Category Archives: Strange But True

Many Towns & Cities Are Being Taken Over By Dogs

caption here

Where you stand depends on where you sit.

Dogwood, TX – In what some are seeing as a new national trend, the official new mayor of Dogwood, Texas is…a DOG! As they say, every dog has its day, and in this case, Baxter is his name and politics is his game.

All of his mayoral opponents described Baxter as pugnacious and doggedly optimistic. Others just call him one lucky dog since he seemed to be the clear underdog from the start of the race.

As a former shitty commissioner and having been very instrumental in getting the new Canine Voter Rights Legislation passed in the town of Dogwood, Baxter capitalized by capturing almost all of the doggy vote. Surprisingly, exit polling showed that most of the non-canine voters also preferred Baxter for Alpha-Mayor. “My wife and I both thought Baxter to be well-spoken and up on all the issues that were important to us” admitted Clarence Longhorn, who lives in Dogwood and who voted for the new Mutt-in-Chief.

Baxter, who once described attack-dog politics as a “dog eat dog world”, vowed to try and put an end to any canine cannibalism, which he says has been a real bone of contention in Texas. He will also work like a dog to help improve living conditions of all animals and humans living in Dogwood.

One of the first things Baxter did after taking office was to abolish the dogcatcher position and shut down the Dogwood Dog Pound, two of his carefully crafted campaign promises. He then ordered all fire hydrants to be freshly repainted.

Baxter, a pug from birth, is married to his lovely pug bitch, Miss Wendy. She describes Bax as a loveable little puppy dog underneath his outward alpha-male exterior. Miss Wendy intimates that “his bark is worse than his bite” even though they do have a “Beware of Dog” sign on their mayoral dog house.

Yawl are invited to join Baxter and his lovely bitch for a Meat & Greet at what is being called his Bark Mitzvah. One of his senior staffers says to expect “a grand Gala event complete with a variety of expensive doggy treats, and entertainment galore including Baxter’s favorite songs, “Black Dog” by Leash Zeppelin and “You Ain’t Nuttin But A Pug Dog” by Elvis Pugsley.

Baxter has some good advice for other canine mayoral candidates across the country:
1. Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.
2. Show that old dogs CAN learn new tricks.
3. Make sure you’re barking up the right tree.
4. Advertise your campaign on all restaurant doggy bags.
5. Have a clearly defined dogma explaining what you stand for, what you’ll sit for, and what you’ll lie down for.

Church Bazaar Selling Some Bizarre Items

caption here

Bizarre items selling at Bazaar.

Fargo, ND – It’s that bizarre time of year again when many local churches have their church bazaars to raise money for various church programs.

For a very reasonable price, one can usually purchase wonderful home-made baked goods and hand-made craft items which represent the regional culture.

The FM Observer has learned that one local church is selling some rather unusual items this year.

The Second Lutheran Church has put together a rather motley collection of bizzär items (to say the least).

“How bizzär?” you might ask. Well, just take a goosey gander at the list for yourself:


  • Inflatable Meatloaf in-a-can
  • Norwegian Lutefisk on-a-stick
  • Mabel’s “Ass-Blaster” hot sauce
  • Grandma’s home-made Gravy Candy
  • Individually wrapped pieces of “Magic” Cake
  • Recipe Book of 1,001 Casseroles & Hotdishes
  • Dehydrated Octopus Jerky (just add salted water)
  • Raw fish Sushi Sandwiches deep-fried in cod liver oil
  • Microwaved Philly Steak & Cheese Hot Pockets served in waffle cones


  • Autographed copies of Big Bird’s Memoirs
  • Partially-used prescription medications
  • Fargo Farce hockey jerseys
  • MouseTrap Cheese Boards
  • Hand-shaped Hand Soaps
  • MouseTrap Mouse Pads
  • 3-packs of Spatulas
  • Mesh Umbrellas
  • Mystery Boxes
  • Grab Bags


  • Musical Jesus Wallet
  • Left-over Communion Wine
  • Autographed pictures of Jesus
  • Burnt toast with image of Jesus
  • Raffle chances to give a Sunday Sermon
  • Book of Black Magic Spells & Incantations
  • Raffle for two pairs of one-way tickets to Heaven
  • Rosary Beads & Necklaces made by Seasoned Citizens

No-Driver Taxis To Be Tested In Fargo-Moorhead

caption here

Just imagine riding in a taxi that has no driver.

Fargo, ND – The Fargo-Moorhead area has been selected to be the main testing zone for some new No-Driver Taxis.

Driverless electric taxis were the brainchild of Jensen Torath of Stockton, California. Mr. Torath’s new No-Driver Taxis will soon be driving themselves around the Fargo-Moorhead area, hopefully taking people quickly and safely to their intended destinations.

The president of Torath Taxi Corporation says that his PRTs (Personal Rapid Transit vehicles) are precisely guided by the latest in GPS technology which works in conjunction with Google Maps. Mr. Torath tells folks to think of his No-Driver Taxis as “intelligent robots on wheels”.

This driverless taxi technology was first tested in the United Kingdom where all “the bugs” were gradually worked out. Now, they are coming back to the United States and Fargo-Moorhead is the lucky test area.

How exactly will it work, you ask? Once a Ride Request is put into the system from a person’s smart-phone, one of the driverless vehicles will swing by to pick up any waiting passengers, and then transport them to their exact destination coordinates.

How safe are they, you might wonder? “They are safe. They are very, very safe!” says Penny Nickels, the Safety Spokeswoman for Torath Taxi Corp. “We jokingly like to say that these new automated taxis are certainly safer than riding in a demolition derby with a drunk texting driver at the wheel. While their top speed is 60 feet per second, they certainly are fast enough to safely get out of the way of an on-coming freight train.”

If you and a few of your party people friends are out drinking some evening and would like a fun and free ride in a No-Driver Taxi, simply twitter a tweet to #HeadlessHorseman using your smart-phone. Then just wait a minute or two for one of the No-Driver Taxis to pick you up. Oh, and remember to fasten your safety harness in case there are any unexpected sudden starts or stops!

Tear Duct Implants Gaining Popularity in Washington

caption here

Tears beginning to flow in Washington.

Washington, D.C. – A new cosmetic surgery trend is sweeping the nation’s capital. Tear duct implants, also known as “Sad Sacs”, are becoming increasingly popular among politicians whose inability to connect with their constituents has left them with few other options. The implants, which are surgically inserted into the lower eyelid, draw liquid from the body and store it in small sacs. The liquid can then be released on cue by activating the “Cry Button”, a wireless device that is carried by the user.

According to Dr. Hope Leslie, M.D., “Getting misty-eyed is something that happens naturally for most of us when we feel strong emotions. The problem for the majority of elected officials is that they are complete sociopaths, utterly incapable of human empathy. This leaves them at a real disadvantage when it comes to relating to others. Sad Sacs give these politicians the ability to at least appear like they can understand someone else’s suffering. Quite honestly, it’s the closest thing to compassion we’re ever going to see in Washington.”

“I just plain do not care about people, and that’s been a challenge for my campaign,” admitted one Senator who asked to remain anonymous. “I mean, I’ve literally laughed in some of my voters’ faces when they’ve told me how hard their lives are. Now I can turn on the waterworks and by God, it seems like I actually give a damn. These Sad Sacs are just unbelievable.”

Despite their effectiveness, developers admit there are still a few glitches with the implants. “Generally, the problems have been behavior-related,” explained Dr. Leslie. “Things like Congressmen pumping their Cry Buttons too fast in order to squirt others in the face, or the Vice President stealing the Speaker’s wireless device. We’re looking at requiring some maturity training classes, and beefing up security features. All in all, though, demand for the procedure is through the roof. We’re confident that, at least on Capitol Hill, Sad Sacs are here to stay.”

These Are The Wasps That Killed The FM Observer

Bee on the lookout for these dangerous wasps, because they're the ones that killed us.

Bee on the lookout for these dangerous wasps, because they’re the ones that killed us.

West Fargo, ND – As you know, your beloved FM Observer was allegedly attacked by a gang of wasps. Not only did they attack us, but they stung us many, many times, and then they killed us.

We did not want this to happen. Nor did we provoke the wasps in any way, except maybe to smash their stupid hive with a wooden baseball bat.

Bee that as it may, we did not deserve to die, and especially just when things were starting to really take off. But please do continue to check in with the FM Observer, your favorite source of the best fake news in the region.

After all, the phoenix did rise from the ashes to become the mascot for the Phoenix Suns basketball team, didn’t she? Tiger Woods did return to golf after he totally disgraced both himself and the entire sport of golf.

And after a rocky beginning, Obamacare did successfully cause millions of people to lose the insurance plans and doctors they loved, and then, under threat of penalty, force them to purchase nationalized health insurance.

So, after the stroke of midnight tonight, hope for the best (for us), but plan to expect some government robo-writers to have taken our place in the morning.

New Luxury Apartment Complex Resembles Stairs

New modern apartment complex built to resemble a flight of stairs.

Modern new apartment complex in Dubai built to resemble an actual flight of stairs.

Dubai, United Arab Emirates – In the city where architectural rules are regularly being broken and rewritten, Dubai has now introduced yet another new trick.

Luxury apartments known as the “Stairway To Heaven” are now being built in a tiered-fashion to look just like a flight of stairs.

The architect who first came up with the idea is Shimo Zukushichi, the head of Zukushichi Architectural Productions (ZAP).

Shimo says the idea zapped him while he was walking up a flight of stairs in a New York hospital during one of his many recent detox sessions.

During a special moment, Shimo asked himself: “What if we built luxury living spaces like steps, where one person’s large patio deckage was another person’s roof?”

Inside view of the "Stairway To Heaven".

Inside view of the “Stairway To Heaven”.

President of Interiors By Dame, Dame Chambers, says: “The interiors are absolutely exquisite–very Trumpesque. Plus, each patio area can double as a helipad for easy walk-in access to your ‘Step’. Shimo and his people at ZAP should be very proud of themselves.”

Shimo says the price-point for the “Stairway To Heaven” Steps will be in the $20-$25 million range. After the “Stairway To Heaven” project has been completed, Zukushichi Architectural Productions is planning future projects that looks like a coffee table, a chair, and a pizza.

Billy Bob Thornton Buys Haunted House Near Fargo, ND

Billy Bob has found his new haunt.

Billy Bob finds a new haunt.

Moorhead, MN – Billy Bob Thornton said it was “destiny” when he came across an article describing a haunted house for sale in Moorhead, MN, located just across the river from Fargo, ND. The star, whose affinity for the macabre is well known, was quoted exclaiming, “Sheeet yeah, that place is straight-up Billy Bobscene, y’all.” He then proceeded to grab his pet Python, Fang, along with a bottle of whiskey and jump into his helicopter which whirred off into the night.

Apparently, Billy Bob has been looking for a unique home in the Red River Valley for months. After clinching the lead in FX’s upcoming series, Fargo, the actor began searching for what he called, “A place to dig in and develop my character’s roots. Plus, I gotta get that accent down, you know? I’m all southern-trailer-park-redneck and my character is northwoods-ax-murdery-dude. Hell’s bells.”

Moorhead locals near the notoriously wicked haunted house have mixed feelings about their quirky new neighbor. Area resident, Patty Berger said, “Well, when you’ve been living next door to Satan’s sanctuary, it’s hard to see how things could get much worse. Still, better the devil you know than the devil you don’t, right? I guess all we can do is hope for the best. Some Hollywood kook who’d wear blood around his neck might be just creepy enough to scare out those damned demons. God help us if he can’t do it.”

Billy Bob's House

Haunted house

Reps for Mr. Thornton would not confirm the actor’s current whereabouts, but sightings have been reported in and around Fargo-Moorhead for weeks. When asked if she had ever actually seen Billy Bob, Patty Berger looked up at the sky quizzically. “You know, come to think of it, I might have. I saw a strange man on the sidewalk a few days ago with a snake over one shoulder. He was a little guy…kinda funny looking.”

Is it solid proof that the celebrity has taken up residence in his new haunt? Probably not. Are folks up here prrrrreetttty sure that Billy Bob’s “In Da House”? Oh, you betcha.

Moorhead Haunted House Worth Avoiding

caption here

Experts say that on a scale of H1-H5, this haunted house is an H5!

Moorhead, MN – If you don’t believe in haunted houses, this place might change your mind. Whatever problems the City of Moorhead has, they can add this one to their list.

This haunted house sits at the end of a street in north Moorhead near the edge of town. We were told to not print the address for obvious public safety reasons. Because it is so severely haunted, no realtor can sell the place and the city can’t tear it down because it doggedly defends itself.

The story goes that an older lady lived there with her dog. Neighbors say that she was known to give away chocolate-covered doggy treats to children for Helloween. During one long cold winter, both she and her dog froze while sitting in her rocking chair, after the city disconnected her power.

Depending on its mood, the house sometimes changes color. Doors will automagically open if it decides to let someone in. Once inside, you might not be able to leave when you want. Cell phones don’t work inside the place except to show freaky picture of an old dead lady along with a scrolling message that says: “Can’t call 9-1-1? Try calling 6-6-6!”

Realtor Sylvia Lamar: “Just imagine trying to show a home to a young prospective couple. You drive up on a sunny day and it’s raining on the home. A murder of crows lands on the roof as you walk up to it. While inside, the old rocking chair starts to slowly rock back and forth. The toaster pops up and the smoke detector goes off. The cupboards start violently opening and closing. When your clients nervously ask if the house is haunted, what are you supposed to say?!” She went on to admit that “it was literally like being trapped inside a nightmare, especially when the floors started to move, and weird barking sounds echoed up from the dank basement.”

Police surveillance cameras show that during every full moon, the front door opens to allow stray dogs to enter. Apparently they each come away with one chocolate-covered doggy treat.

UPDATE: Billy Bob buys haunted house!

Billy Bob: New owner of a very haunted house in the East Fargo area.

Billy Bob: New owner of a very haunted house in the East Fargo area.

The Queen Of England Wants Stonehenge Moved To Buckingham Palace

caption here

Stonehenge to be relocated from Wiltshire to Westminster, by order of The Queen.

Wiltshire, England – Rumor has it that The Queen of England wants Stonehenge moved from the town of Wiltshire to the grounds of Buckingham Palace before she steps down from the throne.

John Thomas, an expert in English history, says that if that’s what The Queen wants, then it’s the right thing to do.

He explains: “It actually makes a lot of sense to move the Neolithic standing stones from Amesbury to London so that more tourists can easily see them.”

Some believe that the archaic attraction should even be refurbished along the way, since some of the stones that date back to 3000 BC are missing.

Once again, John Thomas: “The Queen, in all of her elegance, likes things to be maintained and proper. If she wants the circle of stones to be restored back to their full glory, then we shall make it so.”

UFO Sighting In North Dakota Caught On Camera


Sheriff Ben Dover says: This really happened! This here ain’t no hoax.

Perth, North Dakota – An amazing UFO sighting was caught on camera just outside Perth, in north central North Dakota.

Towner County Sheriff Ben Dover somehow captured this amazing image on his cell phone, while watching the UFO for about ten minutes, as he sipped an early morning cup of coffee.

Sheriff Dover said that he witnessed the UFO spacecraft use its tractor beam to pull up an old bi-plane that was sitting out in a farmer’s field.

Dr. Zak Neth of the National UFO Center: North Dakota has definitely been a hot-spot of UFO activity lately. However, the aliens who were sent to visit “Earth” might have mistakenly thought they were to visit “Perth”.