Tag Archives: canada

The Great Musk Ox Migration To Come Directly Through The Fargo Area

Wear an anti-musk mask to avoid being overcome by the pungent odor from the beastly migrating oxen.

Fargo, ND – While North Dakota is still dealing with the Covid crisis, it will soon also have to contend with a Bovid crisis.

Thousands of musk ox from the Bovid family of large hoofed mammals will soon be doing their annual migration.

Because of climate change, this year’s route is going to bring an extremely large group of the strong musk-smelling animals through the Fargo area.

Authorities are recommending that the public wear masks when outside due to the powerful musky odor emitted by the males who are trying to attract females.

Because some of the animals weigh almost 900 pounds, people are also asked to quarantine during the times that the musk ox migration is moving through our region.

In summary, because of the Bovid migration, either shelter in place (in small groups) to stay safe, or if you must go out for beer, wear a mask to maximize your herd immunity to the strong musky smell and minimize your chances of being overcome by the intense Bovidian odor.

‘Polar Vortex Pizza’ Delivers Your Fully Cooked Pizza Completely Frozen

We guarantee your pizza will be completely frozen by the time you get it.

Fargo, ND – Not real stoked about going out into the arcticly crazy super-cold windchill temperatures for supper?

Maybe you should just stay warm at home while ordering a pizza from Polar Vortex Pizza!

Their pizzas are great, and fully cooked in perfectly hot ovens, and then quickly delivered rock-hard frozen solid to your front door.

The flash-freezing process take only seconds and locks in all the wonderful goodness of your Polar Vortex Pizza!

Some customer feedback: “Yeah, Polar Vortex Pizzas are great, but don’t plan on eating them right away.”

Abominable Snowman Comes To Fargo Area In Search Of Mate

Yeti or not, here he comes!

Fargo, ND Have you been wondering: Why is it so darn cold these days?

Answer: Yeti, the abominable snowman, has temporarily left the Arctic Circle long enough to hopefully find himself a mate.

Why now? Because this is the mating season of the abominable snowman, since our winter is actually his Spring.

Experts agree it’s no accident that the word climate is made up of the words: climb + mate.

Why Fargo? No one is quite sure but it’s believed that Yeti has gotten lucky here in the past.

Yetiologists believe that negative windchill factors are how Mr. Abominable attracts his mate. So, the stronger the attraction, the colder it feels.

BigFoot Spotted Wandering Around Just Outside Of Moorhead

This incredible image of BigFoot was recently snapped by an amateur photographer just outside of Moorhead.

This incredible image of BigFoot was recently snapped by an amateur photographer named Darko Revkian just outside the quirky town of Moorhead, Minisoda.

Moorhead, MN – One of our trained spotters who was out doing some bird watching recently got what is believed to be the best picture ever of The BigFoot.

Darko Revkian and his camera were in search of a pileated woodpecker’s nest when he noticed a large creature walking towards an outhouse.

Darko: “All my photography training immediately kicked in and I somehow took a perfect picture of what now is believed to be the actual BigFoot.”

BigFoot experts think that the beast might be en route to Canada in the wake of Donald Trump’s successful bid for the White House.

In the meantime, Moorhead authorities are telling residents to shelter in place until the “All Clear” notification is given that The BigFoot is no longer wandering around the area.

President Trump Puts Pink Floyd In Charge Of Building The Wall

Pink Floyd hired by President Trump to be in charge of The Wall.

Pink Floyd hired by President Trump to be in charge of The Wall.

Wall, Texas – Wasting no time after his landslide victory, President Trump announced that he is putting Pink Floyd in charge of building The Wall.

President Trump: “Pink Floyd is going to be in charge of The Wall along our Southern border. It’s going to be great. It will be longer and greater than the Great Wall in China. And Mexico will pay for it.”

In other news, President Trump has asked retiring NFL football player HaHa Clinton-Dix to oversee the special prosecutor who will be in charge of putting Hillary in prism for her off-color remarks.

As the 70-year-old President Trump becomes the 45th president of the United States after running for his first elected office, we can expect to see a long list of celebrities moving to Canada, including: Barbara Streisand, Bryan Cranston, Whoopi Goldberg, Jon Stewart, and Rosie O’Donnell. 

Canadian Movie Star Thonn Furbeglan To Host 2016 Maple Syrup Festival

Thonn Furbeglan

Thonn Furbeglan

Edmonton, AB, Canada – The syrup world is abuzz this morning with the announcement that Canadian action film star Thonn Furbeglan will be donning the flannel stageside for this year’s Maple Syrup Cookoff Festival set to take place at City Theatre in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada.

The competition will be hot as thousands of maple syrupers from around the country bring their best concoctions in hopes to snag the coveted Golden Leaf Award. Furbeglan plans to gleefully lend his talents as both festival emcee and TasteMaster.

Golden Leaf

Golden Leaf

Contestant syrup will be judged thoroughly in the following categories:

  • Genuine Richness
  • Mapleness
  • Friendliness
  • Trueness Of Strength

Furbeglan has been waiting for this moment. “I’ve always wanted to host this, eh? But every year there’s been a scheduling conflict as i’m always out filming Canadian movies in the woods and snow during winter, eh? I’m real-eh excited to final-eh be a part of it.”

Throughout the festival, Furbeglan will be readily available for photos, autographs, hugs and the like, as is tradition. The week-long festival runs from Sunday, January 24th til February 1st, a Monday.

Canada Building Wall To Keep Out Mericans And Mexicans

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The Walling Of Canada, eh?

Ottawa, Ontario – While the United States continues its never-ending debate about building a wall on its southern border, Canada is actually beginning to build a wall on its southern border.

Another northwestern wall is being built to divide Canada and Alaska.

Jan-Panko LaPlonk, the Canadian Grand Deputy Prime Minister of Border Security, says: “Well, we think it’s a good idea, eh?”

The Great Wall of Canada will run about 5,500 miles, equaling the length of the Great Wall of China.

The Great Wall of Canada will cross fields, forests, mountains, great lakes, highways, hockey arenas, and living rooms.

UPDATE: With the election of Donald Trump as the next US president, Canada is now working double-time to finish building the wall along their Southern border. They also say that the United States will pay for their wall.

North Dakota declines offer to secede from America & join Canada

North Dakota, USA – In what many in the geography community have called a desperate attempt at coolness, Canada, our gracious neighbors to the north, made a pitiful request to the USA to secede North Dakota & add it to the southern region of Manitoba. Canada, being as envious and so totally jealous of our perfectly run country as they are, figured they could alter their reputation by adding a piece of American culture to their vast, snowy landscape:

“We really like America, eh? America is soo coool, eh? Maybe America wouldn’t care if North Dakoota left the country, eh? Come be a part of Canada, eh? We’ll even move the border for you. Okeh?”

Upon finding out about Canada’s bold proposal, the United States government showed no concern over the threat of losing one of its Dakotas. When questioned about the possibility of ND seceding from the union, President Obama had this to say:

“Whatever. We’ll just suck out all the oil, let ’em move and replace ’em with Puerto Rico. No big deal.”

After a few minutes of careful deliberation, the 39th state of our great union made the final decision to stay a part of the US:

“This was a very tempting offer, but we ultimately decided we’re already as close to being Canadian as we’re willing to get.”

The Observer has breathed a collective sigh of relief at this great news. We think we speak for everyone when we say ZERO FLANNEL IS ENOUGH FLANNEL.