Tag Archives: fm observer

Johnnny’s Ninth Retrospective (Posts 800-900)

My second one hundred posts.

My 9th 100 posts. Now I can build an even longer fence!

Since 900 is such a nice round number, it was decided to use the occasion of my 900th post to take a trip back down memory lane.

So, it’s time once again to look back at Johnnny’s last 100 posts on your FM Observer.

All posts are listed as clickable hyperlinks in chronological order. Enjoy!

800. Johnnny’s eighth retrospective (posts 700-800)
801. Women moving to Venus and leaving men behind
802. Tree toppled by storm’s strong winds damages home which owner fixes using only duct tape
803. Clown parade coming to downtown Fargo!
804. Moorhead man who was attacked by a mourning dove is expected to survive
805. Fargo getting positive response from students about year-round schooling
806. Burp Mcguire explains the difference between a horse, donkey, mule, and jackass
807. Expert now believes universe began (and will also end) with a big bang
808. Famous rock band Autopsia is coming to Fargo; Tickets selling madly
809. Try some radioactive soup for what ails you
810. Wealthy benefactor offers conditional money for two Red River Valley counties
811. Top Ten things to do in the Fargo-Moorhead area this weekend
812. Top Ten Confucius quotes (a.k.a. Master Kong)
813. New events center to eventually open in Fargo after it’s made somewhat more inhabitable
814. Man chased by prairie dog in western North Dakota
815. If you’re shopping for a vacuum, we recommend getting the new Super Sucker 9000
816. New church giving whole bottle of wine with communion to attract new members
817. Lottery winner from Fargo blows it all on a single purchase
818. Golf tournament pummeled with watermelon-sized hail
819. Fargo man a dead ringer for Leonardo da Vinci
820. New programmable robot kicks dogs whenever they bark
821. Poetry contest could be your ticket!
822. President Trump to swap the blue state of California for Greenland
823. Monkey makes $34 million in stock market from a $5 investment
824. Kindergartener hitchhikes home after school bus drops him off 75 miles from home
825. UFO encounter in Marshall county Minnesota finally solved
826. National Lutheran church to become bird sanctuary denomination
827. UND football team adds moose as running back to roster in effort to beat the Bison
828. Man tweaks life plan after doctor tells him he may not live forever
829. FM Observer’s long-time mentor dies at the very end of his life
830. Man who’s half goat to marry half-goat woman said to make a great couple
831. Fargo ND being used as test site by Algore for global warming
832. Noble Sheet newsletter to keep everyone updated, connected, and in-the-loop
833. Dinosaur dig in Fargo’s Island Park drawing national attention
834. Mandan Artfest is a continuous celebration of outdoor murals
835. Family trapped in Fargo Escape Room for weeks
836. Mute man learns how to communicate by using a French horn
837. Critics saying Joker movie one of the best family-friendly comedies since Caddyshack
838. Weatherman predicting worst winter ever!
839. Moorhead to host national Zombie Apocalypse survival conference
840. Biden wins Dem debate by focusing on clipping coupons in the stock market
841. Mars rover discovers relatively intelligent life
842. Prince Harry and Meghan Markle moving to Moorhead Minnesota to live a normal life
843. Fargo man promises if he wins lottery jackpot, he’ll give everyone in Fargo one dollar
844. The Pope is encouraging Catholics to read the back of the Bible
845. This month is national Hallucination Day month!
846. Fargo woman named Siri gets asked a lot of questions
847. President Trump made a kid pro quo deal with Ukraine for a children exchange program
848. During impeachment inquiry lunch break Adam Schiff orders pizza for the Dems but disallows Republicans to have any pizza
849. Sign up to win a chance to host Cher in your Fargo home during the nights of her concert
850. For a change, the Concordia College Christmas concert will feature all Beatles music this year
851. Fargo man crushed to death while trying to carry 99-pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon beer
852. ND DOT has plans to reduce driver license wait times from 4 hours down to only 3 hours
853. Other states envious of South Dakota’s clever new meth slogan
854. Apple’s smart Christmas iTree is the best new thing for the holidays since eggnog
855. The White Houses twelve days of impeachment calendar is the latest trending Christmas gift
856. People’s Militia Group votes on proper punishment for downtown Fargo jaywalkers
857. Car full of dogs pulled over for excessive number of lane changes
858. Stevie Wonder comes to Fargo to do some snowmobiling
859. Dickinson team name changing from The Midgets to just The Dicks
860. How to find your groove pattern (before it’s too late)
861. Teams of foreign specialists coming to Fargo to study the mating habits of Fargo natives
862. No parking on streets of Fargo after 4 inches of snow has fallen
863. FMO’s medi-van to provide free medical check ups to shovelers
864. FMO to host free all-city concert featuring hot mega-band Neon Fruitcake
865. Your FM Observer is humbled to have once again won best website award
866. Moorhead’s turkey mitigation program getting high marks
867. Local service clubs helping to make snow forts for the homeless
868. Society beginning to show signs of early dementia along with schizophrenia and bipolarism
869. Days Of Our Lives soap opera being replaced by another called Endless Impeachment
870. Chief Justice John Roberts swears himself in during rare Senate moment
871. New school for gifted children requires quantitative proof that a child is gifted
872. Corona Virus now treatable with extra lime
873. Man’s death blamed on panic attack caused by extreme frustration during jigsaw puzzle tournament
874. This man doesn’t remember who he is. Can you help identify him?
875. Male who identifies as female to compete in next Miss North Dakota pageant
876. FM Observer donates valuable work of art to popular soup kitchen to boost morale
877. After Iowa caucus app fails, Iowa Dems using 1920s adding machine to try and calculate the victor
878. Fargo police add new dog that can detect weird activity
879. Weekly listing of divorces in Cass County
880. Amy Klobuchar wrestles woman to ground after being attacked
881. Joaquin Phoenix’s “Cries Of Anguish” wins the Oscar for best picture
882. Executive directors named for Fargo’s new combo church/hospital
883. West Fargo couple dies in car while waiting for traffic light to turn green
884. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles asked to help fight the corona virus
885. The new measure of health is pounds per vertical foot
886. Learn how to learn how to properly vape by attending beginner vaping classes
887. Leap Day was begun as an extra day to do something new or different
888. Survey asks: do we really need domesticated cats?
889. Moorhead man willing to part with N95 filtration masks for $100 each
890. Fargo man who dreams he was on a cruise ship wakes up with corona virus
891. Bernie Sanders waves good-bye to humanity as he leaves to become the first president of Mars
892. First machine to catch corona virus from a human is now “acting funny”
893. Fargo man impaled by large icicle doesn’t notice it until he gets home to his wife
894. Pandemic social distancing North Dakota style
895. FM Observer’s first annual Panic-Fest cancelled due to lack of toilet paper
896. South Park being used extensively as educational tool for pandemic home schooling
897. Russian Roulette Club once again seeking one new member
898. New home workout program called “Flatten Your Curves” gaining popularity
899. The 40 mental stages experienced during pandemic isolation

Your FM Observer Is Humbled To Have Once Again Won Best Website Award

FMO wins 2019 Best Website Award!

West Fargo, ND The FM Observer, which began as a simple scribble on a soiled napkin in the dank basement of a defunct church, is so very proud and humbled to once again accept the most prestigious award for Best Website of 2019.

Because of all our faithful readers, we somehow earned this award again by being the main source of news for many people who trust us to provide them accurate information about the latest happenings in our ever-changing world of fluxational madness.

Our incredibly dedicated staff of hundreds, who sometimes sleep less than two hours per night, feel this award only motivates them more to get less sleep in the future.

If you would like to stop by our corporate headquarters to see our latest award, please also feel free to enjoy some excellent Lobster Bisque which was made especially for you!

FMO To Host Free All-City Concert Featuring Hot Mega-Band “Neon Fruitcake!”

Neon Fruitcake! coming to West Fargo!

West Fargo, ND – To help get the New Year started off going in the right direction, your FM Observer will be hosting a free concert open to everyone who lives in West Fargo.

The super trending band Neon Fruitcake! will be playing all their current mega-hits including “2020” and “Up Yours”!

If your zip code is 58078 and you’re looking for the place to be in 2020, head on over to see Neon Fruitcake!

Just as the concert is free, also feel free to bring a fruitcake to the event to share with others or toss up onto the stage to show your support of Neon Fruitcake!

Note: Any people from Fargo or Moorhead caught trying to sneak into this concert will be deported back to their county of origin.

FMO’s Medivan To Provide Free Medical Check-Ups To Shovelers

FMO’s new Medivan is now offering free full physical exams to anyone out shoveling.

West Fargo, ND – While out shoveling heavy snow and pushing your body to the limit, how would you like to step into the warmth of a mobile medical van for a free full physical examination?

Our long-time friend Dr. Fred Wangstone first had the idea of having a Medivan to provide free medical services while he was in prison for having impersonated a medical doctor.

Now that Dr. Wangstone is out of prison, your FM Observer has helped our friend Fred make his pipe dream come true!

If you are out shoveling your driveway, sidewalk, deck, or roof and you see Dr. Wangstone’s free Medivan coming down your unplowed street, simply wave it down to stop for your full free medical check-up along with unlimited Oreo cookies and some spicy hot rum punch.

How To Find Your Groove Pattern (Before It’s Too Late)

Dr. Moose Gravert can help you find your Groove Pattern in the comfort of your own home.

Groove Park, USA – Have you been thinking you need to find your Groove Pattern?

Many just like you have been yearningly searching for their Groove Pattern before that window completely shuts in their life.

Luckily, your FM Observer has invited Dr. Moose Gravert to conduct some Groove Pattern workshops right here in River City.

Dr. Moose Gravert speaks:

“If you don’t like where you’re at, move to another Groove Pattern. Once we get into the right Groove Pattern, we’re like athletes in the zone.

You can always tell when a Groove Pattern is not working. Finding your Groove Pattern makes life flow better. When you get the right Groove Pattern going, time just flies. When you’re in a Groove Pattern, there is no thinking. Everything just happens.

There’s a feeling behind a Groove Pattern. A good Groove Pattern releases adrenaline in your body like the feeling when you’ve won a prize. You feel that energy. You feel uplifted, centered, calm, and powerful. That’s what good Groove Patterns are all about.

When you’re in a good Groove Pattern, you’re not spinning your wheels. You’re moving forward in a straight and narrow path, unwavering in your purpose. A Groove Pattern is the best place in the world. Because when you are in it, you have the freedom to explore your world.”

Groovily, all of the letters in Moose Gravert can be re-arranged to spell: Groove Master!

This Month Is National Hallucination Day Month

If you’re seeing things, you’re not the only one. It’s just a sign of the times.

Eastern West Fargo, ND – On top of everything else already going on in the nation, this is also National Hallucination Day Month.

Just imagine an entire month devoting each and every one of its days to honoring everything on the subject of hallucinations.

As the late Dr. Willy Nilly once preached: “The world is one mass hallucination which is why one whole month should be set aside as National Hallucination Day Month.

Some hallucination experts on our highly paid FM Observer staff have some visionary thoughts about hallucinations:

Luciana Hilton, who majored in hallucinations in college says:

Take your hallucinations seriously, but not too seriously, mmkay? Hallucinations are real but the real question is what does real mean? May I kindly suggest that during hallucinations, make a video of them with your smartphone to prove to friends and family that you’re not going completely nuts.

If you see something weird, say something weird.

Latini Calhoun, who is known in our corporate office park as having periodic flashbacks to rock concerts from yesteryear has these thinkings on the matter:

How do you really know if all your perceptions aren’t actually hallucinations? What I’ve found to help is trying to interact with your hallucinations in a simple state of wakeful dreaming. Always remember during National Hallucination Day Month: Hallucinations are as real as your dreams which are as real as your own reality!

Dr. Lilianna Touch of our Human Resources department, also happens to be a licensed hallucinationologist. She believes that having visions without any follow-up action is a hallucination wasted, so therefore act on your visions to reduce your number of hallucinations while increasing the quantity and quality of your visions.

All the letters in hallucination can spell Italiano Lunch, which is kind of pictured here.

Bottom line: During National Hallucination Day Month, when you have to choose between two valid hallucinations, chose the one that best fits the incoming data of your own personal reality in that space time.

Ironically, all of the letters in Luciana Hilton, Latini Calhoun, and Lilianna Touch can be re-arranged to spell: Hallucination!

FM Observer’s Long-Time Mentor Dies At The Very End Of His Life

Bernard Idiovance was an early television pioneer probably best known for inventing satirical fake news.

Eastern West Fargo, ND – Bernard Idiovance, who was very instrumental in encouraging the founders of the FM Observer to begin such an undertaking, is now in the hands of the undertakers.

Dear Bernard was not only a mentor to all of us, but also a life coach and a rather strict disciplinarian keeping us in line and on time.

Mr. Idiovance died suddenly in his sleep while having a dream in which he was falling, that was going just fine…until he hit finally the ground.

Bernard Idiovance is probably best known for inventing satirical fake news and therefore launching us in the direction we now still find ourselves headed.

Bidi (as we sometimes called him) was preceded in death by his dog…and Bingo was his name.

During our final visit to see Bernard, his last words to us were: “Now, do I know you folks?”

Johnnny’s Eighth Retrospective (Posts 700-800)

My second one hundred posts.

My 8th 100 posts. Now I can build an even longer fence!

Since 800 is such a nice round number, it was decided to use the occasion of my 800th post to take a trip back down memory lane.

So, it’s time once again to look back at Johnnny’s last 100 posts on your FM Observer.

All posts are listed as clickable hyperlinks in chronological order. Enjoy!

700. Johnnny’s seventh retrospective (posts 600-700)
701. Blood bank looking to hire vampires they can count on
702. Older cats not too hip on trendings of younger cool cats
703. Indian summer celebrated by many even though it’s no longer political correct
704. Dr. Finance: Should I buy some lottery tickets for the mega jackpot
705. President Trump orders up some hurricanes to dissuade caravan of illegals
706. Fargo woman fired from her good job for having a bad hair day
707. Fargo winter softball leagues open for sign up
708. Top ten reasons why the city of Moorhead secretly changed its voting locations
709. The cemetery is a good place for trick-or-treaters
710. Fargo’s first full-frontal face transplant operation deemed an international success
711. Heroic pilot somehow safely lands problematic plane at the Moorhead international airport
712. The pot now legal in four ND counties
713. How to properly entertain guests in your home for coffee or tea
714. UFO sightings over Ireland shortly after release of new Guinness-plus beer
715. New downtown Fargo condos with sheek new dilapidated exterior now for sale
716. NFL pickem calculator is amazingly accurate
717. Things North Dakotans have to be thankful for
718. Try this FMO family tradition whilst enjoying your Thanksgiving day togetherness
719. Man who had just figured out solution to climate change problem hit by bus
720. Fargo man won’t confirm nor deny that he’s running for president
721. Fargo family denied permission to adopt hammerhead shark
722. Sponge pudding shortage threatens some local family traditions
723. Use decorative duct tape to help your partner stop snoring during the holidays
724. Professional bowler stuns crowd during regional championship tournament
725. Nothing says I like you like butterscotch pudding
726. Secret Santa drops in early at many local businesses
727. Here is the winner of our annual picture-of-the-year contest
728. New test for dementia is highly conclusive
729. New home radar system detects and then detains package stealers
730. Vacationing President Trump blames Democrats for hurting his golf game
731. Fargo couple plans outdoor wedding during blizzard
732. Fargo’s 19th avenue north now open to one lane of traffic
733. FM Observer hires new CEO to right the ship
734. FM Observer’s reader’s new years resolutions
735. New game show called Double Jeopardy features twins acquitted of a crime but then tried again for exact same crime
736. Famous French chef accused of assault during Fargo master class
737. Local Fargo filmmaker has a big hit with his new film Gristly Nights
738. Merge Fargo north high with Fargo south high to make Fargo mega high school
739. Two Fargo illusionists go missing without a trace except for their pajamas
740. Long cold winter starting to take its effect on normal people
741. Algore sends frigid polar vortex into North Dakota as punishment for fracking
742. Fargo new born is suspected time traveler based on his post-birth questions
743. Five-day work week likened to rapid rat race
744. Abominable snowman comes to Fargo area in search of mate
745. Ringo was the most normal of the Beatles
746. New Fargo bar/lounge called The Peachflame to exclusively cater to weird people
747. Moorhead man modifies microwave oven to quickly clear snow from his driveway
748. Polar Vortex Pizza delivers your fully-cooked pizza completely frozen
749. Virginia governor Ralph Northam being pressured to do the moonwalk
750. Tie-dyed wind chill map warms hearts of former hippies
751. Top ten winter words North Dakotans are getting really sick of
752. Let the FM Observer help express your love on Valentines day
753. Doctors believe if you can live long enough you might be able to live forever
754. Smiling Depression is now considered a disease treatable with drugs
755. Creative ways to decline an offer besides just saying NO
756. Dr. Harshnel Quadflop called in to investigate Fargo’s recent outbreak of Ekbom’s Syndrome
757. FMO considering selling prayer pillows to help fund reader appreciation parties
758. Polar bear that enters north Fargo grocery store ends up in the canned meats aisle
759. Fargo man gains sixty pounds in one sitting at all-you-can-eat buffet
760. Fargo artist paints first-ever moving picture using kinetic oil paints
761. Fargo clock shoppe owner jailed for refusing to change his clocks to daylight savings time
762. Because of global change geese don’t know which direction to migrate
763. Democrats considering lowering voting age to ten while offering them free candy
764. FM Observers celebrate St. Patrick’s Day with a surprise trip to Ireland
765. Proceeds from famous painting by Amsterdam Douglass to help fund Fargo’s flood fight
766. Charles Barkley helps FMO readers with March Madness
767. Cathy’s Cat Cafe opens in Fargo; Reviews give it five meows
768. Peter Pan claims he was abused by Michael Jackson until Tinker Bell found out
769. Today is the last day of the beginning of your life
770. Loud Michael Bolton music to be used at southern border to dissuade illegal entries
771. Police dog licks man to death
772. Dear FMO: How can we create a quagmire on our property?
773. Lucky local Mormon groom successfully marries identical twin sister brides
774. Some are now questioning if the Moorhead interchange planning was subpar
775. West Fargo’s Three Lions Pub: The history of its name
776. Notre Dame church fire in Paris may have been sparked by lone cigarette butt
777. Typo Insurance Company to offer typo insurance
778. House-warming gift ideas for the West Fargo/Fargo area
779. Further funding for Fort Fargo finally finds feasible financial footing
780. Directions to our FMO corporate headquarters for reader meet-n-greet parties
781. President-elect Joe Biden vows to make hudge fund managers take extredable cuts
782. Iconic downtown Fargo Theater to be converted into condos
783. Future-teller Precog coming to Fargo to give free readings to FMO readers
784. Kentucky Derby to be re-raced for first time in its history
785. Entire family goes missing after husband dreams they were all kidnapped
786. Baby Sussex the future king of England shall be called Jughead Forsythe P. Jones of Windsor
787. Group of Fargo wives put their husbands out on boulevard for clean-up week
788. Bad red panda gets solitary confinement after escaping from the Red River Zoo
789. Cooking Corner: How to cook a caged pigeon
790. Emergency counselors now available for problematic family situations
791. New ND Governor’s mansion mistaken for highway rest area by many travelers
792. FM Observer is upping our volume and encouraging our readers to up yours
793. Local couple’s painting worth a half million dollars destroyed by distracted driver
794. Norwegians marching to protest all those stupid Norwegian jokes
795. Top ten things to do in the Fargo-Moorhead area this weekend
796. A rare pair of Velociraptors seen wandering through West Fargo
797. FMO asking: How safe do you feel in north Fargo?
798. Next Fargo air show promises some amazing never-before-seen acts
799. FMO’s Insurance Desk now offering weekend insurance

FMO Asking: How Safe Do You Feel In North Fargo?

FM Observer’s Man-On-The-Street wants to know what you think!

Fargo, ND After Fargo’s mayor firmly declared the city to be safe despite some recent fatalities just North of the downtown area, our FM Observer’s man-on-the-street went out to ask some locals living in that area of town the following simple question:

Question: How safe do you feel in your North Fargo neighborhood?

Here are some of the answers we got:

I feel as safe as caged pigeons in the basement of a Chinese restaurant.

I feel as safe as a young baseball fan sitting in the foul ball section of a Cubs game.

I feel as safe as a French cathedral while restoration workers have a smoke break.

I feel as safe as American tourists vacationing in the Dominican Republic.

I feel as safe as an afternoon clerk at a Howard Johnson’s Inn.

I feel as safe as private insurance companies during a Bernie Sander’s rally.

I feel as safe as a typo in a document about to be spell-checked.

I feel as safe as a bottle rocket in a match factory.

I feel as safe as an African lion within sight of a Minneapolis dentist.

I feel as safe as a case of ice-cold beer at We Fest.

I feel as safe as the owner of a Texas BBQ food truck.

FM Observer Is Upping Our Volume And Encouraging Our Readers To Up Yours

Learn how to up the volume in your life!

Fargone, ND – Our very own Dr. Lout Vue-Hemp will be mentoring a master workshop on how to up the volume of your life.

Dr. Lout Vue-Hemp is highly respected in many regions of our region for being the most respected expert on this timely topic.

Lout wishes to share his lifetime of lessons learned on upping the volume of positive experiential life happenings even when things are seemingly seeming to wind down a bit.

If you would like a chance to win free tickets to this incredible workshop, please send $25 to our FMO headquarters and also include a paragraph about the good and bad in your life.

Dr. Lout Vue-Hemp guarantees that after attending his valuable sessions, your life will never be the same.

Expectedly, all the letters in Lout Vue-Hemp can be mentored to spell: Up The Volume!