Local

Student Annoys Class with Runny Nose

Roseville, MN — Students of Gretta Jurcak’s sixth period math class exchanged eye-rolls as classmate Andy Struum sniffled his runny nose for nearly an hour. Struum’s snorting began midway through third period...

Fargo Man Blissfully Unaware of Terrorist Group Known As ISIS

Fargo, ND—A local man is completely oblivious to the existence of the Islamist State of Iraq and Syria, more commonly known by news media consumers as “ISIS”. “The progressive-metal band? They wrote a few...

Ghost Convention To Be Held In Fargo, North Dakota

Fargo, ND – Living organizers of the International Ghost Convention have just announced that the next International Ghost Convention will be held in Fargo, North Dakota on Monday night, October 31st, or as most spiritual...

Bags Of Money Hidden All Over The FM Area

Fargo, ND – Have you ever dreamt of finding a bag full of money? Could you and your family use some extra cash before the holiday season rolls around? Do you like searching for hidden treasures? An unnamed benefactor who...

Fargo Leaders Considering Allowing Chicken Fighting

Fargo, ND – City Commissioners will soon be deciding whether or not to allow chicken fighting within city limits. A number of residents have been pushing for the legalization of chicken fighting. They contend that...

Fargo College Game Day Crowd Swells To A Million

Fargo, ND – ESPN’s College Game Day program was expected to attract a large crowd but nobody knew exactly how large it would be. One policeman said: “I think everyone from the state of North Dakota is here! And...

Corrections

This morning, an article about Ray and Janay Rice filing a civil lawsuit against the Atlantic City casino elevator manufacturer did not get published due to it being a complete and utter waste of cyberspace. We apologize in...

Red River Zoo Soon Adding One Large Triceratops

Fargo, ND – In case you hadn’t heard, part of Jurassic Park will soon be coming to the Fargo Red River Zoo! Because of the wide variety of extreme weather conditions in this region, the Fargo Zoo has been chosen to be...

“Creepiest Adult Ever” Award Given To Leering Gym Instructor

West Fargo, ND—With just a week of classes in the books, West Fargo High School students have already begun recognizing their staff. According to an online poll compiled by a number of Instagram users, school gym teacher...

Moorhead Family Found Living In A Pumpkin

Moorhead, MN – It was recently discovered by the Moorhead Housing Authority that at least one Moorhead family has been living in a large pumpkin for months. Margaret Butts, chairman of the MHA, stated: “T’was a...