National

Republican National Committee Considering Cormorant Mayor As Presidential Nominee

Washington, DC – After a very tumultuous couple weeks, the Republican National Committee is flailing. The Donald has finally boasted himself out of public favor (for the most part–but some still want to Make America...

Republican National Committee To Replace Donald Trump With Broomstick

Washington, DC – At this hour, the Republican backpedal is spinning at over 6 million revolutions per second as the GOP scrambles to find a replacement for noted gropesmith Donald Trump.  Reince Preibus was forced to...

E Corp Chief Technology Officer Warns Of Possible Hack

New York, NY – In a coded briefing released at 12:34:56 PM yesterday, Terry Colby, the Chief Technology Officer of banking conglomerate E Corp, warned of another potential hack aimed at their users’ personal data....

Skittles Founder Responds To Newest Trump Campaign Metaphor

Skittletopia, West Virginia – The founding father of one of America’s favorite candies has taken offense to this new Trump campaign musing: Shortly after Donald Trump, Jr tweeted that photo, Skittles pioneer Phictor...

Ryan Lochte Found Hiding In Swimming Pool

Rochester, NY – Amidst controversy over statements made to A Polícia Brasileira, Ryan Lochte had been sought for questioning until today. With help, A Polícia Brasileira have located Lochte hiding in his favorite...

Scientists Warn: Sugarloaf Mountain Fermenting In Polluted Rio de Janeiro Bay

Rio de Janeiro, Brazil – Water pollution isn’t the only thing tainting the enchanting landscape of Rio de Janeiro, home of the 2016 Summer Olympics. Scientists now warn that the polluted Guanabara Bay in Rio is...

Hackers Change Pokemon Go Animals Into Satanic Demons

Fargo, ND – A small number of Android users have become affected by a nefarious hack into the newly-famous Pokemon Go mobile game interface. Certain pokehunters are now encountering demonic hellspawn where cute and...

FM Observer Secures Naming Rights To Hazeltine National Golf Course Outhouses

Chaska, MN—Brands®. You can’t escape them. Nowadays, it matters where your Brand™ is and how your Brand© looks. The more places your Brand° can exist, the better. Almost every pro sport has caught on to this trend....

Puppy Monkey Baby Placed On Endangered Species List

  Another unfortunate living organism has found its way onto the World Wildlife Fund’s endangered species list. Canis Homo Chimpus, or Puppy Monkey Baby as it is more affectionately known, has been given a...

Obama Threatens To Block Senate’s Block Of Supreme Court Justice Nominee

Washington, DC – President Obama has vowed to find a qualified candidate to nominate for Supreme Court Justice. The speculation is that that candidate will be anti-anti-liberal. This does not sit well with the...