Moorhead, MN – The quiet little town of Moorhead will soon be anything but once the National Zombie Apocalypse Survival Conference comes to town.
What is the Zombie Apocalypse?
As it’s described in the Zombible, the Zombie Apocalypse is the undead uprising that will occur during the final destruction of the world. As you probably know, this time period will be dominated by the walking dead roaming the Earth in search of human flesh.
How do you survive a Zombie Apocalypse?
As is spelled out in the Zombie Apocalypse Survival Guide, every living person needs to have a Zombie Plan ready so you know what to do in case of a Zombie Outbreak. Having a wide variety of weapons is highly recommended, such as a zombat (preferably two, if you’re zombidextrous).
The National Zombie Apocalypse Survival Conference will teach attendees everything they need to know in order to survive a Zombie Attack. Conferees will be served a partially-cooked luncheon zomburger with red zomatos and a side fruit cup of juicy zomberries.
Robert Cummings (aka Rob Zombie) will of course be the conference’s keynote speaker and also provide some relaxing musical interludes.
Qiameth is a thousand times more powerful than meth, keeping users up for months instead of days.
Moorhead, MN – Police in the quirky town of Moorhead were very surprised to find 800 pounds of Qiameth in the trunk of a car that they found parked at a stop sign.
The Qiameth, which is known to be 1,000 times more powerful than regular meth, has an estimated street value of $2.4 Billion.
The driver and passenger, who both looked like zombies because they had not slept in months, admittedly said they thought it was OK to park at the stop sign but swore they did not have a clue as to how the $2.4 Billion worth of Qiameth got into their trunk, along with some used meth pipes and coloring books.
Moorhead police are calling this the largest drug bust in our nation’s history and are asking citizens to report any unusual behavior to the new hotline: 1-800-QIAMETH.
Everywhere, USA – Keep your face, keep your skin, we will fill you in on the most practical weapon against zombies. Zombies have been in the news lately (here and here) which is an obvious sign of a coming zombie apocalypse.
This is great news for a lot of us. We have been fans of zombies for years. Compiling zombie fighting weapons, playing zombie video games, and actually dressing up as a zombie and going on zombie bar crawls. We have been waiting impatiently for the time when we can actually kill waves of zombies in real life.
Now that the time has actually come, you need to be prepared. The most practical zombie fighting weapon is a SWORD. Why you ask? Because swords don’t run out of ammo dummy!
I personally recommend the Katana. A sharp Katana will have no problem what so ever dismembering waves of zombies. You could go on forever! How exciting!
Now, you can go out and buy any sword (MAKE SURE IT’S SHARP) but you need to be in shape in order to use the sword effectively. You don’t need a ton of skills either but it wouldn’t hurt to practice sword fighting skills.
If you follow the kid in the video below you will get in shape AND learn critical sword fighting skills.
Happy zombie training and fighting! Go get ’em tiger!!
**Watch for a follow up article on the Top 5 Must Have Zombie Weapons.**