Captain Jack says to be very careful what keys you push as some can pop open the plane’s cargo bay doors while in flight.
Organ, NM – As former test pilots for NASA, a few of our FMO staff members got to personally witness the unveiling of the latest Boeing 797 airplane.
While having every modern convenience known to man, some might say that the new Boeing 797 plane’s cockpit resembles a large organ.
“But don’t be fooled!” says Captain Jack Perkins.
“Literally every aspect of the new Boeing 797 airplane can be control with the press of a key, or in some cases, a special secret combination of keys.”
As a safeguard against hijackers, the normal flying of the plane is controlled by what type of music Captain Jack plays. If flying through some bumpy weather, Captain Jack plays a lively polka. While flying in calmer skies, the Tennessee Waltz might be more apropos.
Moorhead, MN – Unhappy church officials at the House Of God Inc. are investigating an alleged fondling of their church organ.
A man who had apparently dressed himself up to look like the church janitor was caught groping and fondling the large organ in the main church sanctuary.
The man, whose name is Peter Sexmeyer, was later discovered to be a level two sex offender who was also being sought in both Texas and Colorado for similar assaults on other smaller church organs.
Church president Mrs. Valerie Clankster said on behalf of their stunned congregation: “I think it’s very creepy that someone would do such a thing in our beloved church. It feels like our worship space has been violated. It will be hard to forgive this lewd and sinful act because now, whenever we sing our hymns, we’ll be thinking of that fricking pervert having sex with our big organ.”
Will this church congregation ever get past this salacious incident? Probably.
Will this church organ ever be the same? Probably not.
Will this sexoholic pseudo janitor get prison time for this organic act? Maybe not.
Should you be on the lookout for sex-crimes against your church organ? Maybe yes.
Palo Alto, California – Facebook this week has released a new organ harvesting application. This new facebook application was announced Tuesday by Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg as a way to harvest users organs and sell them to black markets internationally and here in the United States.
The facebook application allows users to “Register An Organ.” In doing so, it will match you up with creepy doctors, gangsters, clergymen and surgeons from South Africa and Brazil. From there, these people will remove your registered organ and sell it to facebook for a small fee. Facebook will then sell to the highest bidder on the black market.
“I can’t wait to sell my brain,” one facebook user said.
“I like to share everything. Hopfully I can now share my heart and sell it to someone who needs it,” another facebook user said.
This is a great new feature for facebook and it’s users. Facebook is looking to implement another useful feature in the future called “Kill Me.” We will report more on that when facebook is closer to a release date.