Use two limes to protect yourself against the deadly Corona Virus.
Corona, SD – With another disease heading our way from China, our very own Dr. Orvin Caruso who lives and works in Corona, South Dakota is already well ahead of this new and potentially deadly virus.
Dr. Caruso first points out that the Corona Virus is a meat-eating virus since the letters in 🅲🅾🆁🅾🅽🅰 🆅🅸🆁🆄🆂 can be quickly mutated into spelling: 🅲🅰🆁🅽🅸🆅🅾🆁🅾🆄🆂
Orv goes on to explain that since we now know that the 🅲🅾🆁🅾🅽🅰 🆅🅸🆁🆄🆂 is of the 🅲🅰🆁🅽🅸🆅🅾🆁🅾🆄🆂 type, its spreading can be effectively quelled by using an extra lime with your Corona, like pirates did to prevent scurvy.
“Instead of one lime, simply use two,” Dr. Caruso spells out, as if we’re all back in first grade.
Amazingly, all of the letters in “Orvin Caruso” can be mutated into spelling: Corona Virus!
Lime Disease linked to jumbo on-the-rocks margaritas!
Rochester, MN – At the Hellmann’s Mayo Clinic, researchers have positively linked Lime Disease to the excessive drinkage of lime-flavored margaritas.
Scientific data shows that people who consume multiple jumbo lime margaritas (usually during those discount-priced happy hours) are sixty times more likely to get Lime Disease than their non-margarita-drinking counterparts who religiously attend church choir practice.
Q: Can you still get Lime Disease if you don’t drink the jumbo lime margaritas?
A: Yes, of course you can. However, the chances of that happening are about as good as John Kasich getting to 1,237 delegates before the GOP convention.
Q: Is there anything that jumbo lime margarita drinkers can do to lessen their chances of contracting the dreaded Lime Disease?
A: No, not really, except perhaps to maybe join a church and volunteer to religiously sing in the church choir. Another tip would be to avoid attending any outdoor concerts where disease-carrying ticks might be waiting to bite into you just like someone who is hungry enough to eat a horse would bite into McDonald’s new McPony Sandwich.