Tag Archives: cold air

Tie-Dyed Wind Chill Map Warms Hearts Of Former Hippies

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Tie-Dye Wind-Chills :o)

Grand Forks, ND – Some former hippies who now work for the National Weather Service believe one of their recent windchill maps hearkened back to tie-dyed shirts from days gone by.

Buzz Marley, assistant climatologist since 1970: “Wow, man. Like we got a lot of calls about this map, dude.”

Arlo Zappa, radar technician since Woodstock: “A lot of people really seemed to respond to the tie-dye nature of how we’re mapping the wind chill!”

Karma Krishna, chief meteorologist since the Grateful Dead died: “These tie-dye maps are really super cool, especially if you’re listening to music at the same time.”

Algore Sends Frigid Polar Vortex Into North Dakota As Punishment For Fracking

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It is best to not piss off the Godfather of Global Climate Change.

Devils Lake, ND – The Godfather of Global Warming has decided to punish the northern half of MegaKota by routing the icy Polar Vortex back into our entire region.

FMO: “Algore, why did you decide to blast Northern Megakota with a mega-dose of bone chilling Arctic air?”

Algore: “Well, now, I will tell you why. So, sometimes we have to use a carrot and/or a stick. Because of all the terrible horizontal fracking that’s been going on, which I have said is a big No-No, North Dakota needs a strong dis-incentive to not continue with this naughty practice.”

During the near foreseeable future, concerned weatherologists are warning that Global Cooling will be moving in, much like a prolonged uncomfortable visit from your in-laws.

Long Cold Winter Starting To Take Its Effect On Normal People

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At the beginning of winter, this person was just a normal looking guy.

Fargo, ND – Are you starting to feel the negative effects of winter? Do normally easy small tasks seem bigly challenging?

Maybe you’re suffering from WHAKOH like most other people living in Fargo. WHAKOH stands for: Winter Hits All Kind Of Hard.

If the idea of going to the grocery store to get a few basic items feels like you’re preparing to cross Antarctica by sled, you have a case of WHAKOH.

If having to do any snow blowing or shoveling feels tantamount to getting a root canal, you are going WHAKOH.

Our very own Dr. Willy Nilly suggests joining a square dancing group or take regular trips to any of the local liquor stores.

Also, marking the days (or even the hours) off on a large calendar sometimes helps to visually remind you that winter will some day be over.

Fargo Man Arrested For Leaving Dog Outside Too Long

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Shih Tzu puppy named Pixy is the latest casualty in the War On Global Cooling.

Fargo, ND – The good news is: that Mr. Dorf Gonez got a cute little new Shih Tzu puppy for his family as a Christmas present.

The bad news is: that Mr. Dorf Gonez forgot that their new little Pixy was tied up outside while Dorf got lost playing his new video games.

When his wife finally asked “Hay, where the hell is Pixy?”, Mr. Dorf Gonez went outside to find their new Shih Tzu puppy all frozen up like an ice cube tray in a freezer set to the coldest possible setting.

The Fargo Criminal Canine Task Force showed up shortly after that to arrest Mr. Dorf Gonez for gross aggravated negligence.

Sadly, all the letters in Dorf Gonez can be coldly re-arranged to spell: Frozen Dog!

Fargo Temperature is Freezing

Hundreds of Cars Said, “FUCK THIS SHIT” This Morning Leaving People With No Transportation

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Fargo, ND – If Mondays were not bad enough, throw in some cold air and wind and you just stepped into the worst place on earth: Fargo.

Forecasts last week that ranged from ‘God damn it’s cold’ to ‘Why the fuck do I live here’ continued on into this week.  We had the pleasure of enjoying a negative temperature of -15 today.  Let’s take a look at the coming days to see if it will be getting……….nope.  Still going to be cold as fuck.

Fargo Temperature is Freezing

Even the automobiles of the Fargo-Moorhead area have had enough.  Hundreds of automobiles said “FUCK THIS SHIT” this morning as their owners tried to start their car leaving many wondering why they were out of bed or why they even lived here.

Service and tow companies have seen their business nearly double over the past week.

“I was driving down 13th Ave S when I heard my car blurt out, ‘fuck this shit.’  It then just stopped working.  I had to call a tow driver.”

“I went out to my car at 6:30 ready for work.  Put the key in, tried to start it, and I heard a ‘fuck this shit.’  It still doesn’t start.  I don’t know how I’m getting to work tomorrow.”

Jason said he didn’t even get within 10 feet of his car when it blurted out, “Too cold!  Go back to fucking bed!”

We could give you some advice such as letting your car warm up but let’s just be honest here.  If the temperature is below zero when you wake up, go back to fucking bed and leave your car alone.