Tag Archives: questions

Fargo Woman Named ‘Siri’ Gets Asked A Lot Of Questions

Fargo resident Siri Kittlaus is a veritable magnet for questions throughout her day.

Fargo, ND – Siri Kittlaus, who’s been living in Fargo ever since she graduated from Concordia College, gets asked a lot of questions during a normal day.

Siri, who originally grew up in Sweden, explained to us that as soon as someone finds out her name, they usually ask her at least one question.

FMO: What are some of the most common questions that you’re asked?

Siri: Oh, it’s usually something like what’s the current weather in Denver, or how many grams in a cup of flour, and I can usually tell them the answers.

FMO: What are some frequent questions for which you don’t have the answers?

Siri: Oh, those would probably include 1. What is zero divided by zero? and 2. When will the world end?

FMO: How do you respond when someone asks if you have any good riddles or jokes?

Siri: Well, for those, I always carry around with me a small book of a thousand riddles and another with a thousand jokes.

FMO: Do you have any pets, and what’s your favorite color?

Siri: OK, I am now done answering your questions!

Creative Ways To Decline An Offer (Besides Just Saying No)

If just saying NO doesn’t work, try one of these negative phrases:

West Fargo, ND – Your FM Observer recently brought in two excellent professional life coaches to instruct our entire staff on how to say “NO” in a number of different ways.

Let’s face it, there are many times you’re asked if you’d want to volunteer for a committee, or buy a coupon booklet, or get involved in some weekly activity. At the time, you know you should decline, but for some reason you say YES (and later regret it).

Certified Life Coaches Sonja Yust and Tony Jauss (who headquarter out of New Orleans, or NO-town) had us practice saying a number of useful phrases that can be used when trying to decline an offer when someone is asking you to do something you’d really rather not agree to.

After first responding by saying “Why do you ask?” then use any of these cleverly designed phrases as an alternative to just saying NO:

⦿ What part of “Nyet” don’t you understand?
⦿ This is not part of my agenda for this decade.
⦿ All signs are pointing toward non-concurrence.
⦿ My jurisdiction doesn’t cover this type of fiasco.
⦿ Thanks for asking, and for never bringing it up again.
⦿ I can commit to not committing to your misguided plans.
⦿ I gave up doing things that make me want to kill myself.
⦿ Let me think about it and I’ll get back to you in 20 years.
⦿ This idea is more undesirable to me than nude ice fishing.
⦿ Unfortunately, I don’t see this as being on my Vision Board.
⦿ I am currently not in the market to buy what you’re selling.
⦿ There are more gullible people you should discuss this with.
⦿ You seem to be barking up the wrong tree at the wrong time.
⦿ Your presentation is not falling into any common sense category.
⦿ You should rethink this idea until it starts to make some sense.
⦿ My news years resolution was to avoid stupid ideas like this one.
⦿ I would rather remove my own gallbladder with a rusty pitchfork.
⦿ Life is too short to pursue things like this that seem to totally suck.
⦿ I’ll consider your idea after the Minnesota Vikings win the Super Bowl.
⦿ This is the exit point at which I plan on disembarking this train to hell.
⦿ There are worse things I could agree to but I can’t think of any right now.
⦿ Sorry. That’s the day of my grandmother’s soccer game, and I never miss those!

⦾ Ironically, all of the letters in both “Sonja Yust” and “Tony Jauss” can easily be re-arranged to: “Just Say No!”

An Exclusive FMO Interview With Walt Whitman

Walt Whitman says hello to all our FMO readers!

A conversation with Walt Whitman (1819-1892)

FMO: How do you feel about having an image of yourself on a postage stamp?
Walt Whitman: If you done it, it ain’t bragging.

FMO: Many consider you one of America’s great poets and some call you the Father Of Free Verse. Your thoughts on this, sir?
WW: To have great poets, there must be great audiences.

FMO: Your bio indicates you were also a journalist, a teacher, a government clerk, and a volunteer nurse during the Civil War. You seem to have a real connection with the common folk.
WW: I dance with the dancers and drink with the drinkers.

FMO: You have obviously written a lot. Do you also like to spend time reading?
WW: A morning-glory at my window satisfies me more than the metaphysics of books.

FMO: Any thoughts on the current state of world affairs?
WW: Judging from the main portions of the history of the world, so far, justice is always in jeopardy.

FMO: What do you think the future holds?
WW: The future is no more uncertain than the present.

FMO: How do you deal with life on a daily basis?
WW: To me, every hour of the day and night is an unspeakably perfect miracle.

FMO: What lessons have you learned?
WW: I have learned that to be with those I like is enough.

FMO: What advice would you care to share with our readers?
WW: Be curious, not judgmental. Keep your face always toward the sunshine and shadows will fall behind you.

Note: Every response is an actual quotation from Walt Whitman.

FMO Announces The 2018 Smartest Kids Contest

How smart is your kid?

West Fargo, ND – The FM Observer is excitedly proud to announce our 2018 Smartest Kids Contest.

“Think of this as a spelling bee but you’re asked questions instead of spelling words,” says Dr. Thomas Tuttle, who runs the Smartest Kids Contest, and who also won his age division when he was younger.

Questions can be on any topic such as current events, general factoids, members of President Trump’s cabinet, cocktail ingredients, historical facts, who’s married to whom, sports trivia, the value of PI, and much much more.

First place winners in each age group will win a trip to Grand Forks, whilst second place winners will win two trips to Grand Forks, and so on and so forth.

If you would like to participate, simply contact Dr. Thomas Tuttle with all your personal information such as name, birth date, Mother’s maiden name, social security number, bank accounts and credit cards. After that, simply start studying for Fargo’s 2018 Smartest Kids Contest!

One tip: Answers to all the possible contest questions can be found in the Fargo Public Liberry.

Top Ten Questions To Ask Family, In-Laws, and Relatives During Christmas

To make church signs like this, use the link at the bottom of this post.

West Fargo, ND During your family getogethers with in-laws, relatives, and other extended family members, it is not only a good time to share handshakes and hugs in order to pass your cold and flu germs on to others, but it is also a perfect opportunity to throw out a few key questions to your Christmas group in order to check the general Zeitgeist of where everyone’s at regarding some of the current issues from the past few months.

Even tho your FM Observers are busy, out doing some last minute shopping at Happy Harry, we’ve taken the time to compile an easy-to-use list of questions to randomly throw out during times when the Christmastime conversations may hit a lull.

Top Ten Questions To Ask During Christmas:

10. What’s the latest on the Russian Collusion?
9. How many My Pillows do you have?
8. Have you ever heard of the FM Observer?
7. Are you for Global Warming or Global Cooling?
6. Whatever happened to Anthony’s Weiner?
5. How do you feel about the Red River Diversion project?
4. Do you think Carson Wentz will marry Cara Mund?
3. Did you hear who’s the latest guy accused of groping?
2. Can I have your pudding?
1. Isn’t President Trump doing a great job?!

Church Sign Generator

Glyndon MN Considering Covering Entire Town With A Clear Dome

This will be how Glyndon, MN will soon look if Jesper Søndergaard has anything to say about it.

Glyndon, MN – The quaint town of Glyndon which is often merely thought of as a suburb of Dilworth will possibly soon be covered with a good-sized clear plastic dome thus making it one of the largest greenhouses in the world.

This most interesting idea is the brainchild of Jesper Søndergaard, a Glyndon resident, who has real experience with this type of concept as he has actually done it in the South Swedish highlands (Sydsvenska höglandet) of his home country of Sweden.

Jesper såger: “Yah, I think after Glyndon gets used to being covered by a dome like we did over in Sweden there, people hier will really start to see the benefits of it. Climate change will basically be totally negated, not to mention no more blizzards, even tho I just did.”

In Swedish, the word for a dome is en kupol. To cover something is omslag, and stad is obviously their word for town. So, putting it all together now: Jesper Søndergaard would like to omslag the stad of Glyndon with en kupol!

There will be an informational townhall meeting on this impotent subject where citizens of the quaint town of Glyndon can learn more and ask questions.

Mr. Søndergaard wants folks to know that “Det finns något sådant som en kupol fråga”, which roughly translates into: “There’s no such thing as a dome question!”

April 30 Is National Chop-Down-Your-Neighbor’s-Tree Day

April 30 Is National Chop-Down-Your-Neighbor's-Tree Day!

Today is the day you get to chop down that tree you hate in your neighbor’s yard! No questions axed.

Marked Tree, Arkansas – In the wake of yesterday being Arbor Day, today is our national day to chop down any neighborhood trees that you don’t like. Chop it down today and axe questions tomorrow.

Trees have been shown to provide shade which can lead to Global Cooling. Do your part. Chopped down a tree today. No questions axed.

Many accidental injuries are tree-related such as falling out of a treehouse while drinking a bier. Help avoid these type of accidents in your neighborhood. Proactively start a-chopping. Axe a friend to help.

Trees can be home to many diseases such as Dutch Elm, Treebola, and the dreaded Zika Virus. If you’re tired of being sick, today is the day to make a difference.

So, go grab that axe and do what needs to be done. If they axe you why you’re doing it, there’s no need to mention that you read this post on the FM Observer. You just tell’em, hey, it’s National Chop-Down-A-Neighbor’s-Tree Day!

FMObserver Lands Exclusive Interview With Mr. Stephen Hawking

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Theoretical physicist and cosmologist, Stephen Hawking, sits down for an interview with your FMObserver.

FMO: What is time?

Stephen Hawking: I invite you to set aside your present preconceptions of time and consider the possibility of creating multiple duration streams as a quantitative measure for the day when demand for increasing services excludes all other choices in the quest for total excellence.

FMO: If a person ate themself, would they become twice as big or completely disappear?

Stephen Hawking: Most people, other than myself, have closed their eyes to the possibility of facilitating cannibalistic social networking as long as a potential for double action becomes the prevailing outlook.

FMO: What is the meaning of life?

Stephen Hawking: My goal for this ultimate theoretical question is utilizing outside-the-box thinking as a technique of experiencing quantum holistic change while maximum opportunity rises to the surface in a sea of ever-shifting credibility for living.

FMO: What’s the difference between good and bad?

Stephen Hawking: Today is your lucky day. I can now tell you that factoring oblique statistical trajectories of good versus bad has an ever-increasing side effect while the good spectrum expands beyond the current expectational matrix of the bad.

FMO: Does thought require language?

Stephen Hawking: You may totally disagree with me on this, but I firmly believe in finding language mining opportunities as the most logical step toward being exquisitely focused on thinking to offset actual thought generation.

FMO: How does a brain think?

Stephen Hawking: It’s not in the industry journals yet, but I’m spear-heading a think tank project group for targeting individual brain advancement incentives as a regenerative move while component brain inter-dependency grows exponentially toward the cerebral future horizon.

FMO: Is there a universal language?

Stephen Hawking: A secret passion of mine has always been the restructuring of vertical and horizontal relationship communicational hierarchies in anticipation of the day when potential for action includes all possibilities while striving for complete transparency.

FMO: Why do good jokes make people laugh?

Stephen Hawking: During a recent sabbatical I came up with the idea of studying the effects of disproportionate humorous reactional access restrictions when the primary win-win relationship substantiates a laughable projection response.

FMO: Is there intelligent life elsewhere in the universe?

Stephen Hawking: I haven’t divulged this to the general public yet, but I’m in the initial stages of enlisting top-down organizational life-finding strategies as a protective measure for the day when demand for increasing universal services continues onward into unknown alien worlds.

Hillary Didn’t Even Have A Computer In Her Office!

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How can I send a frickin email if I don’t even have a computer in my fricking office?!

Capitol Hill, DC – Our chief Washington correspondent, Mr. Ben Ghazi, was lucky enough be present while President-Elect Hillary Clinton got brutally questioned by mean, extremist, Republican members of Congress.

FMO’s Ben Ghazi reports that when Hillary was asked about her emails, she cleverly remarked that “she did not even have a computer in her office,” after which she yelled:

Hillary: “And even if I did have a fricking computer in my office, at this point, what difference does it make?!”

Trey Gowdy: “Why didn’t you have a computer in your office? That seems a bit unbelievable, in this day and age.”

Hillary: “Because, sir, I did not even have a desk in my office, and even if I did, what difference does it make at this point?!”

Jim Jordan: “With all due respect, Madam Secretary, could some evidence of wrongdoing by you or a member of your staff have been flushed down the toilet?”

Hillary: “No! Because, quite frankly, we did not even have a bathroom near my office, and even if I did, at this point, what difference does it make?!”

Peter Roskam: “It seems like you had a pretty stark office there. Could any incriminating materials have been swept under the rug, by any chance?”

Hillary: “Absolutely not! Not only did we not have any rugs or carpet to sweep things under, sir, we didn’t even have a floor in my office. And even if we did, at this point, what the hell difference does it make?!”