Tag Archives: bill burns

Hawaiian Officials Warning People That Hot Lava Is Very Hot

Don’t touch the hot lava to feel how hot it is.

Hawaii, HI – Governmental leaders are trying to remind residents and visitors on Hawaii’s Big Island that hot lava is nothing with which to play around.

“Even though it looks so mesmerizingly beautiful, please do not attempt to touch the hot lava or even go near it as it can sometimes bubble up and the spattered little drops could ruin your nice new Hawaiian shirt,” says Kiko Kimona, Hawaii’s top lavologist.

One angry vacationer visiting from Moorhead, Minnesota was considering filing a lawsuit because the lava was so hot that it completed melted her can of Beef Ravioli that she was trying to cook for her family (not to mention what it did to their rental car).

Controlled Burn That Got Out Of Control Now 50% Contained

“Controlled Burn” that suddenly became an uncontrolled burn is now only about 50% contained.

Burnstad, ND – Highly trained governmental environmental workers trying to do a controlled burn helplessly watched it suddenly get out of control when winds began to gust up out of nowhere.

“Yeah, no, what began as our controlled burn, ah, quickly changed over to what we call an uncontrolled burn,” reports Luton Crofoot, who lit the original fire with a casual flick of his cigarette butt.

Luton added: “Maybe we should’ve paid better attention to thee, ah, windcast for the time period in which we planned to stage our, ah, controlled burn.”

Fire containment experts on the scene estimated that the out-of-control controlled burn is now approximately 50% contained.

However, they do admit that the 50% that is not contained is 100% out of control as environmental workers try to set additional back fires which are also getting out of control thanks to the wind.

Ironically, all of the charred letters in Luton Crofoot can be hotly re-arranged to spell: Out Of Control!

Fargo Invaders Football Team

Bill Burns Makes The Fargo Invaders Team

Fargo Invaders Football Team

Follow the arrows and see Bill Burns at practice.


Fargo, ND – After an exhausting 2 weeks of waiting, the wait is finally over. Bill Burns has received word via postal mail that he did indeed make the Fargo Invaders football team. As you can see from the picture above, he was pictured practicing which confirms the rumors.  He can be seen working very hard.

It is not sure exactly what position Bill will be playing.  Coach stated that Bill is very useful and could prove helpful on and definitely off the field.  Activities such as making sure everyone has their underwear washed, bathroom cleaning, water boy etc etc are all positions we may see Bill play.

Bill is very versatile.

He can attack off field duties without a hiccup.  On-field he is a force to be reckoned with.  Maybe we will see him as second string punter or 4th string safety.

Just last week Bill sat in the same spot on the bench long enough to warm up that bench position spot to a toasty 70 degrees.  He did this to make sure the quarterback had a warm place to sit when off the field.  Now does that sound like a MVP or what?

Keep an eye on Bill Burns.  We can see records being broken first game.  Records all shattered by Bill Burns.