Tag Archives: wheel of fortune

Future Teller “Precog” Coming To Fargo To Give Free Readings To FMO Readers

Precog exists in the present and future.

West Fargo, ND – A near and dear friend of your FM Observer is making a special trip to Fargo to do fortune tellings for our readers.

He simply goes by the name Precog because of his extraordinary abilities to pre-cogitate and pre-cognize future events and happenings.

Precog correctly predicted the bridge collapse in Minneapolis, the last dozen March Madness final four teams, the wild success of our FM Observer website, and that the Minnesota Vikings would never win a Super Bowl (until the year 2079).

Others have said that having a future-scope session with Precog is organically transformational and can actually awaken your inner consciousness like never before.

If you would like Precog to connect to your inner light, in order to feel your spiritual vibrations, and then explain what the game of life has in store for you, please sign up for our random drawing.

Each winning name selected will get a free session with Precog, which will immediately be followed by a hot-air balloon ride with Precog to any down-wind destination of your choice.

Vanna White And Pat Sajak Getting Divorced After Thirty Five Years

Nothing lasts forever.

Hollywood, CA – The stars of America’s favorite game show are finally getting divorced.

Pat Sajak and Vanna White have decided to call it quits after thirty five good years of marriage.

The final phrase on the Wheel Of Fortune prior to them announcing their divorce was “irreconcilable differences”.

In their split-up, attorneys say Vanna will get the the cruises and most of the consonants, while Pat will get the cars, all the vowels and the letter “X”.

Vanna White will get to keep all 6,500 of the dresses she’s worn on the show, and hopefully neither will land on “Bankrupt” anytime soon. 

Where Are They Now: Wheel of Fortune Big Winner Ken Noisewater

Fargo, ND – $25,000. Could that dollar amount change your life? I’m willing to bet it could (even after taxes). Kenneth Noisewater landed a shot at fortune and fame; the type that could only be earned along side big Pat Sajak. Ken went on Wheel of Fortune and hit the big time. Mild-mannered Ken, an accountant by day and a father by night, netted the biggest prize of them all (at the time). He pulled the $25,000 envelope and nailed his bonus round puzzle. Little did Ken know, this would be the beginning of the end.

After owning the bonus round, Ken embraced his family, pocketed his check and went on his way. He was feeling like a star. The trip home was filled with jubilation. The family was buzzing with ideas as to what they should do with the money, but Kenneth had his own plan forming. The money had already begun to change him.

Kenneth watched as Uncle Sam took his share of the coin, then a portion of his debt took some as well. He became angry. Extremely agitated. He wanted his bonus. After all, these were WINNINGS he pocketed, not a government grant! Kenneth went out. He told the Mrs he was headed out for a few minutes to “clear his head”. He actually ended up throat-deep in the biggest alcohol bender of his life.

Noisewater went and had himself a real screamer. Took the car to bar after bar, club after club that night. Got so damn drunk he called his boss and went off. Needless to say, he was fired. Then he called his wife and went off. She hung up on him, confused. Then he called 911 and went off…of a bridge into some very troubled water.

The police said it was a miracle Kenneth survived. The river cushioned the blow, they said. Would you believe it if I told you his wife left him? Well, she didn’t. He left her out of sheer embarrassment. One wretched evening of irresponsibility transformed Kenneth Noisewater into a living legend and a complete nobody in one fell swoop.

These days, Noisewater can be found sucking around downtown with the rest of the street urchins, mumbling incoherently to himself:

“I am a rugged being. The government is too big! Three more Presidents until ruination of society. Smart people will tell ya…money is an object! Where am I? Hello. Hello. Hi. Change??”

Truly a depressing end to an unlikely winner-turned-loser story. Let me be the first to warn you, R S T L N E, 3 more consonants and a vowel can easily spell D-I-S-A-S-T-E-R.