Tag Archives: neighborhoods

New Programmable Robot Kicks Dogs Whenever They Bark

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The new Bark-bot programmable robot will stop any dog in your neighborhood from excessive barking.

West Fargo, ND – Do you have a daily problem with your dog or a neighbor’s dog barking too much?

Well, they finally have made a robot that does something worthwhile!

The new Bark-bot model X300 is specifically designed to kick a dog each and every time it barks.

Bark-bot delivers a powerful kick which you can adjust depending on the size of the dog.

Or, if put on auto-mode, Bark-bot will determine how hard to kick a dog based on its size and the loudness of the bark.

Jevon Gladstone says his little chronic barking Shih Tzu doesn’t bark anymore after getting kicked halfway across the room a few times by his Bark-bot X300.

‘Black Lights Matter’ Has One Small Problem

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Blacklight Smatter

Blacklight Smatter

Fargo, ND – A number of people in the North Fargo area had recently replaced their normally white porch lights with blacklights to show support for the Black Lights Matter movement.

Not only did this look real cool but it showed that these neighborhoods cared with this expression of solidarity for a trending national cause.

Unfortunately, in practical terms, the dimly lit streets in these areas have allowed the crime rate to dramatically increase.

The number of robberies, burglaries, break-ins, car-jackings, and muggings more than tripled overnight ever since the brighter white lights were replaced with the blacklights.

Kimbrell Scavetta, a spokesperson for Black Lights Matter commented: “We have no comment at this time about this matter, although I will say that we positively disagree with any negativity directed towards Black Lights Matter as a result of these unsubstantiated statistical findings.”

Moral of the story: Sometimes trying to support national causes causes more problems rather than helping to solve problems.

Mail Delivery In Some Fargo Neighborhoods Described As ‘Random’ At Best

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In some Fargo neighborhoods, the chances of getting someone else’s mail is: 100%

Fargo, ND – “Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds.”

But nowhere in the U.S. Postal Service’s motto does it say that mail will be swiftly delivered to the correct address.

In some Fargo neighborhoods, the chronic problem of mail being delivered to the wrong address is so bad that it has gone beyond just a maddening irritation to the point of being a laughable joke!

“It’s gotten so bad” says Ann Velope, “that it seems like they’re either screwing things up on purpose, or blind chimpanzees are sorting and delivering our mail.”

The Postmaster admits there might be an occasional problem but is quick to point out that “when a piece of mail is successfully delivered to the correct address, it’s a miracle that should be celebrated, especially when you consider that many mail carriers have dyslexia. But since no one can ever be fired from a government job, they either keep working their current job, or get promoted, like I did.”