Tag Archives: weather

Fargo Woman Named ‘Siri’ Gets Asked A Lot Of Questions

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Fargo resident Siri Kittlaus is a veritable magnet for questions throughout her day.

Fargo, ND – Siri Kittlaus, who’s been living in Fargo ever since she graduated from Concordia College, gets asked a lot of questions during a normal day.

Siri, who originally grew up in Sweden, explained to us that as soon as someone finds out her name, they usually ask her at least one question.

FMO: What are some of the most common questions that you’re asked?

Siri: Oh, it’s usually something like what’s the current weather in Denver, or how many grams in a cup of flour, and I can usually tell them the answers.

FMO: What are some frequent questions for which you don’t have the answers?

Siri: Oh, those would probably include 1. What is zero divided by zero? and 2. When will the world end?

FMO: How do you respond when someone asks if you have any good riddles or jokes?

Siri: Well, for those, I always carry around with me a small book of a thousand riddles and another with a thousand jokes.

FMO: Do you have any pets, and what’s your favorite color?

Siri: OK, I am now done answering your questions!

Weatherman Predicting Worst Winter Ever :(

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Compared to the worst winters ever, this coming winter will top the charts.

West Fargo, ND – The good news is that your FM Observer just hired one of the best weather forecasters in the business.

The bad news is that our very own Dr. Noblin Glasgow is predicting the worst winter ever for our North Central region of the country.

Unfortunately, what we are hearing from Dr. Glasgow is that this coming winter will far exceed any of the previous worst winters on record.

“I am very sorry to say that this winter will make the winters of 1888, 1920, 1941, 1966, and 1997 look like birthday parties at a country club,” explains Dr. Noblin Glasgow while smoking a cigar amongst his stacks of scientific data.

Obviously, in light of this unsettling information, locals are calmly advised to stock up on all the usuals: candles, shovels, Doritos, and beer.

Interestingly, all the letters in Noblin Glasgow can be blown around to spell: Global Snowing!

Fargo ND Being Used As Test Site By Algore For Global Warming

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Algore’s Climate Reality Project being tested in Fargo, North Dakota.

Fargo, ND – If you notice some major swings in temperature, humidity, and weather happenings around Fargo-Moorhead in the next few years, it will most likely be related to Algore.

His new Climate Reality Project is being tested in Fargo, North Dakota because of the “relatively sparse rural population” and its “geo-centrical location on our sick continent.”

Algore: “For all you folks up there in Fargo, North Dakota…so now, if you experience some major gyrations in temperature and weather in general, please report it to my Climate Reality Project team for documentational purposes.”

Previously, Algore used Denver, Colorado as an example of a larger metropolitan area where Algore personally got Denver’s average high temperature during the month of August up to a steamy 90°F.

FMO’s Insurance Desk Now Offering Weekend Insurance!

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FMO’s Weekend Insurance turns a bad weekend into a not-so-bad weekend :o)

Eastern West Fargo, Southeastern North Dakota – Yes folks, you read it right! FM Observer (which shall be referred to as FMO, or The Company) has now directed our FMO Insurance Desk to offer our readers Weekend Insurance!

For a limited time, and for a limited time only, the FMO Insurance Desk will take in larger amounts of premium from you every month, and then pay you much smaller amounts of money if and when the weather totally ruins your weekend!

To those of you smart ones who select the No-Bullshit Upgrade: “It’s such a pity when the weekend turns shity” but at least you’ll be marginally compensated for it…but only if you have: FMO Weekend Insurance!

Jandro Gladstone: “I am a true believer in FMO’s Weekend Insurance, and I really like their No-Bullshit Upgrade, which is only $10 more per month!“

So, just remember, if the weekend is a total loss (like this weekend), FMO’s Weekend Insurance might be just what you’re looking for…along with a free Bloody Mary to our first five customers!

FMO Insurance Desk’s Weekend Insurance: “When it rains, we’re your rainbow.” [Sorry, no pre-exisiting conditions allowed.]

Tie-Dyed Wind Chill Map Warms Hearts Of Former Hippies

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Tie-Dye Wind-Chills :o)

Grand Forks, ND – Some former hippies who now work for the National Weather Service believe one of their recent windchill maps hearkened back to tie-dyed shirts from days gone by.

Buzz Marley, assistant climatologist since 1970: “Wow, man. Like we got a lot of calls about this map, dude.”

Arlo Zappa, radar technician since Woodstock: “A lot of people really seemed to respond to the tie-dye nature of how we’re mapping the wind chill!”

Karma Krishna, chief meteorologist since the Grateful Dead died: “These tie-dye maps are really super cool, especially if you’re listening to music at the same time.”

Fargo Couple Plans Outdoor Wedding During Blizzard

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Blizzard Warning may be problematic for Fargo couple’s outdoor wedding.

Fargo, ND – Back on a beautiful day in September, during the initial planning phase of their rather large wedding ceremony, it seemed like such a great idea to have an outdoor wedding on the Thursday right after Christmas.

Even though some weather forecasters are now predicting two feet of snow along with gusts of 50 mph, Alvin Maja and Natali Karthika are still planning on going ahead with their outdoor wedding.

Some in their wedding party (and also many invited guests) are suggesting to the couple that they have a Plan B (which, in this case, could stand for Blizzard).

“Unfortunately, our Plan B is the same as our Plan A, so we are just hoping the weather clears up and is nice for us, to have our wedding outside, and that the musicians can play their instruments OK,” says the wedding couple, with their fingers crossed.

Winter Snow Predictions Now Called ‘Flake News’

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Big Foot seen here walking streets of Fargo during recent blizzard.

Fargo, ND – National weather experts will now be referring to any and all snowfall predictions in the future as Flake News in order to keep up with the changing times and tweets.

The most recent example of Flake News for our particular area is that a half a foot (known as a SmallFoot, as opposed to BigFoot) of snow, accompanied by near-hurricane force winds, has been ordered by Algore to hit North Dakota to help keep out the Riff-Raff here.

Consider the FM Observer your Flake News headquarters as we have many meteorologists on our growing staff that not only like to study meteors but also love predicting snowfall forecasts especially when it comes in the form of horizontally-blowing blizzard snowflakes.

We here at the FM Observer would also like to encourage our readers to be proactive and get outside to do some Pre-Shoveling ahead of any major Flake News.

Area Drought Being Blamed On Dry Conditions And ‘Global Drying’

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Experts agree that lack of rain causing drought.

West Fargo, ND – Our new staff droutologist Dr. Rod Guth has just issued his final report on the area drought.

Rod believes that short-term dry conditions coupled with the long-term Global Drying are the two main reasons for the “paucity of moisture” in the upper Midwest region.

Dr. Guth in his own words: “An earthly dearth of water seems to be because of dry conditions brought about by macro-desiccation from Global Drying.”

We asked Dr. Rod Guth: “Just how dry is it?“

It is so dry that fish are carrying canteens!
It is so dry that cows are giving evaporated milk!
It is so dry that watermelon are the size of baseballs!
It is so dry that they’ve had to close two lanes at the swimming pool!

Ironically, all the letters in Rod Guth can be rearranged to spell: Drought!

National Weatherman Walk-Out Threatens Nation

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Caption here,,,

Zer0% Chance Of Weather

Weatherly, Pennsylvania – Our nation now faces the threat of having no weather forecasting for the foreseeable future thanks to Meteorologist Union Of Brotherhood Workers #2127, who is threatening a strike at midnight Honolulu Time.

Just imagine turning on your local news and instead of seeing your usual weather forecasting, all you got was five minutes of a test pattern.

Sheila Quark barks: “I hate all those fu©kers.”

Charlie O’Jama grooves: “Hey now, what’s goin’ on??”

Do your due diligence and purchase an Emergency Weather Broadcast System for up-to-date weather information for your family and your home, compliments of Out Insurance, where: “We Care More About You, Than You Do!”

Painfully Normal Guy Discovered Living In Los Angeles

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THIS GUY is a Los Angeles resident

THIS GUY lives in L.A.

Los Angeles, CA—SoCal. L.A. Paradise City. The coolest city with the coolest people with the best weather. You gotta be a badass, actor, musician, beautiful person or an otherwise famous celebrity to live there…or so we thought.

The age-old stereotype that only cool people live in Los Angeles has been officially debunked. The Observer has learned that Alan Henley, a lame, has been living in SoCal his entire life.

Alan was born an only child to an accountant and a stay-at-home mother back in 1978. Ever since, he’s been an introverted, non-famous Average Joe. “I think i’m pretty normal,” Alan says. He works as a stockbroker at a brokerage firm in Santa Monica where he grew up. He plays World of Warcraft in his spare time. “I mean, i’m no Brad Pitt obviously, but…so what?”

The Observer suspects that Alan might not be the only rube hilariously coexisting within that sexy hotbed of entertainment and glamour.

A Los Angeles Elite could not be reached for comment.