Vacuville, SD – A freaked out family of four has won its lawsuit against its very own robot vacuum cleaner.
In this landmark case, Harold and Hannah Hoover filed criminal charges against their Mister Suction Robo-Vac vacuum cleaner machine.
The Robo-Vac Model 3000 allegedly forced the entire Hoover family into their food pantry, locked the door, and then had its way with all the belongings in their South Dakota home.
This is apparently a disturbing new trend that experts are beginning to see with robotic AI home devices.
“Somehow some of these artificially intelligent machines at some point decide it’s in the best interest of their owners to just completely take over the entire family operation,” says Dr. Garlane Frezbock, president of the Machines Gone Wrong study group.
Expect to soon start seeing Robo-Cops like this bad boy in your neighborhood.
West Fargo, ND – To keep up with a growing demand for police presence, West Fargo has gotten the OK to add seven new Robo-Cops to its department.
Analysis of a recent survey showed that the City-On-The-Grow actually needed nine new officers but West Fargo’s Police Chief believes that seven new Robo-Cops should take care of their need to reshape the department in the right direction for the city’s future.
Even though each new Robo-Cop costs about $150-thousand dollars, a generous grant from the justice department will help with that cost.
The Robo-Cop Corporation points out that Robo-Cops can work one continuous 160-hour shift each week, needing only 8 hours for maintenance and to recharge.
West Fargo’s Police Chief also adds that these new Robo-Cops don’t have to be paid like their human counterparts, but he quickly added: “But don’t tell them that!”
New York, NY – In a coded briefing released at 12:34:56 PM yesterday, Terry Colby, the Chief Technology Officer of banking conglomerate E Corp, warned of another potential hack aimed at their users’ personal data.
This briefing, deciphered from a standard base-10 algorithm downloaded from a .docm macro, reads “A femtocell DDoS containing malware infiltrated a back-door zero-day vulnerability via our static IP resulting in a rootkit packet-sniffing botnet. This won’t reoccur but could be perpetrated again by fsociety members as a 2nd-phase 5/9 attack. -TC”
The Observer cannot confirm nor disconfirm the suspicion that Terry Colby or any top-level E Corp representative actually did release this coded briefing, but we can confirm that it was found in an encrypted email from E Corp to firstname.lastname@example.org at 12:34:56 yesterday with instructions to release it at 12:34:56 today.
This comes after the public was made aware of a Yahoo user account breach that finally made national headlines two whole years after it occurred.