Tag Archives: distilled tears

Vin Diesel To Donate 4,000-Gallon Collection Of Distilled Tears To Flint, MI

Genuine heart

Genuine heart 


Not happy tears

Hollywood, CA – Contrary to what we all had thought, acclaimed movie badass and feared megaman Vin Diesel isn’t 100% ferocious. 

No! Upon hearing of the Flint water crisis, he’s taken the call to donate to this long-term need. Diesel will be sending them his 4,000-gallon repository of cried human tears.

He keeps a huge stock of distilled tears on hand that keep him “lit”. 

“Sadness tears give me that edge. They get drank [sic] before a lift or a shoot,” Diesel growled in between bites of raw tiger meat. “So i’ll give ’em to Flint.”

When asked where the heck he got 4,000 gallons of distilled tears, Diesel vehemently denied harvesting them. Instead, he claims, he gets them from an anonymous source in Dubai. “Flint can have what I got. I’ll just get more.”