Tag Archives: shopping

Oprah’s Much-Anticipated Holiday Gift-Giving Guide

The Oprah reveals her recommended shopping list for your Christmas.

It is once again that lusciously delightful time of year when everyone waits to see what’s on The Oprah’s gift giving idea list for the upcoming holidays.

Every year The Oprah shares her wonderfully personal list of favorite things to get your loved ones for Christmas.

This year is no exception as The Oprah never disappoints!

Gift #1 – 200 pounds of fresh organic strawberries. ($950)

Gift #2 – Queen-sized sheepskin duvet cover. ($2,800)

Gift #3 – Diamond-encrusted dog brush. ($19,000)

Gift #4 – Gift pack of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. ($53,000)

Gift #5 – 100 shares of Amazon.com, Inc. NASDAQ:AMZN. ($111,160)

Gift #6 – New car: Bentley Mulsanne. ($335,000)

Gift #7 – A bottle of Tequila Ley 925. ($3.5 M)

Gift #8 – Lady Gaga concert with the Obamas. ($12 M)

Gift #9 – Private jet: Dassault Falcon 7X. ($35 M)

Gift #10 – The Shroud of Turin. (priceless)

An Online Christmas Card You Can Send To A Friend

Merry Christmas to whomever you are!

As we gather round the Christmas tree,
Which was chopped and flocked for you and me,
We nibble on some scones and sip Chablis,
While outside it’s a dangerous one degree.

All the nicely wrapped presents that we see,
Are a result of that black friday shopping spree.
Why get one when you can afford to buy three,
Of those red candles scented with potpourri?

Christmas is a fun time of family glee,
Enhanced on Facebook with hyperbole.
Rather than giving each person a new CD,
Tis way more awesome to get a real pony!

One might suggest getting some activity,
Perhaps head out and go cross country ski.
But most would likely have to agree,
They’d rather watch football on NBC.

Hatchimal Hoarders Selling This Year’s Hot Items Out Of Their Basement

These two brothers bought up all the Hatchimals in the Fargo-Moorhead area prior to Black Friday Matters.

These two brothers bought up all the Hatchimals in the greater Fargo-Moorhead area prior to Black Friday Matters.

Fargo, ND – The Good News is: There is no shortage of Hatchimals in the FM Observer area.

The Bad News is: If you want this year’s hottest Christmas item, you will have to pay a pretty penny to the two brothers who bought up all the Hatchimals that came into the Red River Valley.

Brothers Mario and Dario Jurkovich had the foresight to quickly buy up all the Hatchimals from all the stores in the Fargo-Moorhead area.

The Jurkovich brothers estimate that they have 3,500 Hatchimals currently in their basement.

This pair of Hatchimal Hoarders are now selling individual Hatchimals to desperate parents and grandparents for $500 each. :o)

However, their Black Friday Matters special is two Hatchimals for only $999!

To avoid long lines of people at their front door, wishful buyers must first call them and then follow a series of clues that will lead customers to a secret kiosk where Mario and Dario are selling their super supply of Hatchimals.

So, Happy Hanukkah Holiday Hatchimal Hoarder Hunting!

West Acres Mall Stolen By Man Dressed As Security Guard

Forensic photographers capture images of the crime scene where West Acres Mall was stolen.

Forensic photographers capture images of the crime scene where West Acres Mall was allegedly stolen.

Fargo, ND – The West Acres Mall was allegedly “stolen” during the night but investigators on the scene are still only using the phrase “temporarily missing”.

Unfortunately, police do not have the luxury of looking at any good security camera footage because that was also stolen, along with the entire mall.

By cleverly monitoring Facebook chatter, officials believe they are looking for a former mall security officer named S. Rae Hickok because of his claim on social media: “I just stole the West Acres Mall!”

Needless to say, West Acres Mall will be closed today and until this crime is solved.

In the meantime, if you have any information about this case or if you happen see the West Acres Mall somewhere, please call your local authorities immediately for a possible reward.

Wife Divorcing Husband For Christmas Shopping At A Strip Mall

caption here

Better think twice before shopping at a strip mall!

Fargo, ND – A Fargo woman is filing for divorce after finding out her husband was doing some “Christmas shopping” at a strip mall.

Maxine Garrison said she was driving by a local “strip mall” when she allegedly saw her husband walk into that strip mall. “I couldn’t believe my eyes. So I called my husband on his cell phone. When he said he was still at work, I knew something was up.”

Mr. Lewis T. Garrison later tried to explain in vain that he was just out doing some last minute Christmas shopping for his lovely wife and also wanted to pick out a nice card from the Hallmark store for his wife of 19 years. However, divorce papers have already been filed and the matter is now headed for the dreaded Divorce Court.

Maxine Garrison warns: “If husbands think it’s just OK to go spend time in some seedy strip mall, especially just before Christmas, then they damn well better be ready to lawyer up!”

Three Shoppers Killed During Cyber Monday Rush

Associated Press – The volatile shopping atmosphere of Thanksgiving weekend has taken its toll on those who risked life and limb to participate. Black Friday saw thousands of furiously aggressive maniacs take to the aisles for a deal on a Blu-Ray® player or a smartphone. Small Business Saturday invited those not crazy enough to wage war on Friday to a more generous, supportive shopping environment. Lazy Sunday served as an outlet for those of us too scared to get into a hair-pulling, tit-twisting Black Friday Sale catfight with a soccer mom, but also too lazy to try.

This left us with Cyber Monday. That magical day of the year in which you can rest comfortably on your ass while searching for reasonably-priced online deals. Sounds pretty safe, right? Wrong. Most of us do not realize how much more dangerous Cyber Monday is compared to the other three. Statistics show there are more Cyber Monday-related deaths than Black Friday, Small Business Saturday and Lazy Sunday COMBINED. This year is no different. Three shoppers lost their lives on Cyber Monday compared to only one consumer casualty during the previous 3 days:

  • Cindy Phillips sat playing Bejeweled for 4 straight hours on the morning of the 26th waiting for deals. She suffered an epileptic seizure from all the blinking lights, passsed out and hit her head on the computer desk. Died on impact.
  • Bob Randleman woke up late on Cyber Monday and had to make a mad dash to the computer room. He slipped on a Matchbox car and hit his head on the hardwood floor. Died on impact.
  • Judith McGee pointed, clicked and PayPal’d her way to victory, earning herself a very sought-after bedroom set. Upon winning said item, she jumped up out of pure ecstacy, fell backwards over her chair and hit her head on a step stool. Died on impact.

It’s tragedies like these that make shopping on Thanksgiving weekend a perilous venture. We wish the victims’ families our condolences during this very bizarre holiday season.