Washington, DC – Former President of the United States George W. Bush is a good man. He worked hard to benefit our country while in office. He is a man of considerable pride and generosity, and recently found it in his...
June 6th, 2012 | by
Bill Burns Fargo, ND – Exhibitionist cows brought traffic to a grinding halt on Co Rd 17 in Fargo earlier this morning. A pair of bovines were caught “doing the dirty” in the middle of the road the highway patrol stated....
Graz, Austria – A gigantic 440-lb hunk of dead & smoldering fatty tissue was the cause of a fiery inferno at a Graz, Austria crematorium yesterday. The Observer wondered at first why a beached whale would be brought to...
June 4th, 2012 | by
Bill Burns Moorhead, MN – Moorhead police would like your help in catching one dumb fucking criminal who broke into Sunset Lanes around 2 a.m. Sunday. Police say he forced a door open to find a shit load of used bowling balls....
June 4th, 2012 | by
Bill Burns Phoenix, AZ – Some shocking news this past week. Catalina Clouser, 19, is facing driving and child abuse charges after her one-month-old baby fell off the roof of her car while driving away, forgetting she had put the...
Dover, DE – Yesterday’s NASCAR FedEx 400 event in Dover contained one of the most heinous multiple car pileups we’ve seen so far this year. A total of 13 cars were involved in this chain-reaction wreck, and the...
June 1st, 2012 | by
Bill Burns Everywhere, USA – Keep your face, keep your skin, we will fill you in on the most practical weapon against zombies. Zombies have been in the news lately (here and here) which is an obvious sign of a coming...
Fargo, ND – Due to a widespread craving for human flesh causing concern that a zombie apocalypse is right around the corner, the Observer has decided to hold open workgroup sessions to help cannibals deal with their...
May 31st, 2012 | by
Bill Burns Crookston, MN – Bishop Michael Hoeppner, head of the Catholic Diocese of Crookston is coming to the rescue. Bishop Michael has stated that he has seen the destruction and carnage strikes and disputes can cause....
West Fargo, ND – The Observer is fearful to report that early Sunday morning at around 3 a.m., a zombie was spotted foot-dragging alongside Interstate 94 in West Fargo. This reporter is absolutely certain that this was,...
