World’s 203rd Fastest Man To Speak At Fargo Track Meet

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Clarent Bippen, 203rd Fastest human on the planet. Kinda hard to track down someone this fast. William Stitt

Fargo, ND – The F-M Observer continues to bring you scrumptious news du jour. Today, we briefly chronicle a visit from of one of the top sprinters currently walking running the Earth. Clarent Bippen, the officially ranked 203rd Fastest Man On The Planet, will speak to a group of aspiring sprinters at this year’s Fargo Track Meet.

We tried to get Mr. 200, but he was busy giving a sprinting gait seminar in Kalamazoo, Michigan. 201 was competing in a 3-legged race with 202 and so oh, well, we’re stuck with 203.

Bippen will talk to runners about what it takes to be one of the almost best. What it means to be ranked fairly high and how he got there. He’ll wax ecstatic about the ins/outs forwards/backwards of running then wax poetic about cracking the top 300 fastest humans alive barrier. Then he’ll probably blather on about shoe tread and whatnot. “Keep it on the straight and narrow” he’ll probably say. *yawn*

Someday he aims to crack the top 200, perhaps even compete in a national tournament. But, until then, he’s going as fast as he can towards wherever there’s a finish line. Wherever the road race takes him. Wherever literally anyone asks him to come talk about running for a bit.

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Interstrapolating condectistic devariance via opentasmic protensive mindopathy.