Author Archives: Bill Burns

About Bill Burns

Bill grew up in one of the largest cities in the United States, Maza, North Dakota. Being a cow milker by trade, it was only after stroking thousands upon thousands of cow nipples was he able to save up enough money and move to Fargo, ND. It was here that he joined FM Observer. In his free time he enjoys carving rocking horses out of wood, healing the sick, and running marathons across oceans.

Happy CEO

CEO Has No Idea What He’s Talking About.

Happy CEOFargo, ND – John Lovit, a local CEO of a popular medium sized company is being accused of not knowing what the hell he is talking about.

John’s days consist of meetings and then some more meetings.  In between those meetings John says he promotes ‘synergy’.

“That’s right!  Synergy!” says John.

We spoke to John and asked him how he acts as CEO.

“I really like to train and guide my employees.  Let me tell ya, there are a lot of moving parts.  Going forward we got to fix the mouse trap.  The mouse trap is very important because in my past life, the mouse trap was a show stopper.  Very level set.  Anyways, back at the ranch, you know when the rubber hits the road, we got to scale these projects and increase the workload to promote more synergy. When you’re soaring with eagles and working with turkeys, things can get done.  This isn’t my first rodeo.”

“Yea like I said, to get my employees motivated, I leverage the paradigm because I believe it’s the best practice.  I read it in a manager book once.  To increase happiness and promote more self growth, I like to think outside the box, because it’s scalable and seems to be the best practice.  The solution is to make hay.  Take it to the next level.  Ya know?”

He continued on…..

“Looks like you’re giving 115% Bill.  For team building exercises, I like bleeding-edge stuff.  To expedite the game changer, we gotta drill down and eat the frog.  Quick wins while pushing the envelope.  It’s sustainable because it hits the sweet spot.  We all need to walk the walk and walk the talk.  That’s pretty much what I do everyday.”

Employees have complained to upper management stating that they cannot do their jobs correctly because they don’t exactly know what the CEO wants.

Mr. Lovit will still fulfill his responsibilities as CEO while his employees continue to be confused by him.

fargo police

Todd Fox Arrested For Evading Police Officers

fargo policeFargo, ND – Todd Fox who was just recently arrested for Flash-Frying Entire Cow, and before that, Arrested For Clearing Snow With Flamethrower, is in the news yet again.  This time for evading police officers.

Earlier this evening, Fargo police officer Eugene Stanley had Todd Fox pulled over for unpaid parking tickets.  Fifty-two to be exact as it’s apparent, Todd Fox does not care about parking tickets.

As Mr. Stanley was approaching the vehicle, he stated Todd Fox, “took off like Michael Schumacher in a Formula One Grand Prix.  I mean, he hit the pedal hard.”

Mr. Stanley got in his vehicle and pursued Fox all over downtown Fargo.  Speeds are said to have reached 35 miles an hour.

“He just kept driving like we were not even there.  Blatantly ignoring us pretty much.  He even waved at a few bicyclists.”

Todd Fox was able to evade police temporarily as you can see in the video below.  The pursuit was caught on a security camera which was positioned on the side of a building downtown.

Todd Fox police pursuit

Fox was finally arrested later in the day and stated he was simply, “on my way to pay my parking tickets.”

ufc fight night 44

Fox News Reporter Asks MMA Fighter Some Odd Questions

ufc fight night 44
San Antonio, TX – UFC Fight Night 44 is in the books.  It was a decent event with good matches.  After the main match between Cub Swanson and Jeremy Stephens, UFC reporter Heidi had a chance to speak with the loser, Jeremy Stephens.  Here are some of her rather odd questions.


“How did it feel when you got hit in the face repeatedly?”

“Does it hurt to get kneed in the stomach?”

“What could you have done to get hit less?”

“That very large bump on your face, is it uncomfortable?”

“You got kicked in the leg a bunch of times, why?”

Was it the punch straight to the nose or the liver that hurt the worst?

Why are you crying?

You are sweating.  Was it a hard match?

Why didn’t you just get up at the end of the match there? Were you hurt?


Without these hard hitting questions there is no way of getting to know what it’s actually like being a ufc fighter.  We are glad this reporter asked the most important question in order to get a better understanding of the sport.


Lupe Fiasco Next To It

Terrible Song Lyrics of The Week – Lupe Fiasco ft. Ty Dolla $ign – (Next To It)

Lupe Fiasco Next To ItFirst of all, that’s not a glitch in your web browser title.  That’s just how original mr. dolla sign is.  Replacing the S with a $ symbol.  So very clever.  Never seen that before.

Alright, now to the terrible song lyrics of the week.  These lyrics belong to the great Lupe Fiasco and features another great genius, Ty Dolla $ign.  Remember it’s Sign with the $.  Watch out when these two get together.

This one is simple.  I’m going to post the song lyrics and then at the end I’m going to reveal to you how many times Mr. Fiasco used the words “Next To It“.  Ready?  You are free to count along with us.

[Produced by Ty Dolla $ign and Shafiq Husayn]

[Intro: Lupe Fiasco]
Next to it, do it, do it, do it, do it
Next to it, do it, do it , do it, do it

[Verse 1: Lupe Fiasco]
Money ain’t shit when there’s wealth next to it
Wealth ain’t shit when there’s health next to it
In the lane with nobody else next to it
Ain’t get here by myself, lot of help next to it
Word to chilly chill, that’s myself let’s do it
1st and 15 ent, FNF music
Album number 5, aye nigga, let’s do it
Don’t say my name, unless my city next to it
Anything look good with a titty next to it
And if the titty got a face that’s pretty next to it
Riding around town something really exclusive
Bump a little Pac with some Biggie next to it
Nigga that’s love with a twist next to it
Nigga that’s a blood with a crip next to it
At the Bulls game, like a tree — gift next to it
Yes, nigga that’s the floor and I sit next to it

[Hook: Ty Dolla $ign]
Everybody look better with a bitch, next to it
Rollie on a wrist lets do it
Top down on a whip that’s roofless
Ain’t impressed, it’s the bitch that do it, Let’s do it
Club ain’t turned ‘less some bitches into it
It’s the bitch that do it

[Verse 2: Lupe Fiasco]
Crib ain’t shit unless a whip next to it
Whip ain’t shit unless Benz next to it
But a Benz ain’t shit when a Rari next to it
Rari ain’t shit when a Zonda next to it
Really tell a difference when a Honda next to it
But a Honda is the shit when you jogging next to it
‘Cause this a baby momma with a condom next to it
‘Cause this a miracle I’m still rockin’ let’s do it
Still need a comma with a zero next to it
Then another comma with a zero next to it
Then a zero next to it and a zero next to it
Then another fuckin’ comma then a zero next to it
Nigga, what we talkin’ that’s a million, let’s do it
Nigga, What we talkin’ that’s a million, let’s do it
Still at the bottom with a million next to it
‘Cause a million ain’t shit with a billion next to it
A billion ain’t shit when a trillion next to it
Captain save a ho she want a hero next to it
But I ain’t tryna hear it, put my ear up next to it
Cause it’s kinda strange got a wierdo next to it
Nigga, your wallet got a robber next to it
Black ski mask with a chopper next to it
You might need a bed with a doctor next to it
But nigga I ball like soccer next to it
Let’s do it

[Hook: Ty Dolla $ign]

[Verse 3: Lupe Fiasco]
Nigga my hood feel like heaven
With third worlds next to it
But nigga we good but we’ll be even better
With thirty girls next to us
Yeah, the White House had a trap next to it
Yeah nigga that’s a fact next to it
My house had a trap next to it
Ay nigga where’s the house, let’s do it
Your chest ain’t shit unless a chain next to it
Chain ain’t shit unless gold next to it
Gold ain’t shit when a diamond next to it
Your beat ain’t shit unless I’m rhyming next to it
(Huh, huh) Shinning next to it
Shit ain’t real can’t find her next to it
Nigga let’s park it on the red carpet
Grammy Awards my momma next to it

[Hook: Ty Dolla $ign]


What did you get?

Let me know because I LOST COUNT!!!!



You can listen to the entire song below.


By the way, I counted 46 times and I don’t care to confirm.  All I know is it’s 46 times too many.