Tag Archives: storms

Tree Toppled By Storm’s Strong Winds Damages Home Which Owner Fixes Using Only Duct Tape

Once again, duct tape proves to be the only real thing you need to fix anything.

Fargo, ND – The home of Dr. Devito Petalcu was heavily damaged this past weekend when a hurricane-force gust knocked down a very large tree onto his family’s house.

Not wanting to wait for help to arrive, the Petalcu group quickly removed the monstrous tree and chopped it up into neatly stacked firewood for the winter.

Then, Devito resourcefully used many rolls of colorful duct tape to masterfully repair the damage so as to almost make their home better than new.

Expectedly, all of the letters in Devito Petalcu can be duct taped together to spell: I Love Duct Tape!

Storms Completely Wipe The Town Of Centralia, ND Off The Map

The quaint town of Centralia, ND is no more.

Centralia, North Dakota – Where there once stood a vibrant little North Dakota town called Centralia, there is now nothing.

“It’s like the town never even existed,” noted one stunned observer who drove by shortly after the storms evaporated.

National Weather Service data confirms that two very strong storms hit Centralia around suppertime but by bedtime there were no beds, no homes, no nothing.

The disappearance of Centralia is already being made into a movie. If you would like to be an extra in this movie, please show up at the former site of this lost town dressed as if you were a Centralian. Please bring your own lunch and water jug as the grocery store is also completely gone.

Super Fans Will Blow Storm Clouds Away

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Dr. Martin Zeeb proudly unveils his Super Fans.

Fanshawe, Oklahoma – The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) now possesses the capability of eliminating bad storm clouds.

A special team of scientists led by Dr. Martin Zeeb have finally perfected the means by which we can literally blow nasty clouds out of the sky.

Dr. Zeeb explains: “By using a series of massive high-tech fans, we can create a very focused wind vortex which will cause the dissipation of cloud formations.”

Testing went from computerized modeling to large indoor laboratories and finally culminated with full-scale outdoor trials.

Recent declassified test results show that these truck-mounted fans use space station technology to produce a maximal torque ratio not unlike a jet engine.

When no storm clouds are threatening, the fans can be rented to scare the living shit out of your friends while they unexpectedly sit comfortably in their tranquil homes.

How Schools Decide To Close During Weather Events

How Schools Decide To Close During Weather EventsA number of factors come into play when a school is deciding whether or not to close their doors due to weather events.


Below are some of the obvious factors:


– It is so cold that your balls shrivel all the way up into your scrotum so you no longer have balls and literally freak out wondering where your balls went.  No school for you.

– At least TWO of your children slip on the ice while going to school and suffer severe brain damage then school might be called off.  Remember it has to be at least two children.

– Zero visibility. It better look like Lindsay Lohan just sneezed on an 8-ball out there. Basically, if you can see two inches in front of you, get your ass to school and learn some french!

– If you don’t have at least two feet of snow in your driveway in the morning then school’s on, bitches.

– If the majority of every road is an ice rink, then school’s on.  Ice skate your ass to school, pussy.

-Are there polar bears roaming the streets? No matter. Ride one to class! But if you see Sasquatch, get the hell inside.

-Let’s say you walk outside and immediately seize up into a human icicle. That doesn’t mean you won’t thaw out after your mommy drags you to homeroom. Get moving.

-Your local liquor store must write you a typed long-form note explaining that they are out of Hot 100. That is one of very few viable excuses you can use to stay home.

-There is a Three Stooges marathon on cable.

-You are 99% completion on Grand Theft Auto. Understandable that you need that final mission badly.

-Your home is literally made of dirt and you bathe in a hollowed-out bison skull and burn buffalo chips for heat.



In a nutshell, if the National Guard isn’t called in, your ass is going to school in the Fargo-Moorhead area.