Tag Archives: north fargo

FMO Asking: How Safe Do You Feel In North Fargo?

FM Observer’s Man-On-The-Street wants to know what you think!

Fargo, ND After Fargo’s mayor firmly declared the city to be safe despite some recent fatalities just North of the downtown area, our FM Observer’s man-on-the-street went out to ask some locals living in that area of town the following simple question:

Question: How safe do you feel in your North Fargo neighborhood?

Here are some of the answers we got:

I feel as safe as caged pigeons in the basement of a Chinese restaurant.

I feel as safe as a young baseball fan sitting in the foul ball section of a Cubs game.

I feel as safe as a French cathedral while restoration workers have a smoke break.

I feel as safe as American tourists vacationing in the Dominican Republic.

I feel as safe as an afternoon clerk at a Howard Johnson’s Inn.

I feel as safe as private insurance companies during a Bernie Sander’s rally.

I feel as safe as a typo in a document about to be spell-checked.

I feel as safe as a bottle rocket in a match factory.

I feel as safe as an African lion within sight of a Minneapolis dentist.

I feel as safe as a case of ice-cold beer at We Fest.

I feel as safe as the owner of a Texas BBQ food truck.

Polar Bear That Enters North Fargo Grocery Store Ends Up In The Canned Meats Aisle

Polar bear enters North Fargo grocery store in search of food.

North Fargo, ND – In what authorities are describing as a very rare occurrence, a hungry large polar bear wandered into a grocery store in North Fargo.

It is believed that some of these arctic carnivores are being driven South to find food because of Global Melting.

Security video cameras recorded the half ton polar bear entering the back door of the grocery store around midnight.

Polar bear ends up in the canned meats aisle.

Meat manager Branden Caporale said the white polar bear went straight to the fresh fish section after eating a few rare steaks.

Luckily, a pair of off-duty police officers had their tazers handy and the polar bear was able to be eventually detained with two pairs of extra-large handcuffs.

When asked what ever became of the polar bear, Mr. Caporale said that a joint decision was made to offer their customers a limited-time offer of fresh canned polar bear meat, which they can find in the canned meats aisle, right next to the sardines.

Ironically, all of the letters in Branden Caporale can be re-arranged to spell: Canned Polar Bear!

North Fargo’s Ponyland To Become Largest Refugee Resettlement Camp In America

North Fargo's Ponyland to be the site of a 5,000 tent Syrian refugee resettlement camp.

North Fargo’s Ponyland to be the site of a 5,000-tent Syrian refugee resettlement camp.

North Fargo, ND – City Commissioners unanimously approved moving ahead with the rezoning of Ponyland into a Syrian refugee resettlement camp.

Workers have already begun transforming the old Ponyland into what will soon be home to 50,000 Syrian refugees living in 5,000 tents.

The new Ponyland tent city will also have 50 latrines, five mini-mosques, a special tent for free Obamacare, plus an outdoor petting zoo and an indoor ping pong activity center.

“There is not a lot of wiggle room when President Obama signs an executive order that basically demands we make this happen”, says Ponyland president Yemane Fikru.

“However, I’m thinking this will be a win/win type of scenario because North Fargo needs a boost, a shot-in-the-arm if you will, so let this be North Fargo’s big booster shot, to begin its revival, back to a thriving community just like South Fargo, West Fargo, and East Fargo.”