Tag Archives: couch potato

Survey Asks: Do We Really Need Domesticated Cats?

One thing that everyone agrees on: Domesticated cats are now obsolete!

Catalina, Arizona – We recently surveyed less than a million people asking about cats as pets.

The overall consensus from our expensive and extensive survey was that domesticated cats have now become obsolete.

Case in point: Let’s take the average domesticated cat for example.

Your typical house cat has become bored, lazy, and fat.

Today’s modern couch cat goes from catatonic cat naps to over-using recreational catnip with an occasional caterwaul for more of the same.

Domesticated cats are an embarrassment to their species and are nearly unrecognizable from their ancestral progenitors.

The solution to this catastrophe is to release today’s home-bound cats out into the wild to give them a purpose again: Mouse and Vole Patrol!

In summary: Do we really still need to have domesticated cats? The answer is a categorical: NO!

Santa’s Deliveries In Jeopardy As Rudolph Has Chronic Wasting Disease

Rudolph is sick and Santa has irritable bowel syndrome.

Rudolph is sick with Chronic Wasted Disease as is evidenced by the dark spots on his ears, antlers, and nose.

North Pole, Alaska – Christmas authorities are expressing serious concern over a recent report from SantaLand that Rudolph is suffering from the dreaded Chronic Wasting Disease.

Tis believed that Rudolph may have contracted this often fatal disease while partying with an outside herd at the Extreme Reindeer Games in Asspen, Colocado.

A snowy Santa spokeself sadly said that “Rudolph has been acting much like a couch potato lately, just laying around all the time, munching on Pringles Sour Cream Potato Chips and watching endless reruns of the Twilight Zone.”

As such, hundreds of the “nice” children around the world may not be getting any presents delivered from the real Santa this Christmas.

Of course, all the “naughty” children wouldn’t have gotten anything anyway so this doesn’t really affect them, now, does it?