Tag Archives: strip mall

Shoplifter Sentenced To Twenty Years At The West Acres Mall

Just imagine having to spend 20 years in the West Acres Mall…without ever leaving!

Fargo, ND – A chronic shoplifter who recently was caught stealing twenty items from the West Acres Mall has been given an unusual sentence for her crime.

A creative judge has handed Hope Flirts a punishment of twenty consecutive years of confinement in the West Acres Mall.

Hope in her own words: “Well, what the hell? Quite frankly, I would rather spend twenty years in a normal prison than be stuck in the fricking West Acres Mall for twenty fracking years! Do you know what I’m saying?”

Ms. Flirts who is now 45 years old will not be allowed to physically leave the West Acres Mall until she is ready to retire at the ripe old age of 65.

If she is caught stealing just one item during the next 20 years, she will then be invited to finish out the remainder of her sentence at Alcatraz.

Ironically, all the letters in Hope Flirts can be re-arranged to spell: Shoplifter!

Mall Santa Resigns After Multiple Accusations Of Groping

Santa is asking his attorney: “Since when did groping become so politically incorrect?” Santa’s also wondering: “Why doesn’t anyone want to come near me?”

Fargo, ND – One of the real fake Santas at a well-known local Fargo shopping mall has resigned amid numerous accusations of groping any women within a “reasonable groping distance”.

Some disgusted mothers and dejected helper-elves have filed complaints to the North Pole that Santa has been groping some of these adult women during official mall photos, and even during some of Santa’s own selfies and elfies.

Renta Santa, the company from whence the mall allegedly hired this Santa, has denied any legal culpability but did say that this particular Santa had once been a Minnesota state senator who had left the arena of politics due to some “inappropriate sexual behavior”.

A linguistics expert that we consulted with said that the term “Mall” will soon no longer be politically correct because it is homonymistically so very similar to the word “Maul”.

Wife Divorcing Husband For Christmas Shopping At A Strip Mall

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Better think twice before shopping at a strip mall!

Fargo, ND – A Fargo woman is filing for divorce after finding out her husband was doing some “Christmas shopping” at a strip mall.

Maxine Garrison said she was driving by a local “strip mall” when she allegedly saw her husband walk into that strip mall. “I couldn’t believe my eyes. So I called my husband on his cell phone. When he said he was still at work, I knew something was up.”

Mr. Lewis T. Garrison later tried to explain in vain that he was just out doing some last minute Christmas shopping for his lovely wife and also wanted to pick out a nice card from the Hallmark store for his wife of 19 years. However, divorce papers have already been filed and the matter is now headed for the dreaded Divorce Court.

Maxine Garrison warns: “If husbands think it’s just OK to go spend time in some seedy strip mall, especially just before Christmas, then they damn well better be ready to lawyer up!”