The new “Super Bowl” toilet is being called American-sized for customers who might have a slight problem with obesity.
Flushing Meadows, NY – As millions of football fans watch Super Bowl 51, even more people will be tuning in to see the much-anticipated batch of advertisements during the game.
One ad that many will be watching for features the world’s largest toilet now available for public use.
It is simply called The Super Bowl.
This mammoth-sized toilet has been specially designed for large Americans who may be trying to qualify for the show The Biggest Loser.
Its associated plunger (which is included free of charge) is supposedly the size of a tractor hubcap.
The Super Bowl is intended for clients ranging in size from 600 to 2,600 pounds and is guaranteed not to crack under such extreme weights.
The Super Bowl Toilet Company kindly suggests using a common roll of paper towels as an adjunct to their fine product.
Who you going to call? ClogBusters!
Moorhead, MN – When renters Norm and Nikki Waite politely mentioned to their landlord that their sinks and toilets were all backed up, the responses they got were not what they expected.
Their landlord’s first response was to ask if they’d ever heard of a plunger?
After saying they’d tried that and it actually had made things worse, their landlord, Mr. Omar Assfaha, told them to “go buy a screwdriver and screw themselves” if they wanted the problem fixed so badly.
Rather than moving out, the Waites have decided to not pay rent until their problems have been fixed.
Until that happens, they’ve had a Potty Shack® portable toilet placed in their living room.
If you are having a similar such problem, please contact Ms. Shirley Wiggins, Director of our Class Action Lawsuit Department to discuss your options.
Fargo, ND – In the recent weeks, 6 teens have shown up in the Sanford hospitals emergency rooms completely high and buzzed out of their minds. One death is being reported as well. This has caused concern for the local public health officials who feel this could be the next dangerous trend.
The hospitalized teens have stated that all the kids in school are now toilet flushing to get high. What they do is put their head upside down into the toilet and keep flushing it a few times. The combination of holding your breath to keep from drowning and the blood rushing to your head from being upside down creates an intense high and head buzz.
We don’t know where these kids recently picked this up but we assume it could be from the old school bullying tactic called the “swirly.”
“All it takes for these kids is a toilet, a few flushes, and bam! They’re high!” said Molly, a poison control specialist at Sanford Health located in downtown Fargo.
Over the years teens have found creative and stupid ways of getting high. From drinking cough syrup in the 90’s, mouthwash, and Purple drank, officials want to make sure teens don’t add ‘Toilet Flushing’ to the list.
Parents should start putting locks and the toilets and tell their kids to poop outside. Keep that shit on lock down until this trend passes. It’s the only way to assure no more teens are hospitalized. We need to keep these stupid kids from removing themselves from the gene pool. Who else would we laugh at if they were gone?