Fargo, ND – The Red River Blood Bank is in dire need of hiring some experienced vampires to be staff phlebotomists and perform venipuncture to collect much-needed blood from client/victims.
During Helloween seasoning, the River Of Red Blood Bank sees a bloody uptick in the need for good blood due to a downtick in those who would voluntarily choose to donate their “liquid life force”.
Venipuncture experience is a +
Undead applicant vampires are being sought to work the graveyard shift, from midnight until dawn, with the monthly exception of full moon nights.
If you’re a well-dressed vampire who’s looking for a regular gig, and who can be counted on to show up for work, please contact Ms. Bella Lugosi at the Red River Red Blood Bank to set up an intravenous interview and a chance to show-off your venipuncture skill set.
Moorhead, MN – As I walked into the library, the cool air with a tint of old book smell hit my nose. It reminded me of my young days in elementary school. Looking around I could see piles of books stacked up around me. Some books look used and worn while other books looked lonely and unused. Walking towards the back I couldn’t stop thinking about the stories behind all these books. Where have they been? How have they been treated? As I was thinking I stumbled into a pale white figure hiding in the shadows.
Scared, I asked the sickly looking young adult if it needed help. “Help?” it asked. “I was going to ask YOU if you needed something. I’m the librarian.” Vampire boy has been a librarian for three years now. White, pale looking skin, and fake vampire teeth is not your stereotypical appearance of a librarian. He is not the only one. A new generation of 20-somethings are breaking the stereotypical librarian role. Vampires and wizards have been showing up in libraries across the US. Movie series such as Twilight and Harry Potter have spawned a generation of wannabe vampires and magic spewing young adults. Instead of nice quiet ladies with glasses, slightly greying hair, and a warming smile, we are now being greeted with black eyeliner, fake vampire teeth and pale skinned freaks. Wannabe wizards with fake capes and fake superpowers have also been spotted.
For Harry Potter (yes this was his real name), he thought about attending college after high school. Instead, he is a library assistant in Moorhead, MN.
“Initially I thought about studying quantum mechanics at Harvard but the library kept drawing me in. Where else could I get paid to study magical powers and spell casting? This, this is what brought me here.”
Last week a student came in and wanted to know how to cast a fire spell. Harry Potter knew exactly how to help him. Another young adult came in yesterday wondering how to drink blood. Vampire boy knew exactly how to help the lad.
In the end it comes down to customer service. What better way to provide customer service then to hire vampire boy and harry potter to help with your library needs.