Some retirement homes in Fargo are “not to be messed with” due to suspicious gang activities.
Fargo, ND – Apparently residents of opposing retirement homes in the Fargo area have been flashing gang signs back and forth at each other to the point where it has become “problematical”.
Police reports indicate that residents of Death Valley Retirement Home have been ramping up tensions between themselves and their opposition gang which resides at Purgatory Senior Living.
“We’re not sure how this whole thing got started but we do know it cannot keep on escalating like it has been without a bloody full-blown gang fight breaking out sometime soon,” offers Police officer Lt. Greg Greeno, who’s been assigned to this case.
Retirement home managers are considering searching resident rooms in search of weapons that could be used in a gang fight such as wooden spoons, rolled up newspapers, and even toothbrushes.
For now, you are being asked to stay away from Death Valley Retirement Home as well as Purgatory Senior Living until tensions can be ratcheted down a bit.
If you are going to visit a loved one who happens to be a gang member at one of these retirement homes, please pay attention to any gang signs you observe during your visit and report them immediately to the authorities.
One of our hidden cameras captured this rare photo of one of Fargo’s many super-secretive senior citizen fight clubs during a pre-fight meeting.
Fargo, ND – After a lengthy two-day investigation by your FM Observer, we recently turned up disturbing news about some dangerous seasoned citizens in our area.
What we learned is that some small groups of large men calling themselves F.I.S.T. (Fargo’s Intense Situational Testers) secretively meet at various coffee shops once a month prior to randomly pairing off into fight partners.
Then they proceed to pummel upon one another until one of them waves the white flag, after which the victor treats the loser to a doughnut and a cup of coffee and they both reminisce about their ordeal.
The alleged ring leader of F.I.S.T. is a man named Warren Peace who whispers: “The fist rule of our fight club is to not remember anything about it. And the second rule is, well, I can’t remember that one right now. I’m sorry, what was your question?”
Police say that if you see any small groups of large older men in a doughnut or coffee shop, please stay away from these dangerous trained fighters and call the police if you feel at all threatened.
Peyton Manning lays out plans for new SFL (Senior Football League) whose headquarters will be in Omaha
Denver, CO – During Peyton Manning’s formal announcement of retirement from the Denver Broncos, he used the opportunity to also discuss plans for his new Senior Football League.
Peyton Manning: “Even though this is the end of a football chapter for a man, it is also the beginning of a new football chapter for mankind.”
The two-time Super Bowl champion went on to say that he and Brett Favre have been kicking this idea around for some time and are now ready to kick it through the uprights.
“Many players who retire from the NFL don’t really want to stop playing football,” Manning points out.
“If they still want to compete and perhaps need to earn some extra money, the SFL will provide aging players (and cheerleaders) the opportunity to continue their football careers just like in the sports of golf, tennis, and Sumo wrestling.”
Fargo, ND – With the days already starting to get longer, the FM Observer is excited to announce that it will be sponsoring a Summer Super Senior Citizen Soccer Team called the Fargo Flash.
Team members need to be 80+ years of age and also must be able to pass a physical test made up of various soccer drills and special challenges.
The Fargo Flash will play against other regional teams such as the Sioux Falls Dominators and the Bemidji Blue Oxen.
If you are interested in trying out for the Fargo Flash, try to get in shape by April when the team members will be selected. Cheerleaders will also be chosen at this time, along with numerous Emergency Medical Technician staff members.
Think Spring! Think Soccer! Think Super Senior Summer Soccer!