Tag Archives: fargo man

Fargo Man Who Dreams He Was On A Cruise Ship Wakes Up With Corona Virus

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If you find yourself dreaming that you’re on a cruise ship, get tested for the Corona Virus before waking up.

Fargo, ND – While sleeping soundly in his Fargo home, a man who had a dream of being on a cruise ship woke up testing positive for the Corona Virus.

After deciding to self-quarantine in his bedroom, the man fell back asleep only to find himself back on the same cruise ship where he could at least be quarantined somewhere else besides his Fargo bedroom.

Once the dream cruise ship ran out of food, hunger caused the man to wake up again back in his Fargo bedroom only to discover that he did not actually have the Corona Virus and that the whole thing had been part of a larger dream.

To celebrate the fact that he was now truly testing negative for the Corona Virus, the man booked a cruise on a real cruise ship where he subsequently did actually catch the Corona Virus and as you might expect is now quarantined on that particular cruise ship.

Interestingly, while actually being quarantined now on a real cruise ship, the Fargo man in question had a dream that he was waking up back in his Fargo bedroom and testing negative for the Corona Virus.

Fargo Man A Dead Ringer For Leonardo Da Vinci

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Davin Condelario of Fargo is often mistaken for Leonardo Da Vinci.

Fargo, ND – You may have seen him walking in and around the greater Fargo-Moorhead area while frequenting some of his favorite spots such as the library, the planetarium, and Italian restaurants.

His name is Davin Condelario and he looks exactly like Leonardo Da Vinci.

Some of his close friends call him Davin Da Fargo.

Although he gets around quite a bit, Davin leads a rather mysterious and remote existence.

Civil records show that he lives on the outskirts of town with his lovely wife Mona Lisa Condelario.

Mona says Davin has a wide variety of interests including painting, and mentioned that he once even painted a portrait of her which they now have hanging in their living room.

Amazingly, the letters in Davin Condelario can also spell Leonardo Da Vinci!

Tree Toppled By Storm’s Strong Winds Damages Home Which Owner Fixes Using Only Duct Tape

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Once again, duct tape proves to be the only real thing you need to fix anything.

Fargo, ND – The home of Dr. Devito Petalcu was heavily damaged this past weekend when a hurricane-force gust knocked down a very large tree onto his family’s house.

Not wanting to wait for help to arrive, the Petalcu group quickly removed the monstrous tree and chopped it up into neatly stacked firewood for the winter.

Then, Devito resourcefully used many rolls of colorful duct tape to masterfully repair the damage so as to almost make their home better than new.

Expectedly, all of the letters in Devito Petalcu can be duct taped together to spell: I Love Duct Tape!

Fargo Man Won’t Confirm Nor Deny That He’s Running For President

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Will I or won’t I? Shall I or shan’t I? These are the tough questions facing Fargo’s Rinfret Pounders.

Fargo, ND – At this time, Fargo native Rinfret Pounders will neither confirm or deny that he is planning on running for president of the United States in the next presidential election.

Speculation surrounding the 35-year-old Fargo native continues to swirl while a decision to run or not by Rinfret Pounders is still completely up in the air.

Mr. Pounders’ best friend and chief campaign strategist is Pruner Steindorf, who recently leaked:

“At this juncture, Mr. Rinfret Pounders may or may not be running for president. We are leaving all options on the table, if you will.”

Curiously, all of the letters in Rinfret Pounders and Pruner Steindorf can somehow be re-arranged to spell: Run For President!

Fargo Man Arrested For Leaving Dog Outside Too Long

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Shih Tzu puppy named Pixy is the latest casualty in the War On Global Cooling.

Fargo, ND – The good news is: that Mr. Dorf Gonez got a cute little new Shih Tzu puppy for his family as a Christmas present.

The bad news is: that Mr. Dorf Gonez forgot that their new little Pixy was tied up outside while Dorf got lost playing his new video games.

When his wife finally asked “Hay, where the hell is Pixy?”, Mr. Dorf Gonez went outside to find their new Shih Tzu puppy all frozen up like an ice cube tray in a freezer set to the coldest possible setting.

The Fargo Criminal Canine Task Force showed up shortly after that to arrest Mr. Dorf Gonez for gross aggravated negligence.

Sadly, all the letters in Dorf Gonez can be coldly re-arranged to spell: Frozen Dog!

Fargo’s Dr. Svinkhaus Believes That Black Holes Matter

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Dr. Hector Svinkhaus believes Black Holes Matter.

Fargo, ND – Dr. Hector Svinkhaus who is internationally known for his work in radioactivity, particularly AM/FM, is now a possible candidate to receive the Nobel Peace Prize for his breakthrough study of black holes.

“What I have done here is make black holes accessible to the common people, and now these domesticated black holes can be used for entertainment or as a personal trash can, if you will,” says Dr. Svinkhaus.

The esteemed doctor does believe that black holes matter in that they make matter completely disappear which is a good thing if you have items or pets you want to dispose of or merely hide on a permanent basis.

If you would like to see Dr. Svinkhaus’ personal black hole on display in his living room, please call or stop by for coffee and cookies, day or night, rain or shine.

Fargo Downtowner Arrested For Repeated Dawdlings

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Man arrested in Fargo for dawdling. So, when in doubt, do not dawdle.

Fargo, ND – Nyork Slocco, who calls the general downtown Fargo area his home, was arrested by police for “dawdling“.

“No man! You got it all wrong. I was in no way dawdling! Dallying a bit maybe, yes, but deafinitely not dawdling,” says an adamant Slocco.

The arresting police officer added that there might have also been some “puttering” going on too.

Officer J.J. Haskins: “I first tried to suggest that this person just ‘mosey along‘. Dude, please, just meander off in one continuous direction for about a block. Even a slight ‘sashay‘ would have been good enough.”

But what the police officer got instead was an “ambling about” that closely resembled the earlier dawdling, or what the wine-drinking French sometimes loosely refer to as “coqueting“.

After Mr. Slocco was put into jail, correctional staff officers reported Nyork to be “skulking” in his cell.

While sauntering down to the refectory, Nyork Slocco saw a sign on the wall that read: “Learn to be civil. Stop with the frivol.”

Unofficial moral of the story: No matter your lot in life, a healthy vocabulary of synonyms can help you get a lot more out of your life and also into a lot more trouble.

Official moral of the story: Don’t Dawdle In Downtown Fargo.

Fargo’s Most Famous Poet Tries To Explain His Best Works

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Sir Nedley Graves looks back over his incredibly poetic career while sitting on his Fargone porch supping tea and scones.

Fargo, ND – Nedley Graves is known far and wide as probably thee most famous poet to ever call Fargo, ND his home.

His whole life has been spent writing poetry to the extent that his home is so full of it that it was specially zoned as a historic library of major literary significance, so say his fans and critics alike, from butte to coast.

Nedley Graves’ poems come almost entirely to him from his dreams, spoken to him through some sort of divine communication system known only to those who reach the pinnacle of success as has been achieved by Sir Nedley Graves.

Unfortunately, most don’t have a fricking clue what his poems are about and leave many readers of his most-finest works scratching their collective heads as to what the hell is being conveyed.

Nonetheless, poems of this caliber only seem to come along once, perhaps twice or thrice, in a lifetime and this is the reason why Nedley Graves is considered to be among Fargo’s finest when it comes to excessively excelling.

Here is just a sweet taste of one of Nedley Graves’ most famous poems which is simply entitled: Be-Dwelkered Dreams

Be-dwelkered dreams coarse happenstance
Upon my charmanst filter of life’s light
Gridden through and through what I mistook
For fraid temprons glowing from my firey bon

Carpathoned spokes unspoken to our laird
Unsquared by merely morsald chambermaids
Unsquizoned paths to pay in fields of maise
Whilst we chase down our feelings underlow

A top poetical critic named Sir Charles J. Bastion recently wrote of Nedley Graves’ life’s works: “It seems like it is really great stuff but nobody I’ve ever encountered has any fracking guesses as to what the flying flock these poems are about! I personally think his whole body of work is one giant crock of shit, but would never admit that on the record. This is off the record, right?”

If you are a huge Nedley Graves fan who would like to nibble scones and sup tea with Fargo’s supposed poetic master while he tries to explain some of his so-called better poems and attempts to translate them into reality, please call or email our Office of Literary Arts for dates, times, and perhaps even some rhymes.

Fargo Man Returns Home To Discover Demolition Crew Destroying Wrong House

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Fargo man quickly becomes fluent in profanity.

Fargo, ND – You can imagine the shock that Mr. Henry Kaberry who lives at 2088 Muscat Street was feeling when he pulled into his driveway.

While his children were still at school and his wife was at work, he decided to go workout at the gym on his day off.

Upon returning home, their recently-remodeled house was already half torn down by a giant claw attached to some large machinery which had badly torn up his potential yard-of-the-month.

As it turns out, the demolition crew was supposed to destroy the house at 1088 Muscat Street but with the 1 looking like a 2, the unthinkable happened.

Ironically, when Henry Kaberry went in for a routine physical exam last year, he ended up having his gall bladder removed after the hospital mistakenly put him into the wrong room.

Fargo Man Often Mistaken For 16th U.S. President

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Fargo man often mistaken for Abraham Lincoln.

Fargo man often mistaken for Abraham Lincoln.

Fargo, ND – A local Fargo man often gets told he looks a lot like someone else.

Mr. Gilmore Rawls, a long-time resident of Fargo, bears an uncanny similarity to President Abraham Lincoln, who lived about 150 years ago.

When asked if he ever gets requests for an autograph, Mr. Rawls says “Oh yes, all the time!” And then he proceeds to write out “Gilmore Rawls” using an old ink pen he made from an eagle feather.

“If I had a dollar for every autograph I’ve signed over the years, it probably would have been enough to pay my way through law school, which was always a dream of mine.”

Gilmore Rawls’ family originated from the Kentucky area, also similar to Abe Lincoln.

After moving to Fargo, Gilmore worked at the post office and also as a county surveyor. “I was also pretty good with an axe, and have made many a fence in my days”, he added.

These days, he likes to spend most of his time reading history books by the light of his old stone fireplace.

On whether or not he’s seen the recent movie about President Lincoln, Gilmore said: “I’m not really a movie-going person. If anything, I like to go see a good play at the local community theater.”