In America, car breaks cow. In Soviet Russia, cow breaks your car and walks off like a boss.
Video was shot with a dash cam in Russia. As you can see, he crashes into two cows doing the dirty. Afterwords, the cow walks off like a boss.
DETROIT — A 41-year-old Columbus, Ohio, man is recovering after police say he ripped off part of his penis on a drug-fueled high in Ypsilanti Township, Mich.
Washtenaw County Sheriff’s deputies found the man naked and screaming after responding to a burglar alarm at Ypsilanti Middle School about 1 a.m. last Tuesday, Sgt. Geoff Fox said Monday.
The man was kneeling outside the school, bloody from the waist down, with parts of his genitals ripped off, Fox said. He said parts of the man’s body were transferred to the hospital with him.
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Gillette recently released an ad that they thought somehow didn’t look dirty at all. You may see the ad directly below.
We asked a few residents around town what their thoughts were after viewing the ad. Below are their responses.
“Is that Barack Obama raping another American? What are they doing to each other?”
“That dude is getting humped in the rump!”
“That guy in the black is going to slap the guy in the red in the butt while in the mud. That’s dirty!”
“That guy is totally getting raped in the butt.”
“Its baracka-back mountain.”
“Gooooo spank some butt on Gillette Mountain. In the mud and everywhere.”
“Smell nothing?”
“That certainly looks like butt sex.”
“The guy in black sure is giving everything he’s got!”
“That is gay porn right there.”
“Is he humping a guy stuck in the mud?”
“That’s gay.”
“He’s definitely smelling something.”
“Well, they are definitely having butt sex.”
“Poor guy is getting raped right in the butt in the mud there.”
“Well this certainly reminds of their old saying, ‘The best a man can get.’ Ads certainly have changed.”
Well I have to agree with everyone in their response. The guy certainly looks like he’s getting raped in the buttox. I’ll leave you with this to cleanse your mind.
West Fargo, ND – Eight year old William Yelverton just wanted to go to school to learn a whole bunch of knowledge earlier Wednesday morning, however, that was not the case. William was suspended and sent home.
William went to school like any other normal kid Wednesday morning. Smiling and full of sugar. However, William decided to wear a camouflage shirt to school that day and the administration didn’t take too kindly to it.
William was learning his states and flags when the intercom came on calling him into the principals office. He slowly walked down the halls and into the office wondering what the heck he did.
Turns out, Williams camouflage shirt got him into trouble.
“They saw my camouflage shirt and were instantly intimidated by me they told me.”
William thought he was being fashionable and wanted to impress the girl he had a crush on.
“They also said that it could be dangerous during recess as the other kids could possibly not see me due to me blending in with my surroundings.”
“We try and promote non-creativity here. As the years go on we implement more rules and regulations to limit what the kids can do. We’ve banned tag, basketball, football, well almost all sports actually. No more coloring either. We really try hard to teach these kids…..something…..ya know,” the principal stated.
William says he might come back next week as a Ninja. He stated that a Ninja can blend in with his surroundings better than a camouflage shirt, thus not getting him suspended again.
No time for a short intro! Let’s get to the food!
Yea baby!
Combine a McDouble and McChicken together into one. Feel those arteries clog. Often called the McGangBang.
Insructions: Buy a McDouble burger. Buy a McChicken burger. Take them both out of the wrapper. Insert McChicken into McDouble thus combining them into one burger. Stuff mouth.
Combining three cereals into one. For example: Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Corn Pops, and Frosted Flakes.
Insructions: Pour 1/3 Cinnamon Toast Crunch into large bowl. Pour 1/3 Corn Pops into bowl. Pour 1/3 Frosted Flakes into bowl. Put milk into bowl. Stuff mouth.
Lunch meat concoction.
Instructions: Get lunch meat and your favorite block of cheese. Cut slim slices of cheese and wrap around some lunch meat. Put wrapped lunch meat inbetween two pieces and toast. Throw on some hot sauce. Stuff mouth.
Macaroni Cheese Dish
Instructions: Make a batch of Macaroni and Cheese. Put finished Mac and Cheese into large bowl. Make a batch of chili and put some into bowl. Cut up a hot dog or two and mix into bowl. Add bacon bits into bowl. Throw in a little hot sauce. Stir. Stuff mouth.
Pretzel sticks and bbq sauce
Instructions: Get a big bag of pretzel sticks. Pour bottle of favoritae bbq sauce into small or very large bowl. Dip pretzels into favorite bbq sauce. Stuff mouth.
Spaghetti Pizza
Instructions: Take out left over pizza from fridge. Take out left over spaghetti from fridge. Put spaghetti on top of pizza. Heat in microwave. Or, you have the option to eat cold as well. Stuff mouth.
Pancakes full of stuff. How big is your plate?
Instructions: Make two full, thick, large, pancakes. Put pancakes onto plate. Add your favorite toppings such as m&m’s, cut up twix bar, cut up snickers bar. and top with a little syrup. Stuff mouth.
Classic potato chip sandwich
Instructions: Toast bread. Spread a generous amount of peanut better on one or both pieces of bread. Add a generous amount of potato chips inbetween bread. Add anything else you like such as pickles, honey, a cookie? Keep bag of chips to your side for easy access. Stuff mouth.
Snickers
Instructions: Eat one snickers bar. Eat second snickers bar. Eat third snickers bar. Stuff mouth. Wait…you already were.
Nacho Cheese Doritos and then add more cheese. One of Bills Favorite.
Instructions: Spread a generous amount of Doritos out onto a large plate. Sprinkle a generous amount of your favorite shredded cheese (sharp cheddar) on top of Doritos. Put into microwave for 15-20 seconds. Stuff mouth.
Powdered Jelly Donuts. Can’t eat just one.
Instructions: Go to your local donut shop and pick up a dozen powdered jelly donuts. Stuff mouth.
All of these foods are 100% accepted and fully endorsed by Bill Burns. Stay tuned for Part II.
Microsoft left E3 a little sore in the tushy area this past week. Their Xbox One reveal didn’t make many people happy. In fact it has now spawned a bunch of memes. Here are a collection of some of the memes currently out there at the moment.
Fargo, ND – North Dakota State University star linebacker Travis Beck has been all over the news lately. He recently had his aggravated assault charge dropped but a new video has surfaced.
Police have obtained the security bathroom video which shows Travis Beck before the alleged assault incident. The video depicts Travis Beck not washing his hands after going number two.
These new developments are astonishing because that means Travis Beck more then likely had poopy hands during the alleged assault/self defense incident. The other individual had no idea poopy hands were being used against him.
Travis Beck has been taken into custody again and will be charged with using poopy hands in a self defense situation. We will make sure to report these new police findings to all news stations and government agencies including the White House. Travis Beck deserves punishment for this.
Hopefully he learns to wash his hands properly before the NDSU Bison take the field. Nobody wants to play with poopy hand guy.
Fargo, ND – Bathroom sports are a daily thing and Jim Briton is the best of it all.
Years and years ago, Jim Briton was too young to play bathroom swords with all the other folks. But after growing up and practicing on his own on a daily basis, he is now the best bathroom swordsman in Fargo-Moorhead.
Being able to practice bathroom swordsmanship on my own all these years has really given me the advantage over the others as my mother would always clean up after me. Large sporting events bathrooms are the best place to show my skills. Many men want to challenge my piss swordfighting skills and I gladly take the challenge. They usually walk out of the bathroom battered and beaten I’m that good.
How did you get interested in bathroom swordfighting? “Well, I got bored just pissing straight into the toilet. I’m standing there holding my piss pump thinking there’s got to be more to it than this. That’s when I started challenging others around me to a swordfighting match.”
Since walking into bathrooms all over the city, Jim Briton’s career has soared. Everybody knows him. Everybody fears him. There is no bathroom swordsman Jim can’t handle.
Just last month Jim Briton beat over 100 men in bathroom swording and the numbers are rising.
I’m on a roll and nobody can stop me. It’s a great feeling. I’m continually improving my bathroom swordfighting skills and I feel confident I can walk into any bathroom and beat anyone I wish.
Jim Briton is sure to reach an all-american bathroom swordfighting status soon. Keep an eye out for Jim in the Fargo-Moorhead area. This local celebrity could be pissing right next to you.