Tag Archives: dangerous

FMO Asking: How Safe Do You Feel In North Fargo?

FM Observer’s Man-On-The-Street wants to know what you think!

Fargo, ND After Fargo’s mayor firmly declared the city to be safe despite some recent fatalities just North of the downtown area, our FM Observer’s man-on-the-street went out to ask some locals living in that area of town the following simple question:

Question: How safe do you feel in your North Fargo neighborhood?

Here are some of the answers we got:

I feel as safe as caged pigeons in the basement of a Chinese restaurant.

I feel as safe as a young baseball fan sitting in the foul ball section of a Cubs game.

I feel as safe as a French cathedral while restoration workers have a smoke break.

I feel as safe as American tourists vacationing in the Dominican Republic.

I feel as safe as an afternoon clerk at a Howard Johnson’s Inn.

I feel as safe as private insurance companies during a Bernie Sander’s rally.

I feel as safe as a typo in a document about to be spell-checked.

I feel as safe as a bottle rocket in a match factory.

I feel as safe as an African lion within sight of a Minneapolis dentist.

I feel as safe as a case of ice-cold beer at We Fest.

I feel as safe as the owner of a Texas BBQ food truck.

A Rare Pair Of Velociraptors Seen Wandering Through West Fargo

If you happen to see this pair of Velociraptors, please call 9-1-1 at your earliest convenience.

West Fargo, ND – City authorities who are not wanting to cause a panic, are trying to stay calm whilst warning the community that a very rare pair of Velociraptors has been seen walking around within city limits.

Dr. Sarlo Petrovic and his spousemate Claire Provost have been flown into West Fargo to monitor this unusual situation.

“Yes, this would indeed be quite similar to the Jurassic Park scenario where two speedy raptors who are known for their rapacious appetite would be wandering around looking for food and fun”, says Dr. Petrovic.

Ms. Provost mentioned that her dino-cell testing lab in Canada recently reported two missing Velociraptors who go by the name of Pelto and Provo.

She advises: “If you happen to see my two dear raptors in your yard, please let us know.”

“If they’re hungry, they could be considered dangerous, but they’re usually quite harmless and playfully curious.”

Ironically, all the letters in Sarlo Petrovic and Claire Provost can be re-arranged to spell: Velociraptors!

If You See This Chipmunk, Contact Your Local Authorities Immediately

Considered to be a "chipmunk of interest", authorities would like to question this little guy.

Considered to be a “chipmunk of interest”, authorities would like to question this little guy.

Lakes, MN – The authorities are asking for your help in finding this chipmunk who goes by the name of “Mr. Chippy”.

Mr. Chippy is considered by local authorities to be a “chipmunk of interest” in a rash of burglaries and break-ins throughout the Minnesota lakes area.

Some of the things cabin dwellers have found to be missing include nuts, acorns, seeds, mushrooms, corn, berries, slugs, and snails.

Mr. Chippy is possibly armed and dangerous. He may have food and weapons stockpiled in his burrow.

If you see this Minnesota menace who stands at about 4 inches tall, has black stripes down his back and a bushy little tail, please remain calm in your home, and call your local authorities immediately to report the situation.

If Mr. Chippy should approach you while outside your home, toss a peanut away from yourself which should allow you time to quickly run into your home and lock the doors and windows.

Undercover Investigation Uncovers Underground Senior Citizen Fight Club In Fargo

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One of our hidden cameras captured this rare photo of one of Fargo’s many super-secretive senior citizen fight clubs during a pre-fight meeting.

Fargo, ND – After a lengthy two-day investigation by your FM Observer, we recently turned up disturbing news about some dangerous seasoned citizens in our area.

What we learned is that some small groups of large men calling themselves F.I.S.T. (Fargo’s Intense Situational Testers) secretively meet at various coffee shops once a month prior to randomly pairing off into fight partners.

Then they proceed to pummel upon one another until one of them waves the white flag, after which the victor treats the loser to a doughnut and a cup of coffee and they both reminisce about their ordeal.

The alleged ring leader of F.I.S.T. is a man named Warren Peace who whispers: “The fist rule of our fight club is to not remember anything about it. And the second rule is, well, I can’t remember that one right now. I’m sorry, what was your question?”

Police say that if you see any small groups of large older men in a doughnut or coffee shop, please stay away from these dangerous trained fighters and call the police if you feel at all threatened.