Long lines expected at every car wash in the FM area in effort to beat the return of Global Cooling.
Fargo, ND – In a community-wide frenzied effort to get all cars washed prior to the return of Algore’s Polar Vortex, every car wash is expecting a record-breaking day.
Lines into car washes could be so long that police may have to direct traffic while managing road rage caused by people trying to bud in line.
After such a long streak of freakily cold weather, nearly every vehicle in the greater FM area is dirtier than Harvey Weinstein’s office.
“Yah, people around here like to keep their cars real clean, so there’s that then, plus, it’s just kind of a fun thing to do, in order to get out of the house, cuz ya can’t watch Judge Judy all day, don’t-cha know?” explains Ernie Flapwood, an FM-Observer consultant, who likes free coffee, and has an opinion about pretty much everything.
Golf Pro Wade Lancer does not see playing golf over Interstate-94 as a big problem.
Fargo, ND – In an effort to keep up with a growing demand for golf courses in the greater Fargo-Moorhead area, Urban Golf Association Partners (UGAP) is opening its newest challenge along Interstate 94.
It is called Fargo Diversions and its catchy slogan is: “We put the PAR in Party!” This unique golf course will have players actually shooting over I-94 in multiple places.
Its designers have added five extra holes so that par for the course is 94 shots in honor of the Interstate Highway 94.
“This 23 hole golf course will possibly be the location for the 2026 US Open Golf Tournament if things proceed as we have foreseen them,” says golf pro Wade Lancer who encourages you to please call the clubhouse and make your reservations to play Fargo’s newest and funnest golf course.
FM Observer: “But what about the cars? What about people playing golf across I-94? Doesn’t UGAP see this as a potential problem?”
Golf Pro Wade Lancer: “Well, we figure most FM area golfers are good enough to not hit a fracking car, and besides that, it’s not easy to hit a moving target so the golfers probably couldn’t hit a car or truck even if they were trying to.”
What’s the big deal about throwing a burning cigarette butt out a car window during a burning ban?
Fargo, ND – Moderate drought conditions in North Dakota are sparking burning bans to be implemented on both the state and county levels.
The extremely dry conditions due to Global Drying have precipitated government leaders to douse all fire-related activities until further notice.
So, using covered firepits for social gatherings, singing around the campfire, making bonfire s’mores, and controlled burns on windy days are now all considered to be unacceptable activities and could put you in the hot seat.
However, the tossing of burning cigarettes from cars is still an acceptable habit.
All drivers who smoke know that it would be such a disgusting inconvenience to have to put a smoke out in their clean unused ashtrays.
Throwing the last of a hot burning cigarette out the car window has never been considered to be littering or a potential fire hazard, even if it happens to roll off into a ditch full of parched dry brown grasses.
Cliff Uckerson says of this practice: “Yeah, it ain’t no big deal. Once I toss it out the window, it’s gone. I ain’t gunna see it again.”
With strict new burning bans going into place to prevent widespread fire disasters, it would be asking way too much to request that smokers discontinue the ritual of flicking their burning butts out the car window.