Tag Archives: headlines

xbox one versus playstation 4

Xbox One VS PS4 Fanboy Off

xbox one versus playstation 4

The Xbox One and the PS4 are set to be released this November.  This leaves the fanboys of each console at war with each other.

They have taken to Twitter and Facebook to do battle!


Round 1


Winner  – Playstationps4sucks


Round 2


Winner – Microsoft


Round 3


ps4 sucks big time

Winner – Microsoft – This guy sure does like hashtags


Round 4


Winner – Microsoft


Round 5


Winner – Playstation


and the winner is……………..

cat gift

Winner by TKO


In response to that Fargo woman’s Halloween letter to obese kids

A Fargo woman called Y-94 the other day and said she was going to hand out letters to “moderately obese” children in lieu of edible goodies because no, that’s not tasteless or shameful at all. In response to that brazen announcement, the Observer would like to fire back. Follow along with her pictured letter, if you will…

Happy Halloween and Happy Holidays, Neighbor!

la-obesity-letter-for-halloween-20131030You are probably wondering why you’ve been given this note. Have you ever heard the saying “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all?” I am disappointed in this negative, demeaning thing you are planning to do.

Your ideals are, in my opinion, overly critical and unnecessary and should not be projected to any child you happen to recognize as “moderately obese”. This type of action is as bad as calling a kid “fat”. You’re nothing more than a bully.

My hope is that you will stand down as a respectable neighbor and keep this shameful letter taped to your bathroom mirror as a constant reminder of how utterly perfect and without flaws you are.

Thank You

Let that serve as a retort until this letter and everything leading up to it is revealed to be a huge prank.

dont do it

Don’t You Dare Put That Dick Pic Of Yours On The Internet

dont do itHave you ever been searching the internet and randomly ran into something you were absolutely not looking for?  For example, you were surfing Tumblr or any other blog site.  It’s 11 a.m on a Saturday morning.  You’re feeling great. You thank god for letting you experience another day in the fabulous realm called human life.  You fire up your old trusty computer and type in google.com.  Feeling nostalgic, you search for old pictures of past decades which leads to you Tumblr or any other personal blog site.  You’re scrolling down with pure excitement as you’re looking at all the pictures of things you remember of your past childhood.  Just as you were enjoying yourself you scroll down just a little bit more and BAM……dick pics.  Dick pics out of nowhere.

If you are reading this and are guilty of putting dick pics on the internet, let me explain some things to you.

First of all, women don’t want to see your little wiener on the internet.  Wieners are not attractive.  From a female’s AND male’s perspective.  What makes you think a stranger on the internet wants to see your penis?  Nobody.  Nobody wants to see your willy poking out of the bush.

So much garbage is already on the internet we don’t need to be worrying about running into your dick pics as well.  If you ARE going to do it, it’s probably a good idea to not include your face.  What if your mom, sister, or aunt was searching the internet and accidentally landed on your dick pics?  Me, being the nice guy that I am, I wouldn’t wish that odd conversation you would be having with your mom on anyone.  No woman is sitting there thinking, “Yes!  I finally found Mr. Right.  I could NOT for the LIFE OF ME find a good guy who has dick pics on the internet.”

So, is that too much to ask?  Not having to worry about running into dick picks?  Put popeye back in your pants and go do something constructive outside, ok?  Thanks.

miley cyrus

Objects Miley Cyrus Has Not Violated

Miley Cyrus has violated a lot of objects over the past few months.  However, there are a lot of objects Miley Cyrus has not gotten to yet.


these poodles




these witches brooms

witches brooms


 this john deere tractor

john deer tractor



this salt shaker

salt shaker



all of the marvel heroes

marvel heros



this power drill

power drill



miss piggy and kermit the frog

miss piggy and kermit the frog


this battleship




this guy

wheres waldo



this coffee maker

coffee maker



your grandma

your grandma


and thank god she hasn’t got to this signed larry bird jersey yet

larry bird

Flamingo Union To Go On Strike

Angry flamingos to go on strike

Angry flamingos go on strike

Flamingo Road, FL – Angered by the recent government shut-down’s effect on business at FlamingoLand, and the fact that Obamacare is only for humans and not for birds, hundreds of pink flamingos are threatening to go on strike.

One of our more avian FM Observers reported that: “Hundreds of these gorgeous birds are flaming mad and are seriously threatening to get the flock out of here. I haven’t seen anything like this since that massive cat fight at a Fargo strip club, that nobody ever goes to, but whose parking lot is always full.”

Apparently some folks driving by the flock are being flipped the bird, as a sign that these flamingos mean business and want to talk some turkey.

Grebance counselors are being bussed in from neighboring ponds in a last-bitch effort to curtail the strike. If the Flamingo Union’s demands are not met, they might file a formal grebance (the common legal course of action by birds in the Grebe Family).

Even though flamingos are usually non-migratory creatures, they are still threatening to fly the coop and take their colorful culture to pinker pastures, where being disrespected is the exception and not the norm.

Hashtag Pro

The Pro Hashtagger

What better way to spend your time than hashtagging the shit out of something.  Whenever I see a picture with hashtags the first thing I think of is, “How can I hashtag the ever living shit out of this thang.”

The commentator below decided the picture alone as well as the comments section didn’t have enough hashtags.  Through hell and high water were they going to leave this picture without the proper hashtags.  If a giant asteroid was going to hit the earth in five min, these pro hashtaggers would rather die making hashtags than seek shelter underground.  Hence their post below.

hashtag pro

Now was that really necessary?  They hashtagged the shit out of this photo via describing the entire damn picture in visual and mental hashtags.  If that is the case, let me add my own visual, mental, and physical hashtags that I think are missing in order to describe this picture in detail.

#poopisinmyrectumbutyoucantseeit #bangedtwoguysatsametimeonce #pastoutonshitter #bleedsfromvaginamonthly

#myselfieisbetterthanyourselfie #noduckfaceforyou #thisismymirror #thisismycamera #therearemanylikeitbutthisoneismine

#Mymirrorismybestfriend #itismylife #ImustmasteritasImustmastermylife #ifartintheshower #tanninglotionqueen


I think this picture is properly hashtagged now.  No more guessing as to what is actually going on in the photo as it is properly described in full detail.   Am I right or am I right?

Government Healthcare Bullies Americans Into Giant SNAFU

The new face of healthcare.

The new face of healthcare.

Warshington, DC – As the tentacles of Obamacare grow deeper into what’s left of the American Dream, citizens are being coerced into compliance with a most unpopular law.

President Obama initially blamed the Obamacare website glitches on exceptionally high interest in the newly overhauled health insurance marketplace.

Apparently all the problems being encountered at www.Healthcare.gov are because of an unanticipated surge of web traffic from a high demand by people seeking to buy coverage under the new law.

Some may have forgotten that the high level of interest in Obamacare might, instead, be due to the fact that Americans are being mandated to buy government health insurance under the threat of serious fines, tax penalties, and imprisonment.

Being forced into buying something while being threatened is quite different than deciding on your own to make a purchase of your own free will.

Not surprisingly, the day after all the website problems were blamed on high volumes of interest in Obamacare, the government admitted that the problems may have been due to faulty website design and software problems.

Instead of exceptionally high levels of interest being the culprit, it was determined that the www.Healthcare.gov website is troubled by sloppy software problems and flaws in the basic architectural design of the system.

In the name of transparency, the Obamadministration has declined to say the total number of enrollees in the new Obamacare system.

To help test the new website, please go to www.Healthcare.gov often and leave it up on all of your browsers for long periods of time, so they can see if their website server capacity is adequate to handle all the “interest” in getting signed up for government-run healthcare.

Jodie Foster Admits To Being Part Alien

Foster admits to being part alien

Jodie Foster is part alien

Hollywood, CA – Blond bombshell and award winning actress Jodie Foster has dropped a huge bomb on the Hollywood community.

Ms. Foster recently tweeted that she is now openly admitting that she is “part alien”.

Ever since her starring role in the movie “Contact”, some close friends have suspected something unusual about their “friend”.

The fact that she never ate in public, and all those intermittent strange noises emanating from her forehead were among early clues, they say.

Now that Ms. Foster has come out of the closet, she might actually help others do the same.

She went on to tweet: “Now that I am sharing my secret, perhaps others who are part or even full alien will feel comfortable also coming out and letting the world know who they really are.”

Jay Leno’s reaction to this revelation was: “So it turns out there’s life on other planets. Boy, this is really going to change the Miss Universe contest!”

A spokesalien for Jodi Foster said: “Ms. Foster has always believed that the world is what we make of it. Perhaps we’ll see the day when aliens get treated like normal citizens. Perhaps alien races will be able to enjoy all the benefits and entitlements of being an American, such as free healthcare, and the right to vote without showing any photo identification.”

Local Cemeteries To Double As Paintball Parks

Graveyards make great paintball funparks

Graveyards make great funparks

Fargo, ND – Authorities have decided to allow all local cemeteries to be used as paintball game areas. Although some citizens voiced very strong opposition to this move, the vote was unanimous to allow graveyard owners to make extra money by opening them up as paintball parks.

Other regions of the country have toyed with the idea, but the greater Fargo-Moorhead area will be the first to not only allow it, but actually encourage it.

Gene Maxling, who voted for it after he previously had voted against it, explains: “We think paintball enthusiasts from all over the nation will flock to Fargo to use our cemeteries as the ultimate paintball playgrounds.”

Connie Livingstone, who works as a city planner, says that everyone agrees that “cemeteries serve a singular function by providing a home for the dead, but these valuable acres really don’t see much action. By allowing paintball in cemeteries, it will give these wonderful areas a dual purpose.”

The president of the United States Paintball Association is ecstatic about Fargo’s recent decision. Toby Redding wrote on his blog: “We are very stoked that Fargo is opening up its graveyards to our increasingly popular sport. Having all those large headstones to hide behind will be super awesome. Once someone shoots you with a paintball, it will give new meaning to the phrase ‘You’re dead!'”