Tag Archives: reviews

Critics Saying Joker Movie One Of The Best Family-Friendly Comedies Since Caddyshack

Joaquin Phoenix may have a future as a stand-up comedian after this movie!

Gotham City, NJ – Critical feedback of the new Joker movie is giving it many thumbs up.

Here are what some of our favorite movie critic friends are saying about Joaquin Phoenix’s Joker movie:

Luther Frack: This new Joker movie is one of the funniest movies I have ever seen mainly because the audience is treated to lots of great jokes.

Clarke Furth: Not only is Joker totally family friendly like Halloween but I believe it should be shown in school to kids of all ages from kindergarten on up.

Ruth Fackler: Joker is by far the best movie since The Sound Of Music. It is guaranteed to make you smile and put on a happy face.

Lerch Furtak: Major thumbs way up for Joker. Not only does is remind us that life is a comedy but it also brings awareness to mental illness just like the movie Caddyshack did.

Erhart Fluck: I would rank this Joker movie as a must see movie for all ages. I just might begin my own joke diary after enjoying this total jokefest of a movie.

Relf Kutchar: My entire family loved this charming movie which is also being applauded by many church groups who are finding it a total inspiration to live a better life.

Critically, all of the letters in each of the above critic’s names can be re-arranged to spell: Arthur Fleck!

Johnnny’s Sixth Retrospective (Posts 500-600)

My second one hundred posts.

My 6th 100 posts. Now I can begin to build an even longer fence!

Since 600 is such a nice round number, it was decided to use the occasion of my 600th post to take a trip back down memory lane.

So, it’s time once again to look back on Johnnny’s last 100 posts on your FM Observer.

All posts are listed as clickable hyperlinks in chronological order. Enjoy!

500. Johnnny’s Fifth 100 Posts
501. Many college students admit to living off of Costco free samples
502. Moorhead couple spends Valentines evening together in jail after being arrested for disrespecting an officer
503. Fargo city leaders vote Yes to seek out Guatemalan sister city
504. Man dies when far-sighted reptile mistakes him for large rodent
505. ND lawmakers vote to cut their own pay and always wear jeans
506. Dr. Pepper advises all his patients to drink more soda pop
507. Jamba Joot to headline Fargo reggae fest
508. Elderly Fargo man will not pay his property taxes until diversion is done
509. Trump to introduce family’s new pet llama whose name is Dolly
510. Motivational speaker Marv Hoppler coming to Fargo for some accelerated sessions
511. FMObserver to purchase city of Fargo for undisclosed number of bitcoins
512. FMO’s Buddy Driscoll will be driving the #99 car in the Daytona 500 race
513. Fargo’s most famous poet tries to explain his ‘best works’
514. Hawaii votes to add another island named Zaui
515. Fargo witch heading to trial
516. Man-on-the-street checking the Zeitgeist
517. New Chinese poodle puppies come in variety of colours
518. Vasco Corporation now hiring part-time workers to test wetchops
519. Fargo’s plan to ban plastic bags irks some civil liberties groups
520. FM area to begin spraying for gadflies
521. Fargo downtowner arrested for repeated dawdlings
522. New Fargo donut shop specifically designed for people on drugs
523. Husband of peanut farmer’s wife driving her nuts
524. Gang signs causing fights between rival retirement homes
525. Fargo’s Dr. Hendassa calling it quits after 150 years of service
526. Jack Nicholson opening a bar in downtown Fargo
527. Local hospitals reporting increasing numbers of gogopox cases
528. FMObserver soon to open university dedicated to teaching fake news
529. Cancellation of UND women’s hockey was just a bad April Fool’s joke
530. New FM area golf course to cross interstate highway
531. Russians hack Krispy Kreme’s secret recipe
532. Fargo man demonstrates how to levitate using advanced meditation techniques
533. Playing slot machines good for health
534. FMO interviews United Airline’s CEO Oscar Munoz
535. Fargo bar fight begins after man asks another to borrow his toogit
536. FMO hiring day will be a week from next month
537. Man hit by train in stable condition while recovering at the morgue
538. Moorhead hoarder finds dead husband buried under tons of junk
539. Trump to use LGBTQ to make America great again
540. Fargo singing group to perform on Jimmy Fallon’s Tonight Show
541. In honor of humpday, Defense Dept introduces an old/new military weapon
542. FMO’s ABCs for living happily ever after
543. May is take your pet water skiing month
544. Fargo man suing hospital for mistakenly removing his novanoid
545. Rooftop dancing is the new downtown Fargo party craze
546. Groups of homeless living in trees east of Glyndon
547. Moorhead names itself the most scenic city in the Moorhead area
548. Military developing pink night-vision just for female fighters
549. Amsterdam Douglass donates priceless painting for Global Cooling fundraiser
550. North Dakota first state to make church attendance mandatory
551. Foolhardy Fargo men try operating a powerful magnetron outside its protective shielding
552. New MN state record set for smallest walleye ever caught
553. Golfer Ian Poultergeist somehow got trapped in a television set
554. Valuable items for sale at inflated prices
555. New Tiger Woods invitational golf tournament only for legally drunk players
556. Tiger Woods asking for help and understanding after admitting being wealthy ain’t easy
557. Elderly man dies peacefully at home after family tells him Trump was impeached
558. Volunteers sought for Deja-Vu clinical study
559. Anti-distracted driver movement gaining steam
560. New detention centers being built just for distracted drivers
561. Lottery winner on way to collect jackpot killed by distracted driver
562. Area drought being blamed on dry conditions and Global Drying
563. Twelve-year-old Kung-Fu brown-belt kicks crap out of would-be burglar
564. Fargo bocce ball tournament to raise money for its organizers
565. Montana earthquake either caused by Global Fracking or payback for Unabomber
566. 25 eating tips by FMObserver senior staff dietitian Angie Pitts
567. World famous jazz monkey set to wow Fargo jazz aficionados
568. Delaware has broken off from the United States
569. Fargo’s Dr. Svinkhaus believes that black holes matter
570. Storms completely wipe the town of Centralia ND off the map
571. Fargo realtor being sued for calling bedroom #1 the ‘master’ bedroom
572. Man mails himself to vacation destination in a cardboard box
573. Global Warming causing ice to become the new currency
574. West Fargo runners admit to drinking Mt. Dew before running 3-minute mile
575. West Fargo library being closed for displaying books
576. National coffee shortage causing companies to hoard ‘the fuel of business’
577. Solar eclipse cancelled as some find it to be offensive
578. President Trump to vacation in Fargo
579. Minnesota raising legal cigarette smoking age to fifty
580. Hurricane Limbaugh set to wreak havoc on liberal media
581. Man claims he simply forgot to get dressed after walking into his workplace naked
582. Todd Rundgren opens Moorhead concert with a prayer for President Trump
583. Man tries to rob convenience store for a pack of cigarettes using only a pillow
584. Unsportsmanlike conduct now a federal crime
585. Big Bird dead at the age of seventy
586. Superman Trump single-handedly saves Puerto Rico by tossing out paper towels
587. FMO hiring senior retro-tech position to service all our older equipment
588. Costumes and candy banned for Halloween in Fargo
589. Many apple pickers who choose to make apple wine end up getting quite drunk
590. Boys joining Girl Scouts just for the cookies
591. Fargo lobster bisque company goes belly-up due to lack of local lobsters
592. FMO recommends doing some pre-shoveling prior to any winter storm
593. Uncle Screwball warning trick-or-treaters to avoid scary clowns like him
594. Moorhead couple caught with 800 pounds of Qiameth worth an estimated $2.4 billion
595. New wonder drug called Blitzkrieg has some very serious side effects
596. Oprah’s much-anticipated holiday gift-giving guide
597. It’s no longer OK to say ‘OK’
598. Vikings place Sam Bradford on injured reserve and activate Debra Getty-Widder
599. Cat racing coming to Fargo

Local Restaurant Review By Nick And Johnnny

FMO Restaurant Review: Le Sous-Sol

FMO Restaurant Review: Le Sous-Sol

Fargone, ND – What follows is another in a special series of restaurant reviews of places in the F-M area, mmkay?

Johnnny: By the flip of a coin, we decided to check out a new basement restaurant in downtown Fargo called Le Sous-Sol (the basement). As soon as we stumbled into the place, we knew it was a huge mistake to come here.

Nick: Le Sous-Sol. Impossible to pronounce due to our total lack of immersion in French culture. You see, the French weren’t allowed to migrate here back when North Dakota became a state. That was one of the provisions of what they called The Great Nodak-French Embargo. This fortunate embargo treaty lasted until well into the 1970s. As a result, French culture effectively skipped a generation. Now, we have our first French restaurant and nobody can pronounce its frickin’ title.

Johnnny: I wanted us to have a window booth. Upon learning they had neither, we were offered a free glass of wine, which I initially declined since wine is something we only drink at church. The overall ambiance seemed fine except for the extremely bright lights which manifested some disturbing pictures of dead animals on the walls.

Nick: Normally, dead things are quaintly pleasing to my eye holes. But these dead things I found offensive. There’s just something genuinely irritating about a disemboweled platypus leering at you as you try to dine. I complained, then brushed it aside as our obviously French waiter called it “les tradition” to have graphic depictions of newly-murdered mammal species adorn dining room walls. Whatever!

Johnnny: For an appetizer, I ordered the butterflied platypus and the pickled beets. We tried to pay no attention to the arguing coming from the kitchen until it literally spilled out into the dining area. Since some of the other patrons were smoking cigars, we lit up as well while enjoying the altercation.

Our server, Jacqiuex

Our server, Jacquieaiux

Nick: The cook fight! I forgot all about that! By that late in the evening I was so utterly trounced on red wine I forgot a lot of things but I do know those two sous chefs really had a war for the ages. I can recall a multitude of French cuss words being hurled about, such as “manger de la merde” and “vous baise la chatte”.  There was sangria and bisque and creme brulee all over the walls, the floor. It was magical!

Johnnny: We ended up having a seemingly wonderful time in spite of the food fighting staff and the questionable service. We met some folks from Colorado there who said they have been frequenting this restaurant for years (even tho it just opened a month ago, so they obviously were from Colorado, doyaknowhatimsayn?)

Nick: Our waiter insisted we pay for our meal in francs as it is, again, “les tradition” to fund your host in his native form of currency as payment. I called bullshit, but he stood tall. He explained that as part of the Great Nodak-French Embargo, full-blooded French have been disallowed from handling American currency. This was “les stipulation” of ending the embargo, he said. Well, we didn’t have any francs so we ended up having to wash all the creme brulee and bisque and whatnot off the walls. Hard French labor to pay for our meal. Side note: I had the scallops á la provençale which was absolutely incredible. 10/10.

Johnnny: In summary, we would only recommend that you eat at Le Sous-Sol if you end up there by accident or by force. Yes, it is a restaurant that serves food, but because of all its hyper-quirkiness, we suggest that you instead go to the Grand Porks, which we previously reviewed for our most discerning readers who we know appreciate a good thing and who are starving for the latest information on what the hell’s happening in the greater Fargo-Moorhead area, mmkay?

FMO Restaurant Review: Grand Porks

caption here

This little piggy went to market.

Fargo, ND – Today we are reviewing a restaurant called Grand Porks. Porks is new to the Fargo area but, not surprisingly, originated in Grand Forks. Since we were both quite hungry, Nick and I decided to review this restaurant together. In order to not be recognized when we walked in, we chose to wear trench coats and aviator sunglasses for the duration of our visit.

John: After pulling into the parking lot of the Grand Porks restaurant, we parked with no problem, but valet parking would have been nice. We walked in separately so as to not cause suspicion that we were two people from a satirical news agency there to do a restaurant review. I asked for a booth in the back of the restaurant and Nick then cleverly asked for a table near the front.

Nick: Upon entering the establishment, we were immediately accosted by a gigantic man dressed in an inflatable pig costume. He blurted out through his bubbly pig helmet “Welcome to Grand Porks, thanks for PIGGING OUT with us!!” then handed us each a 10% off coupon. We were both taken aback by this but there was no time to react as we were being hastily ushered to our respective tables by the hostess. This experience was equal parts troubling and panic-inducing. ★★✩✩✩

John: En route to my back corner booth, I noticed an odd sign on the restroom door: “UniSex Bathroom. One Size Fits All.” In general, this restaurant seemed friendly, dark, and warm, which could have been because I was wearing sunglasses and a trench coat. As I sat down, the hostess handed me an attractive menu showing mostly pictures and prices. While she was filling my water glass, I asked for an appetizer recommendation to which she replied: “Why don’t you try the tickled pork belly nuggets-on-a-stick served with our famous porky jerk sauce?”, to which I replied: “Yes! Why don’t I?!”

Nick:  My waitress was an attentive 20-something from Granville, ND. A marketing major at NDSU. Although young, I could instantly tell she possessed a lifetime of experience. How did I make this conclusion so early on? Well, my first test for Grand Porks was to order a double-tall whiskey coke, no ice, no coke followed by the statement “I’ve had a rough day–time to get completely shitblasted!” just to see the server’s reaction. She handled my request with style and grace and without question. This is how I knew my dining experience would likely turn out to be a positive one. ★★★★★

John: My appetizer arrived as expected, and I attentively consumed it. T’was quite good. I ordered a different appetizer, and ate that too – also not bad. Then I ordered three random dinner entrees, since I was basically eating “for free”. They arrived. I ate them all. “What’s for dessert, I asked?” She replied: “How about a pork pound cake?” I ate that too. This is when I began watching the UniSex restroom door, for when there might be an upcoming vacancy, just in case anything I’d recently eaten didn’t fully agree with me, which it didn’t.

Nick: The dinner menu was, itself, a sight to behold. Who knew there could be such a plethora of pork permutations? I took the liberty of jotting down a few of my entrees:

  • Pork Tornado– An 8-inch fried corn tortilla shaped like a funnel, filled to the brim with carnitas, ham slop and bacon bits.
  • The Mighty Hambone– A completely un-butchered pig spine beer-battered with a 16-month old case of Michelob AmberBock®, then deep-fried.
  • Frizzle Fry Head Cheese– Head cheese as only Grand Porks can prepare it! Lightly tossed head marinated in a vegetable oil/olive oil/motor oil conglomeration, then broiled in a below-ground smoker amidst periodic sprinkles of hog sweat. Served with a side of aus jus.

Primus-Frizzle_FryI made no hesitation in ordering the Frizzle Fry, among many other entrees. It came, as requested, eyeballs intact and with visible canine incisors. It was an absolute delight. ★★★★★

John: I was feeling happily full to the gills, barely able to move toward the UniSex bathroom. While laying back in my rear corner booth, I could see Nick up front, obviously quite pork-drunk, sitting at a table near the entrance. He was trying to reach out and grab anyone who walked within six feet of his pork-covered table. It was at this moment that I knew this restaurant was a winner. During the last two hours, it had passed every test we threw at it. On a scale of 1-5, I’d have to give it 5 Pigs, which is what I told my server just before I started trying to explain to her that my meal was to be free because we were writing a serious restaurant review for a very prestigious local satirical fake news website.

Nick: Final numbers for our trip to Grand Porks:

Entrees devoured: 8.75

Double-tall drinks imbibed: 7.5

Hours spent: 4.25

Trips to the UniSex: 16

Verbal reprimands from Porks staff: 4

Dollars spent: $197

Likelihood of return: 9.4

Overall rating: ★★★★✩

FM Observer To Begin Series Of Area Restaurant Reviews

Would you like another free glass of wine before you look at our menu?

Would you like another free glass of wine before you look at our menu?

Fargo, ND – By popular demand, the FM Observer will soon begin a series of restaurant reviews of all your favorite (and non-favorite) eateries in the Fargo-Moorhead area.

Just as Fargo police drunk-driver checkpoints are unexpectedly random, so too will be our restaurant reviews.

To all F-M area restaurants, sooner or later, each one of you can expect a visit from one or more of our staff. We may not overtly identify who we are and what we’re up to. However, if we do identify ourselves, we will expect our entire meal to be free. Gratis. “On-the-house”. In either case, we will usually ask a series of questions throughout our stay and will want these questions answered immediately, such as: “What would you recommend?” We may ask for directions to the bathroom and then “accidentally” walk into the kitchen. We may order the pepper steak and send it back because it’s too peppery. Everything we do will be to thoroughly test every aspect of your establishment, from: friendliness, cleanliness, ambience, food quality and quantity, drink potency and potability, attention to details, to how you deal with problems.

To our readers: We vow to be completely unbiased and honest in our reporting, unlike the late, great Brian Williams. If you ever have any particular restaurants that you would like to suggest we critique, please do not hesitate to contact our Restaurant Review Department.

call of duty ghosts xbox 360

Call of Duty: Ghosts – Xbox 360 Review – It Sucks

call of duty ghosts xbox 360


Call of Duty: Ghosts was released for the Xbox 360 on November 5, 2013.  Let me start off by saying I have played all the Call of Duty games starting from Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare.  I’ve put a countless number of hours into them.  I think I was around 25 days playing time in Call of Duty 4.  I look back now and realize that that is a ridiculous amount of time to spend on a game however my playing time in Return to Castle Wolfenstein back in the year 2001 was probably higher.

Lets get to the review.

I bought Call of Duty: Ghosts on a whim.  After Black Ops 1 (second favorite call of duty) I started getting sick of the series and transferred over to Battlefield.  I bought Ghosts due to the fact that it would be released on the Xbox One as well.  I purchased the digital version which I now know was a big mistake because I would have sold my copy already to recoup some of the money I wasted on this giant turd.

Single Player

Can’t comment on that as I haven’t even played it yet.  My review is strictly based on multiplayer.



Boy oh boy how the mighty have fallen.  How a billion dollar company can produce such a turd of a game is pretty sad.  I popped in the game and went straight to multiplayer.  After five minutes I already hated the game.

It’s boring.

I don’t know how else to explain it.  It’s simply boring.  The textures are very very bland and uninspiring.  Players blend in with their environment so much you can’t see shit.  I went into a corner to lay down, regain my health, and re-load my gun.  A player literally went on top of me and laid down.  He didn’t even know I was there.  If he did then that dude was just a gay perv.

The spawning points suck so……so bad.  They have been getting worse in every game released since call of duty 4.  No longer are people able to hold down an area.  They will spawn behind you and it happens ALL…….THE…..TIME.  Kiss your kill streaks goodbye too.  They are worthless in this game.  Hardly anyone gets any good streaks going because you are too busy getting shot in the fucking back.

You die more easily in this game.  It’s like you are playing hardcore mode at all-times.  Takes one to two shots most of the time to down someone.  No more gun battles which is disappointing because that’s what I like about the Call of Duty series.  Whoever sees each other first will win.  Pew pew you’re dead.  Hit markers are not consistent either.

Quickscoping?  Oh yea.  It’s still here.


The whole menu and options are boring as hell to.  You don’t unlock weapons and items by completing challenges anymore.  You get tokens.  Yay!  You will earn tokens while playing and you use that to unlock weapons, perks, accessories etc etc.  You can customize your soldiers outfit somewhat but who cares.  BOOOOORRRRINNG.  I liked that you could design your own emblem in Black Ops.  There is non of that in this game.  No recording either.

It encourages camping and teabagging.  Yea…..teabagging.  Teabagging was cool, what, 15 years ago?  The maps are so damn big that the only way to get any kills is to camp.  You go anywhere out in the open and you’re usually dead immediately.  If they are trying to copy Battlefield then they should make an entirely different game because it just ain’t gonna work.

It’s boring.  Did I say that already?

The graphics are terrible on the Xbox 360.  However I’m sure they will be better on the Xbox One.  UAV’s are worthless.  You get a SatCom now.  WTF?  You deploy it.  Doesn’t do shit for anyone anymore.  Kill streaks suck but that doesn’t matter. You won’t get them anyways.

I tried to like this game.  I was searching for anything to justify my stupid purchase but it didn’t happen.  I’m up to about a day in playing time now but it doesn’t get any better.  You can tell right away in this game that they didn’t put much time and effort into it.  I feel ripped off.  How they don’t have a polished game after releasing 500 Call of Dutys is pretty pathetic.  The franchise is officially dead in my book.

This game is a total disaster.  Please, for the love of god don’t buy it.

Did I say it’s boring?

Time To Vote For the Worst In The FM Area

The worst of Fargo-Moorhead

The worst of Fargo-Moorhead

Fargo, ND – It is time once again to vote for the worst places in the Fargo-Moorhead area.

Our annual compilation of all the places you hate the most is about to begin.

Of course, we need your help in the form of votes.

There are many different categories to be decided, but remember that this is for the places that you think are the worst in each category.





Here are the categories for this year’s worst:

[form form-1]


Winners will be announced sometime in the distant future.