National

FDA Approves Ebola Vaccine Drink: Coca-Bola

Washington, D.C. – Amidst a rising tide of panic over the deadly ebola virus threat, the FDA has fast-tracked an experimental vaccine drink for mass public consumption. Coca-Bola, which promises instant immunity against the...

Weeping Christ Statue Feared To Have Ebola Virus

Milaria, Italy—As the ebola pandemic continues to build steam, countries across the globe are showing concern. The Observer has learned that a recent discovery of a weeping-blood statue of Jesus is feared to contain the deadly...

New Green Shoes Designed To Lessen Carbon Footprints

Greenspring, PA – The Federal Government, secretly working in conjunction with Algore, has designed a new Green Shoe to help lessen each person’s carbon footprints. Here are some important facts you need to know about...

Civilian Trumpet Militia Groups Now Forming In Your Area

Anytown, USA – An exciting new grass-roots organization is now starting new chapters in your area. The Civilian Trumpet Militia is being formed in all 57 states of the USA. If you have ever played a trumpet which might be...

How To Prepare For The Coming Ebola Pandemic

Eboli, Italy – The World Health Organization and the Center for Disease Control are suggesting that now is the time to prepare for the next coming global pandemic from the Ebola Virus Disease. Dr. Klaus Sphinxter says:...

Star Trek Captain Janeway Wearing Prison Orange For Being Romulan Spy

Enterprise, Alabama – USS Enterprise Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Star Trek Federation has been convicted of being a Romulan spy. It turns out that her actual (Romulan) name is Galina “Red” Reznikov. Ms....

Feral Rabbits Being Readied To Secure Southern Border

Rabbit, Texas – The president has announced executive orders which will result in special teams of feral rabbits soon being dispatched to the southern U.S. border. This will be part of an overall coordinated federal ground...

Stab Yourself In The Leg to Raise Awareness For RLS

Fargo, ND – We all know someone who’s afflicted with RLS. That’s right: Restless Leg Syndrome. This crippling, unfortunate illness affects millions of Americans worldwide. To raise awareness for this common...

Nonviolent Protests Spread To Ferguson Iowa, Kentucky, North Carolina

Ferguson, IA/KY/NC—Amidst the ongoing protests in Ferguson, Missouri, local residents in remaining Fergusons across the nation have caught wind of their fellow Ferguson’s defiance and are taking action. Non-white...

Swimmer Spotted Running On Water After Shark Sighting

Miami, FL – A swimmer got quite a scare yesterday afternon.  So scared that he did the impossible, ran on water. Jason Hutson was swimming off the beach in Miami when he felt something hit his left ankle. That’s when...