s new movie, Unfinished Business, in theaters March 6th

The awkward drudgery of interpersonal small talk was brought to an abrupt halt today for one area man. Mike Pancake was nearly out of things to talk about with his rambling co-worker Randy when the gods finally smiled upon him: His phone rang.

Mike could hardly contain his joy as he felt the vibration in his pocket. “Excuse me, Randy, I have to take this,” he explained as Randy’s incessant mutterings trailed off.

“Dude, you freaking saved me. I was about to pull Randy’s face off like Geena Davis did to hers in Beetlejuice,” said Mike to his savior, while a sullen Randy stared off into space.

“I swear if you get within 8 feet of Randy’s desk, you get sucked into a weird conversation every time. He’s like a human black hole.”

Fargo Man Charged With Felony Stupidity For ‘Reply All’ Email

Freaking-OutFargo, ND – Office Police have formally charged Mr. Kenneth Noisewater with a class A felony in stupidity after his inadvertent ‘reply all’ to a company email.

Noisewater allegedly hit the ‘reply all’ button instead of a normal ‘reply’ after a mass email requesting an attendance head count to a company BBQ was sent out. Here is a transcript of Noisewater’s boneheaded maneuver:


From: Kenneth Noisewater

Sent: Monday, July 23 2013

To: All Company Employees, Human Resources

Subject: Re: COMPANY BBQ


I will be attending the BBQ this Thrusday. Thx

Kenneth Noisewater, esq



Wow. Not only did Kenneth hit ‘reply all’, but he also gifted the ENTIRE COMPANY with a typographical error (see: Thrusday). Doofus. Spell check much?? Not to mention the use of the selfishly abbreviated Thanks (see: Thx). I hope the Office Gestapo comes down on him hard during sentencing after he’s convicted of Felony Stupidity.