Why It’s Ok To Drive A Minivan

June 5th, 2013 | by Cody Marthaller

Minivan FargoFargo, ND. – The stereotype of driving a mini van is still live and well in 2013.  Whether you’re a soccer mom or a father with multiple kids, people who see you driving the minivan know your dignity as been ripped from your soul.

ALL THIS…..NOT TRUE!  You know what?  Minivans rock and here are some reasons why.

Manual Doors Are For Pussies

Who wants manual doors in the year 2013?  The convenience of having automatic doors is second to none.  Less effort and it makes you feel like a king. Pfft…manual doors!  Whatever!  Make the minivan work for you not with you.

 

Can Haul Anything

A minivan is so spacious that it can literally haul anything.  Throw all your ugly stinky shit in the van for a weekend camping trip while hauling a boat!  Then take that ugly shit out after the automatic doors open up for you.  If you’re a serial killer, you could probably haul 15 bodies up in that thang.

 

Not Giving  A Shit

Nothing smells of a manly man like driving a minivan.  It shouts, “I literally don’t give a shit that I’m driving this minivan.”  Who doesn’t flock to that confidence?

 

Room To Go Out Drinking

All your friends are over and want to go out.  Problem is, they all have cars.  Not you.  You have a minivan because you’re awesome.  You can fit 7 people in there comfortably.  Your ‘uncool’ minivan suddenly became ‘cool’.  But you already knew you were cool……because you drive a kickass minivan.  A minivan with a sweet dvd player.

 

Not A Cop Magnet

Cops don’t look to pull minivans over.  Look around next time you see people stopped.  Is it ever a minivan?  No.  No it’s not.  Minivans usually contain more then one kid and kids carry cooties and sometimes smell of fecal matter.  Cops don’t want none of that.  They don’t want ANY of that.

 

Can Certainly Have Sex In A Minivan

This had to make the list because you certainly CAN have sex in a minivan.  It’s so roomy it’s possible.  Then later down the road you already have a minivan to haul your newly born kids around in.  The minivan you had sex in a year before.

 

Viva La Minivan!


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Cody Marthaller

I'm biologically human. Full-Time Superhero. Part-Time Human.