Tag Archives: honeymoon

Solar Eclipse Cancelled As Some Find It To Be Offensive

Since it’s a religious experience to some, others find solar eclipse to be offensive to their beliefs.

Sunbeam, Idaho – So as to not be offensive to people of certain religious beliefs, the solar eclipse has been cancelled by federal and state authorities.

While statues of George Washington and Abraham Lincoln are being pulled down because of their political incorrectness, the once-in-a-lifetime solar eclipse has now been cancelled after a number of religious leaders cried foul.

One politician wearing a Donald Trump mask in order to remain anonymous explained that by officially cancelling the solar eclipse, his chances of getting re-elected next year might improve with the voters in his district.

So, for all of you who purchased special glasses from Amazon for watching the solar eclipse, it’s not too late to return those via drone.

Now that the eclipse has officially been cancelled, this will give the country more time to tear down more monuments to our offensive past such as the Jefferson Memorial and the Washington Monument. Oh, and Mount Rushmore, you can run but you can’t hide, because they’re coming for you too.

Large School Bus Full Of Illegal Aliens To Pass Between Earth And Moon

This is possibly the first of many busloads of illegal aliens trying to enter the U.S. by flying in over the new Trump Wall.

Moonshine, Illinois – Top scientists from our top-notch science department are warning that a large school bus believed to be full of illegal aliens will be passing between the Earth and the Moon soon.

It is not known who if anyone is drinking while driving this bus nor whether or not it will be just passing on through, making subsequent secondary passes, or perhaps even make a stop for supplies and maby even an extended visitation without representation.

The well-respected Dr. Goytam Tesfalem believes that these so-called illegal aliens might even be trying to 1. either leave this sector to escape paying back taxes, or 2. use the space bus to get over the Trump Wall and freely enrolled in Obamacare.

Spaceologists are wanting to point out that the space-travelling busload of alien freeloaders will be visible during upcoming night skies and there is even a chance they may land in your back yard so you might want to stock up on a variety of refreshments so as to be prepared and not seem like you didn’t expect to be having some unexpected guests drop in directly from space, the penultimate frontier.

Super Moon Proves It’s Moving Closer To Earth

Earth's gravity is pulling the moon closer toward us. Scientists believe our moon will eventually be just a few miles away.

Earth’s gravity is pulling the Moon closer towards us. Scientists believe the Moon will eventually be just a few miles away.

Moon Unit, USA – The recent full super beaver moon is proof positive for many that the Moon is indeed moving closer to Earth.

Experts say that if the current rate continues, the Moon should be just a few miles away from Earth by the year 2035.

This process is what moonologists are calling Global Mooning.

Vladimir Johnson, who has been studying this topic for many moons, strongly believes that the Moon will eventually park itself just a few miles away from Miami, Florida.

This is believed to be the reason for the famous song: Moon Over Miami which was recently made famous by Ray Charles.

With our Moon soon basically permanently parked over southern Florida, this will open up a whole new world of possibilities for: 1. Moon living, 2. getting away from your in-laws, and 3. setting up an alternative society with its own new government.

If you would like to join the list of people who want to get away from it all (but don’t want to move to Canada), simply go to Healthcare.Gov and sign up! Please indicate what your current name is and then what name you would like to be called on the Moon.

Man Who Weds Daughter Fathers His Own Granddaughter Whom He Marries

Here we go a-walking

Here we go a-walking

Moorhead, MN – Bernard Kingsley of rural Moorhead married his own daughter, Trixi, after the mother lost her battle with King, their pure-bred pit-bull.

The wedding of Bernard to his own daughter Trixi was accompanied by soft music along with numerous lowered mumbles and raised eyebrows from some of their guests who attended the incestuous ceremony.

A few months later, Trixi gave birth to Bernard’s first granddaughter, a small young girl whom they named Adell.

As fate would have it, Trixi ended up divorcing her father, blaming their split on “irreconcilable quagmires”.

Once again, as you can imagine, wedding plans are in the works. Bernard will soon be marrying his very own granddaughter, Adell, who is now a precocious six years old.

The new nearly-weds are registered at Toys-R-Us and Lego-Land, if you would like to gift the happy couple.

And if you would like to attend this very special upcoming wedding ceremony, Bernard is selling admission tickets to join with them on their special day of matrimony.

Ticket prices range from $100-$500, depending on location, location, location.

All proceeds will go towards their honeymoon, which is going to be two fun-filled weeks down in Disneyworld.

During their absence, King will remain at home, to protect the family jewels from any unwanted shinanigans.